intervention services for me or my son!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sastclair, Oct 27, 2011.

  1. sastclair

    sastclair New Member

    I took my son t o a social worker to work on his difficult behavior and she instead wants to meet with me to discuss parenting strategies. This is the second time this has happened. Why do people always assume it's your parenting? I am perfectly willing to work with her on parenting strategies, but I also need my son to receive intervention services. He has a real problem and it is not all about parenting! Has anyone else had this problem
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Super irritating. Is this the only place you have gone for services? what about getting an evaluation for your son through a neuropsychologist to see what is going on.? You can also see a developmental pediatrician to have someone who can refer him for the different therapies he may need. What age is he. What kinds of behaviors? does he have play mates? How does he do with them? how is his overall development? If you share more we can help suggest a bunch of things and you can see what fits your situation.

    I am willing to bet you my whole bank account (so you will get 1 dollar if you win! lol) that there are a TON of people who can relate to this. I had a principal...after years of services for my son and every therapy I could find....say..Have you thought of going to counseling. Seriously? You think that is gonna fix his brain injury? She made me crazy.

    Is he in the public schools? Are you in the USA? has he been evaluated through the public school Special Education. system?

    Ok, I'll let you answer and others can chime in! smile! It is really frustrating. Bottom line, you know what you need. We can all use parenting tips but that is not gonna help the underlying problem with most of our difficult child's
  3. keista

    keista New Member

    Hello and welcome.

    I haven't had the exact situation, but come close. Had a psychiatrist say that DD1 was 'playing' me. Just this week the therapist said "Well make her do the stress management exercises." Uhm, how exactly do I do that? "Tell her she has to do them before she gets any privileges - TV, computer, friends." Uh, and then what do I do after she's done nothing but sit in a chair for a month? Besides, i thought we were supposed to be working on reducing stress and conflict.

    Anyway, if it was your first visit with the social worker, it makes sense, and it is a logical first step. Many "explosive kid issues" can be tempered by changing parenting. This in no way means that you are doing anything wrong. If you had a "normal" kid, you'd probably be golden, but since your child has "issues", some changes are in order. Unfortunately, it's hard to know what changes are in order unless you know what is going on with your child.

    Welcome again. :notalone:
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hi, sastclair...

    Can you tell us more about your son? how old he is, what evaluations have been done, what you are seeing for issues and behaviors, how he is in school, and at home, and elsewhere.
    And about the "home" situation... are you his biomom, for example? or is he adopted, or a step child, or a grandchild, or.... who all lives there? do you work? what does his day look like?

    Not that we're being nosy... and you don't have to tell us anything. But we're all just parents with challenging kids too... and by telling us more, it "rings a bell" for the parents who are or have been in similar situations. That's where any of our advice comes from... just other parents who have some experience to draw on.

    When you get time, you might want to do a signature, too - it helps us keep each others situations straight!
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think that if you take him to a regular psychiatrist or a neuropsychologist you will get more positive feedback and not the parenting schtick. The fact is, a social worker isn't really trained to diagnose or treat the way a psychiatrist or neuropsychologist is.

    Most of our kids do not respond to typical parenting tricks anyhow. Can you tell us more about the background of your son, from infancy to now?
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I agree with the others. on the other hand, parenting difficult kids (referred to as difficult child's) very often does require a different approach to parenting. Many of us have done a great job parenting our children prior to the arrival of a difficult child and then whammo the standard methods don't work. Fingers crossed that you get a professional evaluation. Hugs. DDD
  7. BellJar

    BellJar New Member

    *hugs* I think we've all probably been there. I've been dealing with my eight year old's violent behavior for four years and tried every trick in the book as well as counseling. But when I reach out for help generally I get feedback along the lines of how I need to discipline better, be more consistent, etc etc. *sigh* I don't know what people think I'm doing at home...I'd love for them to spend a week with him and tell me how well time outs, etc work after that. Just saw the new counselor my son's school swears by and the man's brillliantly helpful suggestion is to stop my son's hitting by rewarding him for good behavior. *cue my dumbfounded look* Wow, never thought of that! :p

    You're not alone. The most important thing is for you to get the support and help you need. You are your son's biggest advocate - no one will fight for him like you will. Let us know more about what's going on and I know these extremely knowledgable parents here will help steer you in the right direction.
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Yes indeed been there done that! I also had professionals tell me that my difficult child daughter's behaviors were typical of a sexually abused child and I was frantic wondering who her abuser could be since I only left her with my parents and my sister. The simple fact is they were mis informed or unqualified and it was a time when MH issues in children were believed to be non existant unless provoked by and adult. Times have changed and if this SW is still back inthe dark ages in her thinking it is time to get another therapist! -RM
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    For REAL!!!! I can't count the number of times I have said, written, cried.... I would be the FIRST one to tell you to suspend him, I would ground him more, threaten not to go places, take favorite toys away more.... etc. if it had ever shown a pattern of HELPING!!!! But even if one of these things has short term benefits, it ALWAYS increases overall anxiety and in terms of the big picture all things become more difficult. I WISH it was so easy. Of course we have tried and continue to try some of the typical parenting things. I get it there are parents out there who dont have a clue and maybe do mess kids up with poor parenting. I doubt those are the folks taht are on boards like this desperate for understanding and new ideas to try. (not that I think any of us thinks we are perfect or not in any need of new skills, just that the idea that typical discipline can really make much of a dent... or as I was told... to use more "meaningful" consequences....HUH???? Have you read even ONE report/article etc. I have given you about brain injury? I KNOW you all have gone to autism workshops, WTH????) Wow, am I in a PMS mood.... sorry, not the usual tone of my posts! It is really a hot button thing for me. Just sharing that I do understand, and in my humble opinion you have a right to feel frustrated by that kind of lazy answer.
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    JMO, but... social workers do not make good therapists.
    Are they good for anything? sure... if you get a good one, they can help you navigate the system, and provide a gateway to resources. But not - generally - good at dealing with these kinds of issues.
  11. zoo_keeper

    zoo_keeper Member

    Welcome this site is amazing.
    yep. totally been there. this social worker might not be much help to you but i would consider continuing to work with her (she may be the key to Helpful services once you go through her parenting excersizes) while persuing a Qualified child behaviorist. Right now I'm dealing with a social worker at the hospital my son is at that is convinced behavior charts and expectation contracts make the world go round... it never ends.
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    oh lordy, thanks for making me feel very grateful tonight! I am so sorry you are experiencing that zoo keeper.

    Sastclair, how are things going tonight? Just checking in. luv, Buddy