Intensive session IIV..."its normal"...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Ropefree, Dec 18, 2008.

  1. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    back ground...months ago my son took to having large mixed groups over and attempting to have co-ed sleep overs... and also not coming home, not calliing, and two occations swearing at me in the worst way and pushing me
    (he was not sleeping enough and VERY HOSTILE)

    I called the police, who put him on notice.. and then took other measures to contact parents of the other teens...
    I have taken a stand against a family who does not follow social norms (answer phones, stay sober, prioritize the welfare of the teens over fun things for the adults and lacks respect for the values of others)...

    And in these sessions I have felt frustrated by the short and shallow interest that generalizes and minimizes and with extremely slow motion toward the
    foundation activities that were part of life and now are reintroduced.

    Starting with a "contract" between me and my son where he agrees to
    inform where he is with him and his plans befor going, and that he will come home when those are not agreeable, and that he does know if he does not come in for curfew he will deal with police.

    Initally he said he did not want to sign something that stated I would call the police. So we talked about that. It doesn't matter if he wants the police to be called if he fails to follow the sencible rules or not. I will call police if he is hurting me in any way, and I will not tolerate lack of respect for the curfew.

    Curfew is the law here, so if you do not have the measure for your children where you now live you might think of changing that where you are living.

    ANd then she says "all my clients that are teens are going through the same thing"...makes me wonder how quick she is to find a solution to a pervasive problem.

    Yes, teens will be teens, and in fact, these are LEARNED BEHAVORS. They are learning to behave this way from the school culture that uses foul words to depect people. ANd here the girls are leading the trend. of examples: little who**, and *itch as monikers.

    The effort has reoriented him toward the home at night rule, calling, and
    otherwise he is negative and isolating and the only time he will talk to me is to recieve something.

    The intensive therapy sessions are offering zero toward the relationship issues of daily behavor in the home. What I am hearing is that rude and indifferance and messy slovenly housekeeping is "normal".

    I think that is rediculas. Adults have the ability to pressure their sons and daughters to behave at home. It is pure nonscence to say that this age group is not participating. Who does that help? Not the teen who learns to do nothing whatever during the long dull boring last months befor adulthood.

    She is a nice smiling person and I am hoping that as time passes that getting adults into homes where these needs require interventions will eventually result in the role being created.

    On these posts I am hearing all the time about home ruteenes that are not working and if the current services for home behavor help are indifferant than that explains alot...if they can be had. OR if a family is even willing to try to bring in help for a child or teen. I think often the fact remains adults are feeling so vunerable that having anyone in the home to offer another veiw point feels invalidating. It is , actually, but at the same time I will only have these problems for a relatively short time. If I prevail our lifes are impacted forever, and if I fail we are still futher along a possitive change to the swearing and pushing episodes.
  2. compassion

    compassion Member

    Ropefree, I have been getting some of that from therapist. I am insiting though on signed contracts and they do help but it is taking a lot of time and energy and it is exhausting. I am also dealing with so many parents that just let their kids run wild and so she has so many ops to do stuff unsupervised but we ae now day 31 and no running and no illegal subatances.
    It is not the way I raise my kids. I need to remember that. i beleive in challenneling thier energy into healthy activites and healthy friends and facing not running or minimizing stuff. So she is goign to AA or therapy every day but Wed. and she goes to youth group that day. On weekends, I am having her do two meetings of AA. She was partying, running wild from June-Nov. 17. I had the kids over here, which I now regret some. I am taking a firmer stand now aobut no duruggies or alcohol users allowed. Putting that enrgy into her volunteering at Humane Society, doig club volleyball and taking voice lessons and hanging with kids that doot use even if it does mean a huge time sacrifice for dhand I. Hang in there.
    I ucke dout with my son , who has adhd but able to channel himinto activites like scouting and fenicng and youth groups and he never wanted to do the party scene. He also likes scenario games, darts, pools, shooting so many intersts.
    I am soin gthat with daughter but it is like fighting a raging dam. She is very vulnerable to peer pressure . This fourm has helped lots. Compassion
  3. BestICan

    BestICan This community rocks.

    It sounds like some of these other parents are difficult children themselves, dealing with addiction or possibly mental illness. It's hard to be compassionate toward them when they are affecting your son's life in a negative way. Sadly I doubt you'll ever have an impact on them, but hopefully your son will come to the realization that life is better without them.

    It sounds like maybe your therapist is missing that your son's behaviors are not normal for HIM. That he's sort of "fallen off the cliff" recently. I agree with you that just the act of seeking help is helpful in some way. It sends the message that you care, even if you aren't happy with the therapist.

    I'm unclear on how you got these services, but is it possible to request a new therapist?