Integrity? Laughter? What Is Joy? Possible to choose or create or abide by it?

Discussion in 'Family of Origin' started by Scent of Cedar *, Apr 12, 2016.

  1. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    So, regarding integrity, a concept which has been coming up in multiple and surprising places for me lately. Integrity and laughter together. Is that joy? For instance, I learned that Tai Chi, which I have been involved with for so long a time, has to do with integrity. "Tai", according to someone I was talking to recently, does not mean only "supreme". The word in Chinese incorporates the concept "integrity". Supreme integrity. Not that the practice of Tai Chi would bring supreme integrity but that integrity is the supreme value, the thing that matters most. There will be other words through which this one word, this beautiful concept of...intention, really, can be defined, too. So, here is a quote somehow brought to mind by wondering about integrity.

    “I knew at once: I shall have to pray for this German soldier. . . we understand that German soldiers suffer as well. There are no frontiers between suffering people, and we must pray for them all."

    Etty Hilesum
    Diaries of Etty Hilesum

    There is much that is beautiful, and that has to do with intention and integrity and joy, in the following link having to do with the Diary of Etty Hilesum:

    So, Etty is writing about divisiveness. About how not to believe in our own victimization.

    That is my theme this morning, I think. How to learn, how to see what happens to us in such a way that we simply do not believe in our victimization. The ability to come free of the judgments of others in this way has something ~ some smallest piece of ~ Eckhart Tolle's (Power of Now) contention that when we are emotionally involved, we are ego involved and that it is possible to let it be what it is instead of wishing for something different than what is.

    But Eckhart has never loved a child who is self destructing.

    So, we forgive what he does not know. And remind ourselves to be thankful for whatever illumination there is, however dim. (That is a paraphrase of a quote from Clive Cussler's character, Dirk Pitt.)


    Here is another something lovely I ran across, this morning.

    "Personal power has everything to do with what you believe and nothing to do with what they think."

    That will be one of the quotes in the material cited below.

    I am somehow all about laughter this morning, and integrity. The concept of joy. What is it, to incorporate our sense of joy ~ to see ourselves and one another though that filter. I don't know, either. But I do know that as I have come through the rage and guilt attending the death of my brother, I am curious to know how to do this, how to live this life that is mine, fully present to it, and to myself. How not to waste it, regretting things I cannot control. Or worrying over things I did not intend. I am thinking of the nature of family of origin interaction, here. The strangest, most hurtful things are happening, and have happened. I have learned so much here about how to understand the why behind what my family does...but it is a difficult thing to rise above the automaticity of response. How is it that we could be confronted with the things that happen to all of us without being laid low?

    Or maybe, it has to do with accepting being laid low.

    Is it about gratitude for what we have that is good? Gratitude for what we do have has seen me through some really dark places...but I want to do joy. Not just survive what is.

    Yes. That's it. I want to do joy.


    "Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose - a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye."

    Mary Shelley

    Read more at:

    And I found this:

    And this:

    "Live with intention.
    Walk to the edge.
    Listen Hard.
    Practice Wellness.
    Play with abandon.
    Choose with no regret.
    Appreciate your firends.
    Continue to learn.
    Do what you love.
    Live as if this is all there is."


    Last edited: Apr 12, 2016
  2. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

  3. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Thank you very much, New Leaf.


    I love it that he said we can respond consciously or compulsively, and that we determine that. Why doesn't matter. They are doing what they like to do.

    I love that.

    That's the why. What is the win? That is what doesn't matter. For me, as I come into balance around everything to do with FOO, that is a good answer: They are doing what they like to do.


    Consciously for me, would be another way of saying "to see through our own eyes".

    would have to do with understanding ourselves and our experience through anyone's eyes but our own.

    They are doing what they like. They have always done what they liked to do. That is why they did it, and ultimately, that is why they do it now. Nothing personal.

    My decision is and has always been, to do something other than what they like to do.

    Again, nothing personal.

    Very freeing, to see in this way.


    I am forever ferreting out the why in things. But the person in the video is entirely correct. Whatever it is that is happening, they are doing what they like to do.

    Nothing personal.

    The speaker asked whether the questioner was being physically tortured. I wonder what his thinking would be regarding the ongoing trauma in the shunning dynamic. The torture of the shunning dynamic is not physical. The pain in it has to do with what I want and do not have. Which the speaker also addressed. The correct conclusion then would be that the pain I experience has to do with my interpretation of my situation.

    The one thing in my control.

    Frankl's concept, and Etty's and Maya's too, are the same.

    Thank you, Leafy.

  4. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    The man in the video is saying what we see in the two videos from the other thread. He is speaking about whatever it is the Scotsmen are able to do ~ about how they are able to maintain integrity of self in the face of fear or hope or anticipation.

    This too is what the mother teaches her child in the video of the lamb being born. How to respond to our situations in meaningful ways.

    Very good, to know these things.

    Thank you again, New Leaf.