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Introductory plus VENT- long post with- history
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<blockquote data-quote="bramblewoodbabydoll" data-source="post: 306183" data-attributes="member: 7938"><p>Thanks a lot for your warm welcome.</p><p>Im happy to find this place </p><p>My mother deeply mistrusted psychiatric docs and never let me see one as an adolesent. At 13/14yo I was hitting walls, cutting on regular basis, burning myself, a loner at school until I realized sometimes I got very talkative and mouthed off at the teachers/mean girls and this impressed the wrong crowd. I got into a lot of physical fights. People liked me because I was fun and crazy even without drugs but then I would have a downswing and isolate myself. The first thing I ever did was huff gas when I was 13 and I would do it till I passed out. I scared my mom and by the time I was 15 she was buying me cigarettes and giving me weed to calm down. I spent every day walking all over town just to be away from home. I felt unloved, unwanted and a burden. My dad was emotionally distant but violent towards my mom and brother since I was 7yo. It was sporadic violence but when it was bad we'd all have to leave and go to her friends house. My mother told me life just stinks, get used to it. My dad told me she made him this way and it was all her fault...... I dropped out of school, ran away twice but went to college, I started having kids at 19... I've quit drugs several times for long periods of time only to give in again to thrill seek or self medicate. I've been to lots of psychiatric docs as an adult to get help and SSRIs and NNRIs as well as anitpsyhotics cause me to be hyopomanic at the least and angry with agression at worst. So bipolar with borderline seemed to be the ones they all latched onto or simply drug abuse. But I used all sorts of drugs, if I had to say I had an addiction it would be to cocaine, sex, money spending when I have it, something along those lines. I have always been a good lier too. I could cover up the most obvious deviant situations easily (or so I thought). I was not an everyday user as an adult. Just occaisonal and it took me forever to <em>see the triggers</em> that brought it on. I just dont want that for her at all. Teh only mood stablizer I was ever given was lithium and I hated it. I write poetry for fun, my only fun. I couldnt write on lithium so I flushed it down the toilet.... I just hate to see her go my way. Its been so hard and disruptive to everyone around me when Ive always wanted to be loving and good to my kids since I never had that...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="bramblewoodbabydoll, post: 306183, member: 7938"] Thanks a lot for your warm welcome. Im happy to find this place My mother deeply mistrusted psychiatric docs and never let me see one as an adolesent. At 13/14yo I was hitting walls, cutting on regular basis, burning myself, a loner at school until I realized sometimes I got very talkative and mouthed off at the teachers/mean girls and this impressed the wrong crowd. I got into a lot of physical fights. People liked me because I was fun and crazy even without drugs but then I would have a downswing and isolate myself. The first thing I ever did was huff gas when I was 13 and I would do it till I passed out. I scared my mom and by the time I was 15 she was buying me cigarettes and giving me weed to calm down. I spent every day walking all over town just to be away from home. I felt unloved, unwanted and a burden. My dad was emotionally distant but violent towards my mom and brother since I was 7yo. It was sporadic violence but when it was bad we'd all have to leave and go to her friends house. My mother told me life just stinks, get used to it. My dad told me she made him this way and it was all her fault...... I dropped out of school, ran away twice but went to college, I started having kids at 19... I've quit drugs several times for long periods of time only to give in again to thrill seek or self medicate. I've been to lots of psychiatric docs as an adult to get help and SSRIs and NNRIs as well as anitpsyhotics cause me to be hyopomanic at the least and angry with agression at worst. So bipolar with borderline seemed to be the ones they all latched onto or simply drug abuse. But I used all sorts of drugs, if I had to say I had an addiction it would be to cocaine, sex, money spending when I have it, something along those lines. I have always been a good lier too. I could cover up the most obvious deviant situations easily (or so I thought). I was not an everyday user as an adult. Just occaisonal and it took me forever to [I]see the triggers[/I] that brought it on. I just dont want that for her at all. Teh only mood stablizer I was ever given was lithium and I hated it. I write poetry for fun, my only fun. I couldnt write on lithium so I flushed it down the toilet.... I just hate to see her go my way. Its been so hard and disruptive to everyone around me when Ive always wanted to be loving and good to my kids since I never had that... [/QUOTE]
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