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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 610944" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>I remember that happening too, Recovering. It's like I knew bad things had happened. But what I didn't know is that it was just as bad that those things happened to ME as it would have been, had they happened to someone else. That is probably what was so traumatic in witnessing what I saw with my sibs. Much of my therapy revolved around the fact that it was wrong that those things should have happened to anyone. Then, I could see the wrongness of it. Then, I could change my perception of which of the people involved in the interaction was wrong. Humans will strive to rationalize, to make sense of, everything that happens. It is what keeps us sane. So, when we are mistreated, we rationalize that, too.</p><p>There is a part of me which survived it by being able to "take it." It is a good part of me, a strong part. But she does not question the validity of what is happening; she simply assures we will survive it. </p><p></p><p>It is difficult to find a thing consistently strong enough to confront and face down those old teachings, a thing strong enough to enable me to question the validity of shame. </p><p></p><p>Thank goodness I have my grandmother's love to wrap around and light my way out of there.</p><p></p><p>So, love must be eternal, then. My grandmother has been dead a very long time.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, right now, it feels as though I must not be telling the truth.</p><p></p><p>Surely, these things cannot have happened. It feels wrong to question, wrong to blame and accuse.</p><p></p><p>But it's just like what is happening with Witz. Whether we believe it or not, there are the marks; there is the family, still being so out of whack and abnormal and pointlessly, endlessly, hurtful. </p><p></p><p>So it must be true, then.</p><p></p><p>But here is the difference. Now, there is enough of me. I am authentic in more places, now. I am able to hold strong for the child I was, without questioning the validity of the story. That is Brene Brown. There is nothing we have to do. That is Joel Osteen. No rationalizing. No vengeance, no atonement. Just be there, stay there, and see. </p><p></p><p>It is what it is.</p><p></p><p>And it is better to know.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for reading along. It is good, to have a witness.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 610944, member: 1721"] I remember that happening too, Recovering. It's like I knew bad things had happened. But what I didn't know is that it was just as bad that those things happened to ME as it would have been, had they happened to someone else. That is probably what was so traumatic in witnessing what I saw with my sibs. Much of my therapy revolved around the fact that it was wrong that those things should have happened to anyone. Then, I could see the wrongness of it. Then, I could change my perception of which of the people involved in the interaction was wrong. Humans will strive to rationalize, to make sense of, everything that happens. It is what keeps us sane. So, when we are mistreated, we rationalize that, too. There is a part of me which survived it by being able to "take it." It is a good part of me, a strong part. But she does not question the validity of what is happening; she simply assures we will survive it. It is difficult to find a thing consistently strong enough to confront and face down those old teachings, a thing strong enough to enable me to question the validity of shame. Thank goodness I have my grandmother's love to wrap around and light my way out of there. So, love must be eternal, then. My grandmother has been dead a very long time. Sometimes, right now, it feels as though I must not be telling the truth. Surely, these things cannot have happened. It feels wrong to question, wrong to blame and accuse. But it's just like what is happening with Witz. Whether we believe it or not, there are the marks; there is the family, still being so out of whack and abnormal and pointlessly, endlessly, hurtful. So it must be true, then. But here is the difference. Now, there is enough of me. I am authentic in more places, now. I am able to hold strong for the child I was, without questioning the validity of the story. That is Brene Brown. There is nothing we have to do. That is Joel Osteen. No rationalizing. No vengeance, no atonement. Just be there, stay there, and see. It is what it is. And it is better to know. Thank you for reading along. It is good, to have a witness. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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