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<blockquote data-quote="DaisyFace" data-source="post: 378889" data-attributes="member: 6546"><p>I think the problem here is really CLARITY.</p><p> </p><p>difficult child wanted his ear pierced. You didn't say "<em>No</em>"....you said "<em>OK, it will cost you $500</em>." The $500 was an arbitrary number having nothing to do with anything, really--but what you did was set a <em>monetary</em> price on ear piercing...not a goal, not a standard of conduct, not a certain GPA, but a <em>dollar value</em>. So all difficult child did was price-beat. Mom and Dad said "<em>$500</em>".....so-and-so said "<em>Free </em>". Easy choice for difficult child.</p><p> </p><p>So now, the problem with consequences is that there are no<em> logical</em> consequences that I can see. You didn't tell him that he was <em>not</em> allowed to have an earring - that may have been what you meant, but that's not what was communicated. And in any other situation, price-beating is usually a good thing....If difficult child wanted school clothes but didn't have $500 for the new wardrobe, he could decide to spend less by shopping at the discount store instead of the mall....under other circumstances, you would have been very proud of his creative problem solving and thriftiness.</p><p> </p><p>So, just my opinion, I think you need to talk this out and explain what you really wanted....and tell him you were sorry that you were not clear with your expectations. And at this point, negotiate what happens with the earring. Maybe it can stay if he demonstrates good hygience in taking care of it? Maybe it has to go because you really didn't want him to have a piercing in the first place? Maybe you are OK with a regular piercing but not with some of the more exotic, ear-lobe-stretching stuff that is out there these days. </p><p> </p><p>But I think to battle it out <em>just</em> to battle it out will be a lot of wasted energy...and at the end of the day, there are bigger things to worry about than whether difficult child has an earring.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DaisyFace, post: 378889, member: 6546"] I think the problem here is really CLARITY. difficult child wanted his ear pierced. You didn't say "[I]No[/I]"....you said "[I]OK, it will cost you $500[/I]." The $500 was an arbitrary number having nothing to do with anything, really--but what you did was set a [I]monetary[/I] price on ear piercing...not a goal, not a standard of conduct, not a certain GPA, but a [I]dollar value[/I]. So all difficult child did was price-beat. Mom and Dad said "[I]$500[/I]".....so-and-so said "[I]Free [/I]". Easy choice for difficult child. So now, the problem with consequences is that there are no[I] logical[/I] consequences that I can see. You didn't tell him that he was [I]not[/I] allowed to have an earring - that may have been what you meant, but that's not what was communicated. And in any other situation, price-beating is usually a good thing....If difficult child wanted school clothes but didn't have $500 for the new wardrobe, he could decide to spend less by shopping at the discount store instead of the mall....under other circumstances, you would have been very proud of his creative problem solving and thriftiness. So, just my opinion, I think you need to talk this out and explain what you really wanted....and tell him you were sorry that you were not clear with your expectations. And at this point, negotiate what happens with the earring. Maybe it can stay if he demonstrates good hygience in taking care of it? Maybe it has to go because you really didn't want him to have a piercing in the first place? Maybe you are OK with a regular piercing but not with some of the more exotic, ear-lobe-stretching stuff that is out there these days. But I think to battle it out [I]just[/I] to battle it out will be a lot of wasted energy...and at the end of the day, there are bigger things to worry about than whether difficult child has an earring. [/QUOTE]
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