Interesting New Development...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Oct 15, 2011.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    husband had been send difficult child text messages trying to see if we could get some communication going...

    difficult child finally responded this afternoon with a series of threats about how she was going to call the police on us and if we expected to have her come back, we were going to have to get a few things straightened out. (Her words)

    Then, we get a call from the father of the guy difficult child is staying with. Turns out the man is a retired police officer. Threatened husband. Told him if he didn't allow difficult child back home right now - he was pressing charges and husband was going to be facing serious jail time.

    husband told him to go right ahead.

    The man was not prepared for this response. He and husband talked for a few minutes....and then husband invited him over to discuss things.

    I had been going through my paperwork to copy a few things for DammitJanet - so I left my files on the kitchen table. The man (H) and his wife (A) seemed like very nice people who had been given a horror story about our abusive nature. They were actually afraid to come into our house! So H approached the door first, and when he decided we were not luring him in to kill him, he signaled for his wife to join us...

    So we sat down over coffee and went through some of my files.

    H and A were stunned! They then revealed a few things they had noticed about difficult child, and you could see the puzzle pieces clicking into place for them. Now all this time, they had left difficult child sitting out in their car. Apparantly, the original plan was for H to intimidate the heck out of us...and then send difficult child inside.

    Instead, A went out to get her purse, because she suddenly did not feel safe leaving her valuables in the car alone with difficult child.

    After a while, difficult child was invited in to join the conversation and OH was she upset! This had NOT gone the way she planned at all!

    DJ told her she could come home if she followed house rules, closed her new fb account and turned in her cell phone. H and A encouraged her that this was the right thing to do.

    But it was so obvious that difficult child was upset. The four adults ended up telling her that ultimately, the choice to come home and comply was up to her. difficult child decided she could not come home right now because her deoderant was at H and A's house... And H and A decided to accept this because they had originally told difficult child that she was welcome to spend the whole weekend, and they did not want to make her any more upset.

    So they took her home with them tonight - with plans to get her to church first thing in the morning.

    I almost feel bad for these nice people who just thought they were helping a "poor kid"...


    And figure this one out:

    The retired police office did not call CPS to report neglect.

    difficult child told several teachers AND the school guidance counselor that she had been thrown out - yet none of them made a call to CPS.

    And we already know that neither the behavior person, her supervisor, Idiot Caseworker nor Caseworker's supervisor made a report...

    Aren't all these folks mandated reporters? Shouldn't CPS have been at our door on Thursday?


    And one more thing I found: this action by us was *supposed* to trigger an emergency response from Idiot Caseworker. difficult child was supposed to have been immediately placed into a Therapeutic Foster Home and then a counseling session set up so the family could all sit down and discuss the situation after a suitable "cooling off" period...

    But instead - here we are....still in the Twilight Zone.

  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well you now have a new ally in your corner in this fight. Wahooo.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Just gets sillier and sillier. But I LOVE that you were able to talk to the couple. That was really cool. My son HATES when his teachers and I say the same things. He always tells her, "YOU SOUND LIKE MY MOM" and he does the same to me re: her. In the end they really do function better when we all are on the same page and they are not allowed to triangulate, but OH do they get mad. (smirk)

    Hang tough, it is one of the most amazing stories I have heard (shows how much I know , right....I am sure you can't be the one and only family being screwed with in the system) but how you handle it all...that is impressive. by the way, not that this is right, but do you think the school folks etc. (except the idiot caseworkers0 didn't report because they know she lies? Just curious how many are on to her.
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    WOW! Just wow.Are you sure your difficult child and Step's Onnyx aren't related? That sounds vaguely familiar, the having outside people "snowed" thing and having it all planned out how the situation will go and etc. I am glad H and A finally saw the light but sorry you were put in a position to have to "air your dirty laundry".

    As for the CPS thing, I'm not sure so I won't speak to that. Yes, IdiotCaseworker AND her supervisor dropped the ball on this one and I would make sure to mention that to them in writing with a cc to the Head Honcho they ultimately work under. There is no excuse for that.

