Invite to my pity party

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by branbran, Jun 6, 2007.

  1. branbran

    branbran New Member

    I guess I just need to vent a little. Today was a bad day for me. It's funny this morning I woke up and had a bad feeling, like something wasn't right with my difficult child. I was feeling pretty down, just missing her. Then low and behold I get the phone call, she called from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), cursing, ranting and raving. "I f#$%^&g hate you, you abandoned me, you don't love me, I want nothing to do with you..... " and so on... She is mad because she doesn't want to be taken off the Concerta and she feels like I betrayed her by going along with that plan. She just doesn't see that that medication has an adverse effect on her, she is absolutely miserable on it. So after that phone call I was having my own little pitty party, until I had to put the fake smiles on and pretend I love life as I had to go to my nephew's music show at his school. His school is my difficult child's old elementary school, so I sat in the auditorium fighting back the tears, remembering when my difficult child was on that same stage playing her violin. I'm watching these kids, wondering how many of them will be going to the prom, college, getting their first cars, just doing "normal" things kid's do. I'm sitting in my seat seething with anger that my daughter won't be doing any of that "normal" stuff in her Residential Treatment Center (RTC). My heart aches for her, I want so badly to love her pain away. Life stinks!!!!!!!!!!!
    I will be back in that same auditorium on Friday watching my easy child son graduate Kindergarten. I'm so excited for him, he is such a wonderful little boy. It will be bitter sweet for me, as I will be feeling sad for my daughter, all over again.

    Anyway, just wanted to spread some of my joy. lol Sorry about all the negativity, can't see any sunshine today. :frown:
  2. Got2Sleep

    Got2Sleep New Member


    BIG HIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!
  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I am so sorry for your pain...maybe one day she will realize why you are making these decisions... and let go of her anger. Hopeful someone in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) can help her deal with her feelings.

  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Yes, it truely does stink.

    Maybe once she's off the medication she will be able to see what it was doing.

    Keeping fingers crossed that while she's there they will be able to find the right medications for her.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Gentle hugs to you. Hopefully she will one day know you are doing what is best for her. I know it isn't easy. Prayers being sent your way. :angel:
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good thing she is there to be weaned off Concerta. Sounds like she is addicted - or it helps keep her weight down. But, there are other stimulants and non stimulants that can provide similar benefits without making her angry.
    Have they considered Welbutrin? It is now being used for ADHD even though it is considered an AD.

    I am sorry for your pain. It is so hard to give up the dream, huh?
  7. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    So sorry you had one of those days. It's miserable to have that impending sense of uh-oh, knowing something's up with- difficult child, only to have it confirmed by one of these lovely phone calls. Having stewed most of the night over my own kid hanging up on me yesterday, I'm a bit grumpy this morning :wink: - why do they think it's okay to spew this junk at us? I don't know... but you have my heartfelt empathy.

    I know what you mean about missing out on all the "normal" stuff. thank you should be driving, dating, working... instead he's in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and still blaming everyone around him for everything. Most of the time I try not to think about what he's missing but it sure can sneak up and smack us upside the head sometimes.

    Wish I had a cure for your heartache but... best I can offer is company.

    Congrats to your graduate! :bravo:
  8. nlg319

    nlg319 New Member

    I feel your pain. I was hoping to see my daughter doing typical teenage activities this summer, but instead she is in a different town in foster care, and of course blaming me!
  9. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I understand how you feel!!! It is so difficult when our difficult children don't accomplish all the things we dream they'll accomplish...

    I used to dream about difficult child 1 graduating high school, going to college, having a successful career, and a loving family. Even though these were only my dreams for him, I truly want difficult child 1 to be happy!!! Now, if he just graduates high school on time, manages to hold down a job, keep an apartment, and stay out of trouble, I'll be happy!!!

    I'm sorry I don't have anything to offer - Sending lots of cyber hugs, WFEN
  10. Alisonlg

    Alisonlg New Member

    They always say hindsight is always 20/20, right? I'm sure looking back, your difficult child will see the love and care in all of the decisions you have made for her and in her best interest.

    I sat here choking back tears with you. :frown: I'm so sorry, hun.

    Today is a new day and hopefully the sun is shining where you are. :::hugs:::
  11. Ally

    Ally New Member

    Im sorry your daughter was like that to you on the phone, I too have had my share of that in the last 1.5 yrs. I understand how you feel completely. I feel the same way when I look around at other kids her age and wonder why she cant be like that and we cant have a good relationship/friendship. Its also the same with my ds. He has Down Syndrome. Its hard somedays to look at kids the same age see where they are at and see where he is. I have to remember that he is his own person and is doing awesome for who he is.

  12. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I am sure it all hurts. I can imagine how much pain this brings as ant did a lot of that to me. even now, I drive past the high school daily and it causes acid in my stomach.

    I never pass up a party...pity on--errr ahhh party on!
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So sorry. Even though you know you're doing the right thing, there is still a huge sense of loss that you have to deal with. That's normal. Hang tight.
  14. jenbug

    jenbug New Member

    You are not alone....
    Just seeing kids carrying their backpacks into school makes me tear up. My son goes in carrying nothing, his pants hanging off his :censored2:, hair in his eyes.... going to school to skip out or disrupt the class. Seeing all of he hope and promise in other kids makes my heart ache. My son is throwing his life away.

    My son used to be in plays, and sing etc.Now his interest is pot and lying and sneaking out.
    It's sad.
  15. missdot

    missdot New Member

    Big Hugs!!!! I am so sorry you are hurting!
  16. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Big hug. It won't take the pain away, but it will let you know that I care that you are hurting.
  17. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    I need a party, are you still serving drinks? Yes I know it's only 7:30 am, can we say Mamosa>>>?
  18. KFld

    KFld New Member

    You are in the process of grieving the loss of where and what you thought your daughter was going to be doing at this point in her life. It's a normal process that we all go through. I know it doesn't seem possible, but these are things you will get over someday and realize in the big scheme of things, they aren't the most important. My 20 year old difficult child never went to prom, graduated but didn't participate in the ceremony and missed many other things that I wanted him to participate in. At the time those things he missed devastated me, but now that he is an 8 months clean recovering heroin addict, which at this time last year I didn't think would be possible, those things he missed in his life seem pretty trivial. These things he missed were much more important to me then they were to him. He doesn't think back and regret that he missed prom, etc., he thinks back and realizes how lucky he is to be clean and alive right now.

    Let yourself grieve. If you don't you won't ever work through it. My easy child daughter will graduate high school next year so I am lucky enough to have her, because I can watch her do all the things her brother didn't do,and at the same time I am very very proud of the progress my son has made.