Introducing Myself

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Mandy, Nov 3, 2008.

  1. Mandy

    Mandy Parent In Training

    I just found this group after finally receiving a tentitive diagnosis of ODD for my 4yr old son. Here is our background story which started abt. 2 1/2 yrs ago...

    When Cole turned 18mo old we thought he had entered the "terrible twos" just a little early. I attributed his behavior to "just being a toddler" and was hurt that he kept getting "kicked out" of daycare after daycare. He first started with biting, hitting kicking and tantrums. Then at around 2 1/2 he added swearing to the list, which he used frequently to "shock" his teachers. I am not sure when his actual "rages" as I call them started but it was also somewhere in here, where he would go into a rage and try to destroy anyone or anything in his way. Now he did have days, weeks, or months sometimes without displaying this really shocking behavior, but it would always resurface. I finally found a babysitter willing to watch him and he did fairly well at first, which seems to be his pattern. He has now been there a year and this week has started daily the hitting, kicking, pinching, pulling hair and just out of control behavior. It has never went away, but I thought maybe we were seeing some progress since he had stopped swearing and was somewhat controllable by me. It took me five times last friday to get him in the car, and then I constantly worried all the way home as he was taking his seatbelt off, and pulling my hair from the backseat. I worry abt. him hurting himself, his brother, or his baby sister. I wonder what I will do if his babysitter just gives up, because financially I can't stay home. I found this website and was so glad to finally see there are parents out there that just might understand where I am coming from!!!! Last year his pedi told me to wait, and that he might just grow out of it. Well that hasn't happened so now I finally have his appointment. and see some light that we are getting some help!
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Welcome!! You will find many parents here who have similar experiences and can offer much much support and insight. My son has different kinds of issues so I won't try to offer advice. You might also try posting on the forum for younger children, but I think maybe things are a little slower than usual tonight due to election day being tomorrow.
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    A lot of how you describe your difficult child reminds me of mine when he was younger (only my son never had behaviors disappear for periods of time and, only through luck, was never kicked out of daycare).

    You mentioned you have an appointment with a doctor. Is it a child psychiatrist or a nuero-psychologist? If not I strongly recommend both. They should be able to shed some light on what is going on.

    Glad you found us-hugs.
  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Welcome! Sorry you had to find us but you'll find a lot of understanding and support here. I don't have any words of advice as we adopted our son when he was older but there are plenty of wise people around here.
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Just wanted to add my welcome!
  6. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    I didn't encounter my difficult children until they were older but wanted to send my welcome out.

  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. ODD rarely stands alone. How was his early development--walking, speech, motor skills, social skills, eye contact? Any psychiatric disorders or substance abuse on either side of the family tree? Has he ever been evaluated? I would take him for a total evaluation--I prefer Neuropsychs. He isn't acting like a typical four year old.
    You may want to do a signature like I have below. That will help us :)
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Welcome to the board. :)

    I ditto Wiped Out. A pediatric psychiatrist or nueropsychologist are the best for doing the evaluations. (we've learned the hard way)

    You might want to get the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It's helped many many parents here.

    I'm glad you found us.

  9. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    The preschool my son went to really did not even know what to think of him. He could be so hard to handle, but had to hug all the staff before he left every day. He did not have to be in daycare, or that would have been a disaster. Good luck to you, and this is a good place to be.
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Welcome, others have given very good advice!

    We do have an Early Childhood forum on this board also. Some parents over there might have more specific advice than I do.

