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Interesting turn of events
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<blockquote data-quote="greenrene" data-source="post: 572790" data-attributes="member: 9177"><p>Yes, it's a double-edged sword issue with this whole situation. sister in law does understand more than most and is wanting/willing to help, but she still says things that make ME feel like the one with issues and somehow responsible for difficult child's issues. I freely admit I have issues. I freely admit that I should probably be in therapy. I grew up with an abusive difficult child mother, and those are scars that I don't know if they will ever go away. I also freely admit that there are ways in which I am like my mother, and I do work hard to combat those things. BUT MY MOTHERING IS NOT ONE OF THOSE WAYS. Nobody can/should make the call that I treat difficult child the way I do because of my issues with my mother - difficult child IS NOT MY BIOLOGICAL CHILD!!!!! I think having a difficult child mother and KNOWING the dysfunctional thought patterns that can some with difficult child-dom has helped me to be all the more aware of the severity of difficult child's issues.</p><p></p><p>But when I explain that difficult child loves to play the victim, that she blames her "horrible life" on me and whoever else she happens to be mad at, it sounds like I'm doing the exact same thing - it sounds like I'm trying to play the victim of this rude, inappropriate, disrespectful child and blame her! But... she IS the difficult child... I can't win, it seems. sister in law has said several times "difficult child says it's all you, and you say it's all her" - well yes, it IS pretty much all her! I'm not perfect by any means, but I'm NOT the difficult child in the picture. I am not a habitual liar, I am not inappropriate, rude, or disrespectful... I have done my darn best to try to teach that child about life and raise her to be able to function in society, but it is not working, and I'm tired of feeling like people think that I'm part of the problem. I'm a DAMN good mother, especially considering the example I had.</p><p></p><p>I guess I'm needing to do a little venting...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="greenrene, post: 572790, member: 9177"] Yes, it's a double-edged sword issue with this whole situation. sister in law does understand more than most and is wanting/willing to help, but she still says things that make ME feel like the one with issues and somehow responsible for difficult child's issues. I freely admit I have issues. I freely admit that I should probably be in therapy. I grew up with an abusive difficult child mother, and those are scars that I don't know if they will ever go away. I also freely admit that there are ways in which I am like my mother, and I do work hard to combat those things. BUT MY MOTHERING IS NOT ONE OF THOSE WAYS. Nobody can/should make the call that I treat difficult child the way I do because of my issues with my mother - difficult child IS NOT MY BIOLOGICAL CHILD!!!!! I think having a difficult child mother and KNOWING the dysfunctional thought patterns that can some with difficult child-dom has helped me to be all the more aware of the severity of difficult child's issues. But when I explain that difficult child loves to play the victim, that she blames her "horrible life" on me and whoever else she happens to be mad at, it sounds like I'm doing the exact same thing - it sounds like I'm trying to play the victim of this rude, inappropriate, disrespectful child and blame her! But... she IS the difficult child... I can't win, it seems. sister in law has said several times "difficult child says it's all you, and you say it's all her" - well yes, it IS pretty much all her! I'm not perfect by any means, but I'm NOT the difficult child in the picture. I am not a habitual liar, I am not inappropriate, rude, or disrespectful... I have done my darn best to try to teach that child about life and raise her to be able to function in society, but it is not working, and I'm tired of feeling like people think that I'm part of the problem. I'm a DAMN good mother, especially considering the example I had. I guess I'm needing to do a little venting... [/QUOTE]
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