Interesting...update on the DEX "situation"

[Shari]

As I posted last week, DEX, after 6+ years of complete uninvolvement with wee difficult child, called last week asking, on behalf of his whacky girlfriend, to get wee difficult child on Sunday for family photos. We already had plans, which I told him, and he was more than fine with that (I wasn't, because I just know in my gut that this is just the beginning, the woman wants those kids (she even posted on facebook that she can't wait to gain 2 sons and a grandson when she marries DEX - difficult child 1 has told her she is NOT involved in his life - period.))
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The photos DEX was asking to take wee difficult child to, he said, were supposed to be on Sunday, in a public park on mainstreet of a very small town near us. They were being done thru church. We attended a wedding on Saturday in the same park. easy child 1 didn't want to drive home afterward, so he left his car there. husband took him to get it on Sunday and noticed the park was empty.
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There were no pictures in the park. I looked into it (I get the church emails) and the pictures DEX was talking about were done the previous weekend.
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I also talked to exMIL about my decision to not let wee difficult child go with them. She supports me, as much as she can. She also said that, shortly after difficult child 1's wife and son were in town, whacky girlfriend has talked to them and told them now that she's in the picture, she wants me out of it. And has now been telling DEX and the exInLaws that I am the one sleeping with husband's cousin.
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WHAT???
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Thankfully, they don't beleive her. And try as I might, I can't come up with why she would do that, other than to cover her own butt in case I were to "tattle" on her. Either that or an attempt to make them unhappy with me so they will get rid of me.
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My only concern in this situation has been wee difficult child and his stability. Whacky girlfriend was still trying to get her paws on wee difficult child, even when her eye was on the door...that doesn't bode well, in my mind, for wee difficult child's stability. Beyond that, I don't care who is sleeping with who.
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Moving is on my mind. How/why do I get dragged into this kinda junk?

 

[susiestar]

Would it be at ALL possible for you to agree to let DEX not pay child support in exchange for termination of his parental rights?

I see this as the only major way you will keep her away from wee difficult child. You need to act FAST on this to keep her out of it.

She seems incredibly unstable. I would be worried about her deciding to leave DEX but "keep" the kids adn then just disappearing with weegfg.

Where, exactly, were they if no photos were taken in the park? That is scary to me. She sust seems so obsessed with the kids and grandbaby.

NEVER underestimate the dangerous and crazy things she might do. I am sure you already know this, but if your gut tells you that weegfg should NOT go then you need to use whatever excuse/reason you can think of to keep him away from her.

 

[Shari]

I doubt he'd terminate, but I'm trying to plant that seed. We'll see.

I am waiting on the lawyer to call back. I am asking him to bump the priority on this. This is no longer just for the purpose of getting wee difficult child on medicaid...

I also called husband's cousin this morning. While he doesn't want to, he is willing to make a statement to whoever needs to hear it that, while she was trying to play mama with wee difficult child and grandbaby, she was also sleeping with him and telling him she was booting DEX's butt out the door. I've known this guy for 15 years, and I beleive that he will make that statement if he needs to.

Thankfully, I didn't let them take wee difficult child. Our plans had changed, but I didn't attempt to let DEX know that. Wee difficult child was safe at home with us on Sunday, tho I was feeling a bit guilty for "hiding" him.

If nothing else, exMIL says there's no way DEX could pay current support, let alone back support and medication bills. I know people in child support enforecement, they say I could probably get him jailed on it, if it came down to that.

And I don't want to do this. This isn't DEX's doing...not really. He's a full blown difficult child himself, and while that's not an excuse, slapping him in jail won't help him, either.

The whack-job girlfriend, tho...that's another story. She's gaining "two sons and a grandson"? Doesn't she recall that one son and the grandson's family told her, in no uncertain terms, to get out of their lives and stay out??? Yet she thinks she's gaining a son?

 

[JJJ]

What does the court order say for Dad's visitation?

 

[Shari]

Currently, it is the original decree. He's entitled to the standard visitation - every other weekend, blah blah blah.

But even if he tries, I will do all I can to prevent it, even if that means skirting the law myself, as wee difficult child IS diagnosis'ed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) (a diagnosis they gave as a result of DEX's actions) and all of difficult child's "people" say its in wee difficult child's best interest to NOT rekindle this relationship, and DEX has NEVER, in the almost 7 years we've been divorced (yes, 7) executed his right to visit with his son.

And DEX's family will back me. I truly beleive that, if it comes down to it, they will step up to the plate for their grandson. They won't like it, but they'd do it.

 

[Shari]

I originally started the custody change proceedings so that I could get wee difficult child involved in a program called targeted case management. Its funded by medicaid, tho, and in order to qualify, I'd either have to agree to go after DEX for back support, or have a court order saying its in the kids' best interest to NOT have involvement from DEX. I started this back in May, and we're working on the wording of visitation to be something along the lines of "in the kid's best interest to be only what is agreed upon between the consistent and involved parties" or something...hoping to make it not so offensive that he won't try to fight it (he didn't even go to court when we got divorced), but enough that with counselor's and doctor's statements, child support enforcement people will leave it alone.

 

[mstang67chic]

I know restraining orders on wack job have been suggested but I'm guessing there's nothing really there to base it on at the moment. But.....do you know anyone who could do a THOROUGH background check on the woman? This kind of "crazy" just doesn't happen overnight and I'm sure she's got a history.

Sending hugs. Maybe something can be settled with this court proceeding.

 

[JJJ]

Have you motioned the court for "no third party interference"? They can order her to back off and if she doesn't she can be held in contempt.

 

[witzend]

Honestly, I'd file a "status quo" visitation order with the court. If he hasn't been around for 6 years, he can't just step right back in. I wouldn't let him see wee difficult child one little minute without a full family study being done by a psychologist. On his dime. Who knows what he's been up to for 6 years?!?!? I wouldn't imagine that wee difficult child even knows who he is.

I'm sure you're aware, but thought I would point out that you can't tie parental rights to child support because they are separate. The child has a right to be supported. The parent has an obligation to support the child. Lots of parents would walk out and abandon their children if they could say "Well, I'm never coming back, so I don't have to support him." Lots of custodial parents would happily say "Stay out of our lives and I won't take a dime!" Like you said, unless he petitions the court to give up his rights and you agree, 'tain't gonna happen.

 

[Shari]

"Status quo"... Perfect wording, Witz.

I realize child support is not tied to visitation, but as exMIL keeps pointing out, DEX doesn't have to realize that and she encourages me to hold it over his head if he starts asking for visits...she thinks it will keep him from pushing the issue because he could barely afford a single monthly payment, let alone what they'd take in back support.

Conversly, if he is accepted for the tcm program and the state goes after him for back support, she and I are both fairly certain he will ask for "his rights" because if he has to pay for it, he'll want something out of it, even if he doesn't care one iota about having the kid. While she and you and I know this isn't how it works, its how his mind works...and I pushed back the tcm application this summer until I can get the custody changed so that they won't go after him for back support so that he won't be inclined to "exercise his rights".

I just hope this all happens quickly.