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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 610825" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p><em><span style="color: #0000cd">"Each time I search for how to communicate my feelings to you, I clarify them to myself, push the borders a little further." </span></em></p><p><em><span style="color: #0000cd"></span></em></p><p>That is also very true for me too Cedar. And, I am quite grateful for the opportunity.</p><p></p><p>That story about your mom is creepy Cedar...........our mothers were cruel. Was it vulnerability they saw in their daughters to bring out that cruelty? </p><p></p><p>I've been cruel to myself. Other daughter's of cruel mothers turned out to be cruel themselves..........My grandmother was cruel to my mother............sheesh..........I very much want to believe that with me, the 'buck stops here.'</p><p></p><p>I like your kaleidoscope analogy. I was just talking to Nomad (as we do here) about how I have learned to look at my daughter and our lack of connection, my detachment from her, from a certain perspective, a certain lens.........through which I choose what I am willing to see.........because if I see it a certain way, it hurts my heart...... deeply..............the same with my mother, sister, brother..................some others too................perhaps what I've done is made some personal adjustments to the kaleidoscope I look through which now omits certain views...........the views which I can't change and which in some manner harm me. The views I am choosing are more peaceful and............ allow me to breathe deeply. </p><p></p><p>I did have to walk through all those feelings though, I'm not sure you can choose to have a different perspective if you haven't felt your own pain.........perhaps then it would simply be denial. </p><p></p><p>With speech we can do that with our languaging. We can learn to choose to <em>not </em>suffer. We can change the way we define a thing...........When I was first studying meditation, what seemed the most daunting was to learn to push aside all the thoughts...........that always seemed to be the final frontier, how to quiet the mind from it's continual assessment, judgment, evaluation...........thoughts that are so unkind to ourselves let alone others. I think it's a good practice to quiet the mind, to allow space between all of those thoughts.........peace seems to live there.</p><p></p><p>And, if there's one thing I am always making every attempt to expand..........that would be peace..............and the other...........freedom...............</p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 610825, member: 13542"] [I][COLOR=#0000cd]"Each time I search for how to communicate my feelings to you, I clarify them to myself, push the borders a little further." [/COLOR][/I] That is also very true for me too Cedar. And, I am quite grateful for the opportunity. That story about your mom is creepy Cedar...........our mothers were cruel. Was it vulnerability they saw in their daughters to bring out that cruelty? I've been cruel to myself. Other daughter's of cruel mothers turned out to be cruel themselves..........My grandmother was cruel to my mother............sheesh..........I very much want to believe that with me, the 'buck stops here.' I like your kaleidoscope analogy. I was just talking to Nomad (as we do here) about how I have learned to look at my daughter and our lack of connection, my detachment from her, from a certain perspective, a certain lens.........through which I choose what I am willing to see.........because if I see it a certain way, it hurts my heart...... deeply..............the same with my mother, sister, brother..................some others too................perhaps what I've done is made some personal adjustments to the kaleidoscope I look through which now omits certain views...........the views which I can't change and which in some manner harm me. The views I am choosing are more peaceful and............ allow me to breathe deeply. I did have to walk through all those feelings though, I'm not sure you can choose to have a different perspective if you haven't felt your own pain.........perhaps then it would simply be denial. With speech we can do that with our languaging. We can learn to choose to [I]not [/I]suffer. We can change the way we define a thing...........When I was first studying meditation, what seemed the most daunting was to learn to push aside all the thoughts...........that always seemed to be the final frontier, how to quiet the mind from it's continual assessment, judgment, evaluation...........thoughts that are so unkind to ourselves let alone others. I think it's a good practice to quiet the mind, to allow space between all of those thoughts.........peace seems to live there. And, if there's one thing I am always making every attempt to expand..........that would be peace..............and the other...........freedom............... [COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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