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<blockquote data-quote="comatheart" data-source="post: 379158"><p>You have all given such great advice and put much insight into this for me. </p><p></p><p>I have to say that I did I stand up husband when he originally set the $500 goal. In fact, this is not the first time he has set rediculous goals (in my opinion) for difficult child and I've posted about them before. I always put up a fight about it and tell him I don't agree (not in front of difficult child of course) but but husband claims I'm far to lenient and nothing else has worked that "I" want to do and he is correct about that. What could I do or say to him?? I can't confuse difficult child by going behind husband's back and telling him something different. That would give difficult child far too much power to start playing husband and I against each other.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, to make a long story short we met with difficult child's counselor yesterday and it went VERY well. He really opened husband's eyes a lot. He sided with me (and most of you) about the $500 being ridiculous in the first place and suggested a better way of handling it. I've also shared your messages to husband as well so he is starting to see where it didn't make sense and further pushed difficult child into going the route that he did. </p><p></p><p>There will be no consequenses in this case. We already to backpack and room searches pretty frequently. Instead, the counselor led us into taking this -less extreme behavior than the recent past- and using it to our advantage to show difficult child that he CAN earn our trust back. I guess he thinks difficult child is numb to everything and reached the point of not caring what he does or the consequence because he doesn't think he can possibly every earn our trust again. </p><p></p><p>Sooooo... Late last night husband, difficult child and I had a brief talk about WHY he should never try and pierce himself, that we *trust* that he won't attempt it again. We then explained that what he wants to do is impulsive and we want to show him that impuslive decisions are not always the wisest and gave some examples of our own. If he can *think* about an ear piercing for 6 months, do all the research including risks, costs, best kind of metal to start out and why, location etc. If in 6 months he's still interested, and he earns the cost of the piercing, then we'll take him to get it done at a safe location. </p><p></p><p>He seemed very pleased and I feel much better about all of it. husband was slightly perturbed all day and I think he feels a bit picked on, but he'll get over it and I'm pretty sure he realizes he has been going too far. ;-) Let's just hope difficult child doesn't go out and do something crazy now because husband will have a field day since we "let him off the hook" in his eyes. *SIGH*</p><p></p><p>Did I mention I LOVE difficult child's Counselor? He's good for all of us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="comatheart, post: 379158"] You have all given such great advice and put much insight into this for me. I have to say that I did I stand up husband when he originally set the $500 goal. In fact, this is not the first time he has set rediculous goals (in my opinion) for difficult child and I've posted about them before. I always put up a fight about it and tell him I don't agree (not in front of difficult child of course) but but husband claims I'm far to lenient and nothing else has worked that "I" want to do and he is correct about that. What could I do or say to him?? I can't confuse difficult child by going behind husband's back and telling him something different. That would give difficult child far too much power to start playing husband and I against each other. Anyway, to make a long story short we met with difficult child's counselor yesterday and it went VERY well. He really opened husband's eyes a lot. He sided with me (and most of you) about the $500 being ridiculous in the first place and suggested a better way of handling it. I've also shared your messages to husband as well so he is starting to see where it didn't make sense and further pushed difficult child into going the route that he did. There will be no consequenses in this case. We already to backpack and room searches pretty frequently. Instead, the counselor led us into taking this -less extreme behavior than the recent past- and using it to our advantage to show difficult child that he CAN earn our trust back. I guess he thinks difficult child is numb to everything and reached the point of not caring what he does or the consequence because he doesn't think he can possibly every earn our trust again. Sooooo... Late last night husband, difficult child and I had a brief talk about WHY he should never try and pierce himself, that we *trust* that he won't attempt it again. We then explained that what he wants to do is impulsive and we want to show him that impuslive decisions are not always the wisest and gave some examples of our own. If he can *think* about an ear piercing for 6 months, do all the research including risks, costs, best kind of metal to start out and why, location etc. If in 6 months he's still interested, and he earns the cost of the piercing, then we'll take him to get it done at a safe location. He seemed very pleased and I feel much better about all of it. husband was slightly perturbed all day and I think he feels a bit picked on, but he'll get over it and I'm pretty sure he realizes he has been going too far. ;-) Let's just hope difficult child doesn't go out and do something crazy now because husband will have a field day since we "let him off the hook" in his eyes. *SIGH* Did I mention I LOVE difficult child's Counselor? He's good for all of us. [/QUOTE]
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