Introduction

[fallon]

Hi everyone,

I just joined this site today. I was pondering over my situation with the lack of consistant discipline in my house and I happened upon this site. My children are between the ages of 12 and 26 and I need some help in specifically what happens when they do what they feel like instead of what I want. Some suggestions would be greatly appreciated along with some encouragement. My husband works really hard and as a result is seldom home and even when he is he sees the cherubs. I dont want to resort to "Im going to tell your father" that just sounds so lame its like Im admitting I have no authority. Anyway like I said any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.


Fallon from NY

 

[Marguerite]

Welcome. Read around the site, especially the archives. Read anything that grabs your attention.

We have books that are highly recommended on discipline. A starting point is "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. I found we needed to change the way we used discipline, and find a different way. It works so much better for us. Not a cure, but a better method. It also works on easy child kids too. I also found it a lot easier.

Marg

 

[Fran]

Mean what you say and say what you mean.
Every action should have a positive or negative consequence. Set up the basic rules.
Cherub 1, unload dishwasher every day- positive consequence, use of car. Negative consequence No use of the car.

Obviously you have to custom make your rules of the house. Never threaten a consequence without following through. Never, ever do the job they didn't do.
It is your home and they are to respect the parents who pay the mortgage and give them food by contributing to the family unit. Everyone should do jobs around the house.

It helps my difficult child and easy child if they know what is expected of them the day before so they can sort out their own schedule. Posting a list gives my difficult child visual cues and reminders.

Both boys know if mom says a consequence(good or bad) I will follow through. It was hard the first few times but it gives them pride and dignity to know they can contribute to the family. (they just don't know it yet).
I try hard to not make everything chore about a negative consequence. I also ask them how we can solve a problem(like trash overflowing) and get their input. Sometimes they just need some guidance.
Walk softly, carry a biiiiiiiiigggggggggg stick.
My boys wish I would tell dad. : )

PS: I love my boys tremendously and give them more positive then negative feedback but they have to hear the negative in order to correct their behavior.

 

[hearts and roses]

Welcome, fallon! You will find a lot of helpful resources here, in both the recommended reading as well as feedback. I agree with Fran and Marg. Finding a way to discipline that suits your family and home is very important. I have learned that disciplining is not a 'one size fits all' type of thing, but consistency is key and following through, for me, was difficult at times. It was even more difficult for my H, who is stepdad to my two girls - he allowed me to be the lead most of the time. One other thing - don't allow yourself or H to argue about methodology in front or around the kids. Once they smell indecisiveness between you, they will use it to their advantage...so make a rule with H that if one of you disagrees with something, you will stand united about it until you can discuss it in private. THAT was an issue with my H more than anything. Best of luck. It would help us greatly if you would create a signature for the bottom of your posts so we get to understand your family members and dynamic better!