Is Autism Reversible? Einstein Scientists Propose New Theory of Autism

trinityroyal

Well-Known Member
Sorry this response is so long...I'm thinking all this through as I type, and it's very complex...

I have been looking for my "Anne Sullivan" to my very own Helen Keller for years. There should be a way to access their natural intelligence to make then learn how to survive. I think I have written this in another thread years ago about our kids having a blindness and deafness of the mind.

Fran, this really struck a chord with me. I too have been searching for the key to unlock difficult child's ability to learn and motivate himself to survive in the world. And in doing so, I've been thinking long and hard about my own early life, what I learned, how I learned, and how I developed into a productive person.

Strange to say, I think one of the keys for me was very neglectful parents.

My mother is schizophrenic and my father has anti-social personality disorder. My older brother was the child they wanted and always dreamed of, and I was an accident that snuck in the door literally 12 months later.

As a result, beyond basic care and feeding during babyhood, from the time I was able to talk I was pretty much left to my own devices by them to raise myself.

I had a very loving extended family to whom I could turn whenever I needed help or guidance, but for the most part they lived out of the country, so I was always my own "person of first resort". So I learned. By trial and error. I learned how to interact with people. How to ask for things, how to let people give me things. How to go to the store and buy things. How to open a bank account, how to make telephone calls, how to enrol in lessons. My grandmother, who came to live with us when I was 3 months old and difficult child-mom went back to work, was a huge help in all this. She let me do for myself mostly, but was a loving presence, ready to show me, teach me or hold me whenever I needed it.

I had pretty-much unlimited access to money and "stuff", but any interaction with my parents was either for their own amusement, or when they needed my help with something. (Imagine, being put in the position at 10 years old of giving your mother relationship advice!)

That lack of help and guidance forced me to learn how to survive. Some of the strategies I learned were highly unorthodox. I STILL write myself a script whenever I have to talk to someone on the phone, otherwise I don't remember what I'm supposed to say. But through years of long practice, I learned.

Then I look at my difficult child. He's had the benefit of specialized programming, 1:1 aides in school, socialization classes, therapy, psychiatry, medication, blah blah blah. So many people have done so many things for him over the years, and I think he's learned that the world exists to look after him, take care of him, focus on him.

That's not to say that I think the specialized programming or socialization classes were inherently bad, just that they didn't necessarily take into account difficult child's learning style. He's not curious about anything, and has no desire to learn. Has having knowledge and information spoon fed to him all these years has made him intellectually lazy? Or is it that he just doesn't want to learn, and without the classes and interventions, he would be completely non-functional.

I just wonder...did having to learn everything myself embed in me the fierce desire to learn that I have to this day, or was it that desire to learn that allowed me to survive a childhood that otherwise might have killed me (spiritually, if not physically)

These are hard, hard questions.

For now, husband and I have put measures in place to ensure that difficult child is housed, clean and fed, has some intellectual stimulation, people with whom to interact, a social life of a sort...all in a highly structured, locked down environment. difficult child can never go anywhere or do anything by himself. Strangely, he seems to like it that way. When it's suggested to him that the life skills he's learning will enable him to live on his own one day, he freaks out and starts crying, panicking, etc.

Maybe for him, that is a fulfilled and happy life. I just don't know anymore.
 

Fran

Former desparate mom
Trinity I don't have a lot of time and I will return so we can continue this discussion.
Suffice it to say that I had a similar experience but for different reasons. My parents didn't speak the language and they were very shy and intimidated to be out there alone.

I think it forced me to learn at an early age what a process was and how to get to the problem solving steps.

The thought that runs through my head is that we provided many learning episodes, supports and understanding. It's like we are pouring things into an incubating flower. It will bloom later but it will be more complex and have a tapestry all it's own. I refuse to believe all the experiences we exposed our kids to was in vain. They are rolling around in there but since their "rolladex" is in total disarray they can not retrieve the information they need to process it.
 

Hound dog

Nana's are Beautiful
Trinity

I stopped "doing" for Travis at around age 17, about the same time I stopped for my girls. My family thought I was off my nut and so did the school and docs. But I didn't want Travis to be a 60 something version of his father, only more severe. husband goes to work because I force it, he pays the bills because I force it........I "parent" him more than I do Travis because he will not function if I don't. He can do it for short periods without me pushing him, but I need it to be consistant for our family to function.

