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Is Anyone Else Here Coping With Aging difficult child Parents?
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 60146" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>Oh yeah, my mom was and definitely still is a difficult child. Her tantrums, negative self esteem, controlling behavior, outrageous spoiled behavior, ugh. </p><p></p><p>I love her with all my heart - I made peace with her at about 30 years of age after being somewhat estranged from her and my dad. But at 84, she is still very much a difficult child, though she has mellowed out of sheer inability to control everyone. She's grossly overweight and can't get around anymore. She refuses to live with anyone but me, but I can't do it - first of all, I work full time and can't quit my job, our house is small, and I still have difficult child. And lastly, I am looking forward to being FREE in a couple of years. on the other hand, I would love to be able to have her stay with us for months at a time but I would have to hire someone to come in and help bathe her, etc. I simply could not do it alone. She's diabetic and refuses to eat right. She's always prowling for food. We have to hide the bread and ice pops and ice cream downstairs. I have to literally bleach the bathroom from top to bottom daily because she leaves behind a huge disgusting mess. And she occasionally wets her bed, so I'm constantly doing laundry too. And each day when I get home from work, instead of hello, she says, "So, what are you making us for dinner?" and then she literally moans like she's having an orgasm while she eats - it's so disgusting to hear. And each morning, she goes into the kitchen and eats like 8 peices of toast and drags her full coffee cup along the counter to the table so I have a huge mess of crumbs and coffee spills to clean up because she can hardly walk and support her weight and her joints are destroyed. Ugh - Its just a lot of work. </p><p></p><p>She's capable and incapable in so many ways. She's demanding and spoiled. She praises me and my efforts, but it has almost no effect and doesn't make me feel good because I have to put in so much effort. And then when she's feeling badly about something she said or feeling like a burden (which we go way out of our way never to make her feel like a burden) she will have crying jags - almost like my very own difficult child when she's feeling remorseful. </p><p></p><p>When we were growing up, mom would have these horrible temper tantrums that would last all day into the night which would end with her screaming that she felt like she was going crazy and looking like she was pulling out her hair, running around the house. It WAS like she was going crazy. I was a late life baby - she was 40 when she had me and my 4 siblings range from 17-4 years older than me. I believe she went right into menopause just after I came along and I heard horror stories of those years - Eiyee! Apparently, our family DR recommended a stint with a psychiatrist and medications and my mother flipped out and changed doctors and no one ever said anything to her about it again. She was/is so afraid of counselors, psychiatrists - very mistrustful. When she found out that all her kids were in some type of counseling, she immediately gave us all the cold shoulder because she felt blamed for all our troubles, which she flatly denied anyway. She claimed we were on witch hunts - why not just be happy and accept life as it was?? Haha-It was kind of funny, but my family has a warped sense of humor.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, yeah, we too are coping with an aging parent difficult child also.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 60146, member: 2211"] Oh yeah, my mom was and definitely still is a difficult child. Her tantrums, negative self esteem, controlling behavior, outrageous spoiled behavior, ugh. I love her with all my heart - I made peace with her at about 30 years of age after being somewhat estranged from her and my dad. But at 84, she is still very much a difficult child, though she has mellowed out of sheer inability to control everyone. She's grossly overweight and can't get around anymore. She refuses to live with anyone but me, but I can't do it - first of all, I work full time and can't quit my job, our house is small, and I still have difficult child. And lastly, I am looking forward to being FREE in a couple of years. on the other hand, I would love to be able to have her stay with us for months at a time but I would have to hire someone to come in and help bathe her, etc. I simply could not do it alone. She's diabetic and refuses to eat right. She's always prowling for food. We have to hide the bread and ice pops and ice cream downstairs. I have to literally bleach the bathroom from top to bottom daily because she leaves behind a huge disgusting mess. And she occasionally wets her bed, so I'm constantly doing laundry too. And each day when I get home from work, instead of hello, she says, "So, what are you making us for dinner?" and then she literally moans like she's having an orgasm while she eats - it's so disgusting to hear. And each morning, she goes into the kitchen and eats like 8 peices of toast and drags her full coffee cup along the counter to the table so I have a huge mess of crumbs and coffee spills to clean up because she can hardly walk and support her weight and her joints are destroyed. Ugh - Its just a lot of work. She's capable and incapable in so many ways. She's demanding and spoiled. She praises me and my efforts, but it has almost no effect and doesn't make me feel good because I have to put in so much effort. And then when she's feeling badly about something she said or feeling like a burden (which we go way out of our way never to make her feel like a burden) she will have crying jags - almost like my very own difficult child when she's feeling remorseful. When we were growing up, mom would have these horrible temper tantrums that would last all day into the night which would end with her screaming that she felt like she was going crazy and looking like she was pulling out her hair, running around the house. It WAS like she was going crazy. I was a late life baby - she was 40 when she had me and my 4 siblings range from 17-4 years older than me. I believe she went right into menopause just after I came along and I heard horror stories of those years - Eiyee! Apparently, our family DR recommended a stint with a psychiatrist and medications and my mother flipped out and changed doctors and no one ever said anything to her about it again. She was/is so afraid of counselors, psychiatrists - very mistrustful. When she found out that all her kids were in some type of counseling, she immediately gave us all the cold shoulder because she felt blamed for all our troubles, which she flatly denied anyway. She claimed we were on witch hunts - why not just be happy and accept life as it was?? Haha-It was kind of funny, but my family has a warped sense of humor. Anyway, yeah, we too are coping with an aging parent difficult child also. [/QUOTE]
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