    Enjoy your week-end.
  5. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    What, someone in your county/state actually doing their job and reporting it to cps? I'd be in shock if it happened.

    How did you find out about what was supposed to happen? I'm sure the people who work with your case didn't want you know THAT info.

    You have my sympathy and hugs.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Now THERE's an understatement!

    Lets see...
    For the first time, SOMEBODY on the face of the earth (in real life - i.e. beyond this board) actually SEES what you are seeing and going through. It helps that one is a retired police officer... if only because he will NOT be seen as some pansy that you've pulled one over on.

    And, the paper trail is starting to add up on the others...

    Maybe not quite cooking with gas yet - but I'd be surprised if the pot isn't boiling by Monday...!

    My head is spinning... so, yours must be out of the galaxy!
  7. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Do you think it's time to consider emancipation?
    Ours has recently brought this up. She is 15. I don't know how these teens have been given so much power over us. Is it possible idiot behavior person gave her permission to be an ***hole?
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She can only emancipate if she has the means to emancipate herself. Job, ability to find and keep a house, Access to transportation. Or if she has finished schooling and got her GED or got married. Or with that GED, her parents have signed her into the military. Now there is a lovely thought. Get her to 17, get her GED and get her in the military...oh then party hard. Let her be uncle Sams problem for 4 That is one I might really consider.
  9. keista

    keista New Member

    Emancipation requires a child to be self supporting. Not happening here. Sure would be nice, though.
  10. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Holy cow-could this get any nuttier? I have had similar horrid situations with our state as well. They are so tangled in bull and I think they have some of the most untrained, inexperienced people. Good therapists have better job-they know the system is broken and could not morally stand to be part of it.
    Emancipation is not a possibility. With her mental health issues-SSI would be smarter. Though that is a huge decision and limits so much of her future.
    As for calling CPS-they all should have. You can actually refuse custody of her when they come to your door. They will conduct one of their crapy investigations and know you have done all you can. They then have to find placement. We did this at Youth Services-but ours ran away from there and ended up home again. Maybe this is the only way to get the help.
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Well this supports my theory that the biggest problem with the difficult children we have (not all difficult child's on the board) is that we parents aren't getting the backup we need. How much more effective is it for a retired cop to back up and support you and husband than to use the mst behavior chart where you bargain safety and legal behavior requirements?

    I can't even address why no one called CPS- but I'm glad they didn't in your case. I really don't think anymore that the problem is lack of funding for these agencies- it's wasting the funding they do have that's the problem. They're too busy buying into bogus, ineffective methods, hiring incompetent people who are convinced it's all the parents' fault and believe themselves that the difficult child is entitled to almost everything then blame the parent for the kid feeling and acting entitled, and most importantly, using funding for our kids to really set up ways to train new, inexperienced and young people. What's the worst is that 9 times out of 10, the people doing the training are people who started out like these newbies and after a year or so, turned into supers who are now 'leading' the other newbies.
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    re: military....I hear different things, can people who take medications go into the military? I had heard people with a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) can't but my neighbor's son has Asperger's and he previously had been diagnosed BiPolar (BP) incorrectly. Now he is doing an amazing job in the military and has been promoted a few times already! He is crazy smart (very high IQ) and great memory, very rigid about rules but can problem solve....perfect match.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I dont know about Aspergers. I know my son is ADHD but he quit medications the summer before entering HS so he could enter the Marines. He had been in contact with recruiters since he was in middle school. He did wonderful in there and was honorably discharged and is now working for the sheriff's dept in VA.

    I have a personal theory and not all will agree with me but I think that all young adults should serve in the military in some capacity for 2 years after they leave HS. Now I dont mean all go fight in a war and of course there are some who are so disabled it isnt possible like people who are paraplegic. But kids who can even file papers or work in a kitchen or do construction or learn to drive a car or other things like that, even do computer work. Easy stuff, greet people at a gate by pointing out which way to go. I think most kids could do something. Not everything has to be related to fighting. But after that two years, the government would pay for their college. A 4 year college degree.
  14. seriously

    seriously New Member

    SC has no provision for emancipation of a minor beyond the "incorrigible" statute I posted earlier. Which does mean you only have to get her to 17and you won't be accused of abandoning her if you kick her out. Sounds like you have sufficient evidence to meet the "incorrigible" definition.

