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Interesting Update on difficult child 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Janna" data-source="post: 9405" data-attributes="member: 2737"><p>Thank you everyone. LDM, I love your post. Thank you.</p><p></p><p>Maybe I was misunderstanding when I said about having difficult child 2 make the first step. Try to remember, the goal has always been (and still is today) reunification. We were working on that goal, family counseling was in place and we were attending. We were increasing home visits. He was doing well in school. His visits were going great! Then all of a sudden, in an instant, he decided he didn't want to come home. He wanted permanent placement with the previous foster parents, the K's. He couldn't handle living here. </p><p></p><p>So, all our (I say our, meaning me, my kids and SO, too) work was for basically nothing. difficult child 2 and I had a pretty nice relationship going, I felt we were bonding, and then, like I said, all gone.</p><p></p><p>So, basically, if he wants to reunify, that's okay with me. But, he needs to make the first phone call to the CYS caseworker and let her know. Yes, I'm scared to death. Yes, I am apprehensive. But yes, LDM, I would never forget he is my son, my first born, and I love him to death. I would like more than anything to have him home. However, I don't want him home if he's going to ruin everything I've worked so hard on with the other two children. Dylan's ODD is gone. easy child is slowly but surely losing his attitude. Everyone's on a routine. They do their chores. Things here run so smooth. I don't want him to destroy that. I cannot allow that. I know he has it in him to roll along with the rest of us. The question is, will he? He has a huge problem with respect. He really has an awful attitude. So many things to think about. Ahhh.</p><p></p><p>SRL, I appreciate your input as well. I know your words are meant to be helpful. With no disrespect, maybe you have missed some of my posts? I know alot of things with difficult child 2 seem to be negative, and they are. But, there was a period of time, maybe 3-4 months ago, where things were really great and I was posting alot of positives (mostly in the Good Morning thread, maybe). But, I do fully understand where you're coming from.</p><p></p><p>Trying to get things in place will be difficult, because well, I don't really know what to put in place. He'll go back to the school he was at with the K's, because we live in the same school district. They are already all familiar with him. As far as in home, I don't want anyone else in my home, which could make this hard lol. I've done the gamut of behavior mod, TSS's, Mobile Therapists, Behavioral Specialists, and everything else. I dont want anyone else in my home. He doesn't want to do any more individual therapy. He doesn't want to do any more family therapy. What am I going to do? I dunno. We all said we'd sit down, draw up rules, consequences, etc - a behavioral contract if you will, and sign it. That doesn't mean he'll stick to it (we tried this one before and it bombed, but that was a long time ago). I don't know - he may change his mind by tomorrow and we'll be back in the current situation LOL! Who knows with him.</p><p></p><p>Janna</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Janna, post: 9405, member: 2737"] Thank you everyone. LDM, I love your post. Thank you. Maybe I was misunderstanding when I said about having difficult child 2 make the first step. Try to remember, the goal has always been (and still is today) reunification. We were working on that goal, family counseling was in place and we were attending. We were increasing home visits. He was doing well in school. His visits were going great! Then all of a sudden, in an instant, he decided he didn't want to come home. He wanted permanent placement with the previous foster parents, the K's. He couldn't handle living here. So, all our (I say our, meaning me, my kids and SO, too) work was for basically nothing. difficult child 2 and I had a pretty nice relationship going, I felt we were bonding, and then, like I said, all gone. So, basically, if he wants to reunify, that's okay with me. But, he needs to make the first phone call to the CYS caseworker and let her know. Yes, I'm scared to death. Yes, I am apprehensive. But yes, LDM, I would never forget he is my son, my first born, and I love him to death. I would like more than anything to have him home. However, I don't want him home if he's going to ruin everything I've worked so hard on with the other two children. Dylan's ODD is gone. easy child is slowly but surely losing his attitude. Everyone's on a routine. They do their chores. Things here run so smooth. I don't want him to destroy that. I cannot allow that. I know he has it in him to roll along with the rest of us. The question is, will he? He has a huge problem with respect. He really has an awful attitude. So many things to think about. Ahhh. SRL, I appreciate your input as well. I know your words are meant to be helpful. With no disrespect, maybe you have missed some of my posts? I know alot of things with difficult child 2 seem to be negative, and they are. But, there was a period of time, maybe 3-4 months ago, where things were really great and I was posting alot of positives (mostly in the Good Morning thread, maybe). But, I do fully understand where you're coming from. Trying to get things in place will be difficult, because well, I don't really know what to put in place. He'll go back to the school he was at with the K's, because we live in the same school district. They are already all familiar with him. As far as in home, I don't want anyone else in my home, which could make this hard lol. I've done the gamut of behavior mod, TSS's, Mobile Therapists, Behavioral Specialists, and everything else. I dont want anyone else in my home. He doesn't want to do any more individual therapy. He doesn't want to do any more family therapy. What am I going to do? I dunno. We all said we'd sit down, draw up rules, consequences, etc - a behavioral contract if you will, and sign it. That doesn't mean he'll stick to it (we tried this one before and it bombed, but that was a long time ago). I don't know - he may change his mind by tomorrow and we'll be back in the current situation LOL! Who knows with him. Janna [/QUOTE]
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