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<blockquote data-quote="greenrene" data-source="post: 572736" data-attributes="member: 9177"><p>Well, to start with, it would be for about a month. I told sister in law that it would need to be long enough for difficult child to stop honeymooning and have reality set in. We won't allow difficult child to see it as a power play - if this doesn't work, then TBS is going to probably be necessary, and we will carefully choose if/when to play that card. I know she will NOT like the idea of TBS, mainly because it would be an all-girls place.</p><p></p><p>Part of me feels really awful about this, and I'm having to talk myself down from guilty feelings. I know that I haven't been the perfect stepmom. I do feel like I've done the best I could have with what I've been dealt. I freely admit that I have no idea what to do with difficult child anymore - everything I try has failed miserably. I try to disengage from arguments, I try to ignore disrespectful attitudes and rudeness, but then again, I feel like it gives her power to just be allowed to say those awful things... It's a hard line to draw. </p><p></p><p>For example - over Christmas I was telling mother in law about how sometimes when difficult child is sent to her room, she starts going OFF very loudly about how awful and stupid our family is, how much she hates me, how much she wishes her dad would divorce me, and on and on and on... Most of the time we just ignore it, but there are times when it's so loud that the whole house, including her younger brothers, can hear her ranting. That's when her dad or I go back there to tell her to can it. mother in law said that's exactly what we should NOT do, that we should instead just have the boys go outside or something so they can't hear and just ignore difficult child. I have also told mother in law that no matter what I say or do, the situation always escalates, so I have chosen for my own sanity to just let others (husband, mother in law, father in law) handle things like that. Well, a few days after that (while we were still, all 13 of us, at my mother in law's house), difficult child got mad at me because I wouldn't let her watch TV immediately after she woke up. She started spouting off at her grandma, started that rude, disrespectful ranting, and was sent upstairs to cool off. The area she was sent is actually a loft, and when difficult child went up there, she continued loudly ranting and going on and on like she usually does, and everyone could hear. mother in law ended up doing exactly what she told me that I shouldn't do - went up there and made her can it under threats of total grounding from all electronics, screens, and activities.</p><p></p><p>The others in the family sure have a lot to say about difficult child, and they try to be supportive, but NONE of them has lived it OR lives it like I do. When they say that it's obvious that I just don't like her, that I glare at her, etc, it just pisses me off. Yes I'm well aware that I probably do glare at her. I've spent the past 12 FREAKING YEARS having to be hyper-vigilant to her behavior - I've HAD to watch her like a hawk, to listen to the nuances of what she says to nip bad behavior in the bud and redirect her. And yes, difficult child just plain ticks me off a LOT of the time. That's because she is obnoxious, inappropriate, and rude a LOT of the time! It's exhausting to deal with her, and I'm at my breaking point.</p><p></p><p>Sorry to ramble, it's just so hard...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="greenrene, post: 572736, member: 9177"] Well, to start with, it would be for about a month. I told sister in law that it would need to be long enough for difficult child to stop honeymooning and have reality set in. We won't allow difficult child to see it as a power play - if this doesn't work, then TBS is going to probably be necessary, and we will carefully choose if/when to play that card. I know she will NOT like the idea of TBS, mainly because it would be an all-girls place. Part of me feels really awful about this, and I'm having to talk myself down from guilty feelings. I know that I haven't been the perfect stepmom. I do feel like I've done the best I could have with what I've been dealt. I freely admit that I have no idea what to do with difficult child anymore - everything I try has failed miserably. I try to disengage from arguments, I try to ignore disrespectful attitudes and rudeness, but then again, I feel like it gives her power to just be allowed to say those awful things... It's a hard line to draw. For example - over Christmas I was telling mother in law about how sometimes when difficult child is sent to her room, she starts going OFF very loudly about how awful and stupid our family is, how much she hates me, how much she wishes her dad would divorce me, and on and on and on... Most of the time we just ignore it, but there are times when it's so loud that the whole house, including her younger brothers, can hear her ranting. That's when her dad or I go back there to tell her to can it. mother in law said that's exactly what we should NOT do, that we should instead just have the boys go outside or something so they can't hear and just ignore difficult child. I have also told mother in law that no matter what I say or do, the situation always escalates, so I have chosen for my own sanity to just let others (husband, mother in law, father in law) handle things like that. Well, a few days after that (while we were still, all 13 of us, at my mother in law's house), difficult child got mad at me because I wouldn't let her watch TV immediately after she woke up. She started spouting off at her grandma, started that rude, disrespectful ranting, and was sent upstairs to cool off. The area she was sent is actually a loft, and when difficult child went up there, she continued loudly ranting and going on and on like she usually does, and everyone could hear. mother in law ended up doing exactly what she told me that I shouldn't do - went up there and made her can it under threats of total grounding from all electronics, screens, and activities. The others in the family sure have a lot to say about difficult child, and they try to be supportive, but NONE of them has lived it OR lives it like I do. When they say that it's obvious that I just don't like her, that I glare at her, etc, it just pisses me off. Yes I'm well aware that I probably do glare at her. I've spent the past 12 FREAKING YEARS having to be hyper-vigilant to her behavior - I've HAD to watch her like a hawk, to listen to the nuances of what she says to nip bad behavior in the bud and redirect her. And yes, difficult child just plain ticks me off a LOT of the time. That's because she is obnoxious, inappropriate, and rude a LOT of the time! It's exhausting to deal with her, and I'm at my breaking point. Sorry to ramble, it's just so hard... [/QUOTE]
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