    That's great that you have another set of adults who are complete strangers and are dealing with her. At least you can feel like she's safe.
  15. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Yep - that's what we thought, too! One more family on our side. Whoo-Hoo!


    That's a possibility I hadn't thought about. Maybe everyone is hesitating to report us because it sounds like a pack of lies? That could very well be...


    Yes, it should be reported to somebody. I'm just not sure who.... The governor maybe?


    When difficult child was accepted into this program last winter, we were given a handbook listing all the services provided. And one by one, it has been explained to us (verbally, of course) that none of those services are actually available and they don't actually do most of the stuff listed in the handbook. This EXACT scenario is listed in the handbook....but instead of following their own handbook, they just decided to drop us.


    Yes - he might be a good "character witness" for us one day...


    I don't think that "emancipation" is actually available as a legal option. BUT - if difficult child really wanted to, she could join JobCorps or any number of Military Schools. They all help troubled kids get their GED and get a job and get on with life. A child just has to be 16 and be willing to follow the terms of the program.


    Yes - "abandonment" may be the only option we have left.
  16. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I don't know why the system is such a mess either. I have no insight....and no ideas on how to fix it.


    Yes, it's good to know she landed with good least temporarily. I guess we'll just hold our breath until she reaches 17...
  17. buddy

    buddy New Member

    wow, your story would make a good 20/20 episode. But they would only do the story after something tragic happened...."why didn't anyone listen to the parents?" It is amazing that the handbook describes this exact situation. How is it you are sane? It is crazy making even just reading it. To settle myself down,I have to go all spiritual and hope there is a greater purpose for your going thru this, for the life of me I dont know what. It is not your job to fix the system. You just want help for one kid. sigh.
  18. keista

    keista New Member

    REALLY? If that's true, sounds like someone is embezzling funds. SERIOUSLY How is this organization run and funded? If there is a board, I would go to the very next board meeting. Find out which governmental committee funds them. Is this place/group/whatever specific to your county or a statewide program with other branches offices in other counties?

    Honest to goodness when I first started reading this thread, that's what I thought, but after finding out they have pamphlet and handbook and actually said that none of that is available, it really stinks like last week's fish!
  19. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Skip the "next board meeting" stuff...
    Ship Keista's question to the media. Or better yet - is there an ombudsman or a whistle-blower contact? Or both plus political level?

    Where, exactly, is all the money going anyway? The politicians don't want "waste" in the system... but if the money is going "somewhere" and yet advertised services are not available... 1) why does the brochure include these services? and 2) why would these not be provided?

    This smells like a rat to me... and you won't solve it by staying within the framework of the department responsible.

    Canada is different... but if this were here, I'd be contacting my elected rep - or better yet, the leader of the opposition 'cause they REALLY like to get their hands on this stuff - and giving them the lowdown and seeing if they can blow the lid off.
  20. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    What elected officials are coming up for re-election in your state this year? Find out and also find out who is running against them. Call both parties for state and fed level reps and see which side will help. Offer to publicly support them - even if it means an article in the paper about how you uncovered the fraud/idiocy/whatever and how this person really helped get what your family needed and helped identfy the problems in the system. Look for a family values candidate and/or a law-and-order candidate. Family values because this help would support the family, not just the difficult child. the Law-and-order candidate because first it is fraud in the system and second because treatment at a young age can very much reduce the chances that the difficult child would commit crimes as an adult.

    This is something that the top dog AND the governor could be contacted about. Why not call the governor's office and ask why he is allowing the Dept of human svcs to operate a program that provides exactly none of the services in the handbook and the program guidelines?