    I do recommend The Explosive Child and Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood. both are excellent resources. the Easy Child forum has a thread on useing the Explosive Child for very young children, it is one of the sticky's at the top of the list of threads.
  11. Mandy

    Mandy Parent In Training

    Thank you so much for the welcome:D He is going next month to get his evaluation at a behavioral health center. He is seeing a child psychiatrist I do know. I am new to all of these because we have just been "self-managing" him up until now. It has been really rough at times to deal with him, and at first I thought maybe I was just a bad parent. I read all the "strong willed" parenting books and tried to do everything I could to make his situation better. He was an excellent baby but always had a high tolerance to pain, which I thought was odd. He hit all his developmental milestones right on time, but was very dependant on his pacifier. When we weaned him off of it at two he started speaking very well. His pedi asked him all her questions last week on shapes, colors, etc. and he knew them all. He does struggle with writing and coloring. He will color pages on the computer though?? I did create a signature, so i am not sure why you can't see it?? I have been recently diagnosis only by my PCP though as Bipolar Type II and beleive my father also has an undiagnosed disorder. Cole's brother (his father's child) has cerebal palsy and a behavior disorder, but not sure if it is because of CP or not?? Hopefully I answered all the questions you had asked and thank you again for the welcome!!!! I was just so grateful to find a site with more tired, struggling parents like myself!!!
  12. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    When Major began to act up, it started with a bad day or 2 every couple of weeks, unfortunately, in my case the bad days slowly increased until they were all bad days with occassional good days. I'd say the process took at least a year. On the plus side, I didn't have to deal with violence toward others, that has to be rough. I didn't keep very good records back then, but I do remember thinking that the issues seemed to change from time to time but the difficulty was the same.

    I hope you are experiencing something different that your difficult child can grow out of, but if not, this is a great place to learn, laugh and get the tools needed to survive raising a difficult child.
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Fighting, Welcome.
    I suspect it's just hard to see your profile because it's pale pink. :)

    My son pulled my hair from the back seat too. Terrifying when you're in the middle of an intersection!

    I'm glad you've got an evaluation and psychiatric appointment scheduled. with-your family history, it does sound like there is something genetic there. The psychiatric will reiterate that (it's the first thing they always ask, sigh).

    Since this seems to be an occasional thing, iow, not every day, but a sort of pattern, perhaps when you see it bldg up you can pare down your difficult child's activities and keep things quiet for him. I would remove (permanently) all breakable objects from his rm. I have to say, we've gone through a dozen alarm clarks for our difficult child, some of them really cute animals that make noises, etc. I miss them more than he does, but he destroyed them all.

    Here's a cup of tea -- I'm assuming your mornings are a bit chillier than ours lately.
  14. ML

    ML Guest

    Welcome. My son (manster) went from the terrible twos to the teen age years. No inbetween. He just turned 10 lol.

    We all understand. I'm glad you found this amazing oasis in the desert of gfglife :)

  15. Mandy

    Mandy Parent In Training

    I will make sure I change my siggy so it's easier to read;) I might not have explained it very well, because it is hard to try to make a synopsis in a couple paragraphs. His problems have never went away, but some weeks he is more managable and we have "good" weeks. Some weeks like last week he is totally out of control and it takes all we have to get through. Last Friday he was in a rage literally all day where his baby sitter could not get control of him. Then over the weekend it was a constant battle where EVERYTHING we asked of him, his first response was "NO". I literally thought of running away from him!! Of course I could never do that, but I was soooo tired by the end of the weekend. Then yesterday he woke up with a great attitude and did everything I asked him to do to get ready. He seemed like a totally different child!!! He had a small breakdown in the afternoon then went to sleep. I guess the best way to honestly desribe it is dr jekyll and mr hyde. You just never know what you are going to get!!
  16. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome! The up and down times certainly scream mood instability to me. It does show up different in children.

    I wonder if you have ever tried any food limitations? Like cutting out dyes or milk or anything else?
  17. Mandy

    Mandy Parent In Training

    busywend~ Thank you for the welcome!!:D We have just went to a sugar-free gluten free diet to see if that makes any difference! I am willing to try ANYTHING at this point to help him!!!
  18. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I tried to do the diet thing too, but we were told that Duct tape and thumb screws are illegal.

    (just kidding - wanted to give you a "welcome" and a smile!)

  19. Mandy

    Mandy Parent In Training

    nvts~ Thanks for that laugh:D Sometimes we just need one!!!
  20. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It is always good to try these things. Otherwise you will always wonder 'what if'. None of the food restrictions ever made a difference for my difficult child, but I have never regretted trying it.