Interesting conversation with difficult child

[Wiped Out]

difficult child and I played tennis today and then walked home together (only about 1/2 mile but to difficult child it felt like 10 miles). It was a really nice time. On the way home he noticed the scars on my hand and asked what they were from. I told him the truth that they were from him when he was younger and used to do so much raging. We walked a little way more and he looked at me and sincerely apologized. Then he asked if he is doing a lot better with his violence. I responded that he was doing a whole lot better and he got a big smile on his face. He also commented that he is glad he doesn't steal anymore. He asked if I remembered that he used to steal. I said I did but that he had come a long way since then.

It was kind of a nice moment especially seeing him proud of himself for not being violent (even though I thought he already knew about the scars but he does forget things easily so maybe it just didn't stay with him-husband, difficult child, and I were actually talking about them a few weeks ago because husband asked what the white scars on my hand were from).

The rest of the day he was back in difficult child form but it reminded me of the just how far he has come. I remember back when he was violent almost every single day. I also remember how close he came to going into an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) two years ago when he was hospitalized 3 times in 3 months. I can't say he is never violent but it is rare and not at all like it used to be. He is still a total difficult child and may always will be; he still drives us crazy, still it is nice to know that he is making some progress.

 

[Ktllc]

That is so nice to have those moments to remind you how things have actually changed eventhough it's not perfect.
And that was great to tell the truth. I am a firm believer in telling the truth no matter what the question is (to my kids I mean, not to everyone ).
V will also forget a lot and ask questions about things I think he should know already... no way to know for sure though. Sometimes, it's easier to simply answer than to lecture about it.
If your difficult child progresses that much every 2 years, there might be hope for him to become a easy child, maybe!

 

[Malika]

Thanks for sharing that. I truly believe that people can transform themselves or be transformed and that it is absolutely possible for a former difficult child to become a easy child (and vice versa, alas). I think there is every hope that your guy will continue to gain insight into and control of himself.

 

[TerryJ2]

Aw, Wiped Out, that is so nice! Those moments are keepers.
You have really come a long way. I know exactly what you mean when you say you've come a long way from the times of violence every day, but there's a long way to go.
Many, many hugs and all the rewards you can get, Warrior Mom!

 

[llamafarm]

Wow. That is a wonderful thing to hear. I try to imagine that in our future. A serious, meaningful discussion about what he has done. And the realization that there has been growth. That is an amazing gift to treasure.

 

[cubsgirl]

What a great conversation and good for difficult child (and warrior Mom)!

 

[Wiped Out]

Ktllc-I agree that it is good to tell our kiddos the truth in answer to questions. I was sure to do it with-o any anger or judgement.

Malika-Thanks-it would be great if he could be a easy child but I'm just not seeing it, however, I am enjoying the baby steps

Terry-Thanks for the hugs and kind words.

Llamafarm-If you had told me a couple of years ago this would be possible I wouldn't have believed it. So much has come into play. Being here, having a great psychiatrist and therapist for difficult child, having a great Special Education case manager in middle school, and also the right medication. Since starting the Clozapine we have seen the greatest decline in violence. I believe you can get there as well with your difficult child

Cubsgirl-Thanks

 

[susiestar]

I am so glad you are seeing such progress and that HE is glad that he isn't violent or stealing any more. I know how gobsmacked I was the first time Wiz took my hand and massaged it so gently and kissed it because it was hurting from where he had hurt me in a rage. He knows that I don't blame him and that I KNOW that he couldn't control it at that time, and finally he is working on forgiving himself. It is great to see and to be a part of.

You did the right thing to tell him with-o judgement and also to be proud that he is glad he isn't that way anymore.

Llamafarm, I spent several years being 110% positive that my difficult child's adult years would be spent in prison (NOT JAIL, PRISON) for seriously hurting or killing someone, probably his sister or I. It got so bad I had to have him removed by the sheriff's office to save ALL of our lives because someone was going to end up dead. He ended up living wth my parents and we all worked hard to turn him around. Now he is an awesome young man with really GOOD people as close friends, with great grades in a 4 yr university, a job he has had for years, and a bright future ahead of him. I did NOT believe it when he was 11-15, but things DID get better. It took DRASTIC action and a lot of work, medications, therapies, etc..... but the results made it all worth it.

 

[Bunny]

Don't you just love those moments??

I think that it's really great when not only you, the warrior mom, notice the changes, but when the difficult child notices them as well. It is definately something for him to be proud of.