Travis pays his own bills. He gets up for work on his own. He rarely misses a day, although he hates it. He pays rent to me, and helps pay for food. But like his Dad.......when he was having trouble at work, I had to keep telling him to go to the union. When it was his glasses and he'd complain it was taking so long...I had to tell him to push the store manager harder. I do make him make his own doctor appointments and the like although he really hates to do it. He positively loaths talking on the phone.

And the only way I can think to handle this stuff is by forcing him to do it himself. But I don't think it's going to "take" anymore than it did with his Dad.

Right now he's doing the college thing again. He's applied, sent his transcript, and is getting a copy of his IEP, and will be doing his FASFA. Why? Because Mom refused to do it for him. I didn't do it for my girls, and I won't for him. If he wants it bad enough, he'll ask the right questions and manage to do it himself. (this is like his 3rd year of trying) This year he's come further than ever. He just might make it there in the fall. How he will survive once he gets there........well, we'll crosse that bridge when he gets there. At least it is a college where disabled students are treated like royalty, so the environment will be conductive if he manages to get thru the whole process.

I feel like I'm being cruel doing it this way. But it is the only way he makes progress in something he wants to do. We set the bar as high as we would for his sisters and expect him to reach it. If he doesn't, at least he tried.

He may never make it to college. But he is learning alot of valuable lessons just trying to get in. Lessons that I hope will stick.

So what you said about having to do for yourself taught you valuable lessons you might not have learned otherwise made alot of sense to me. Travis had 2 yrs of focused socialization classes at the tech school he attended. No effect whatsoever. None. BUT he can walk into Krogers and make a good impression on fellow employees and customers and gain their loyalty because he was forced to learn on his own how to do it. (for him it's like putting on a hat and taking on a role)

So I'm left wondering just how much all the Occupational Therapist (OT) for social is actually helping kids on the spectrum. I wonder if it is something that can actually be learned in a classroom setting. Because I can recall when he first started working at Walmart and he'd come home and ask me why something he said or did made someone mad at him or react in such a way, and I'd have to sit him down and explain it. We did this over and over again for months. I never did it unless he asked. And he still does it occasionally.

But while Travis can do things like pay bills, go to work, ect........He still has the "out of sight, out of mind" thing really bad, his maturity level is still way behind, and he still stinks at reading social cues regardless of all the practice.

Sigh.

Fran, you're right. It's hard to get it right out there and talk about it. I didn't envision in my mind Travis still being this severe at this age, and it's like a lump stuck in my throat. While I do have to give him credit for trying, especially when so many seem to lack the desire, he's like a derailed train spinning his wheels off track. It makes my heart ache for him.
 

Fran

Former desparate mom
My fantasy is a place for our kids.
Look at the hearing impaired! They felt invisible. They created a society where they are on equal footing and function well. I love the premise of a Gaulledet College style for our kids.

Apartments, job training, classes, dating, and everything we all did but with the safety net of a community of peers and distant n/t folks for resource help. A campus with multi focal directions. Not everyone has to go to college but they should have a choice.
 

Sheila

Moderator
Unfortunately, my difficult child doesn't have a specific gift to build on.

Mine does, but will not. He has great artistic ability. I've tried to follow professional suggestions that say to "build upon.." He will not; refuses.

He has these wild thoughts that he's going to be a rock star even though he can't carry a tune or play an instrument with-any expertise.

How to overcome the absurd thinking? I've found it can't be done. Hopefully, in his own time; in his own way. But the older he gets, the more worried I become about his future. If he can't apply his knowledge realistically, it does no good to have a talent.
 

Fran

Former desparate mom
Very true Sheila. The spot of hope for your son is that you are in the worst of the teen years. Hopefully it will level off soon and then get better after 18. In this day and age they can go back to school later or find an alternate way to survive.
He has the safety of parents who are both firm and loving and have his best interest at heart.
 
My fantasy is a place for our kids.
Look at the hearing impaired! They felt invisible. They created a society where they are on equal footing and function well. I love the premise of a Gaulledet College style for our kids.

Apartments, job training, classes, dating, and everything we all did but with the safety net of a community of peers and distant n/t folks for resource help. A campus with multi focal directions. Not everyone has to go to college but they should have a choice.
__________________
fran, I LOVE this!!!! Yes, yes, yes!!!! I am trying to st up community of peers/mentors for Cara . The safety net is so important. That is like the Clubhouse concept. I agree about the choice.
 
It's like we are pouring things into an incubating flower. It will bloom later but it will be more complex and have a tapestry all it's own. I refuse to believe all the experiences we exposed our kids to was in vain. They are rolling around in there but since their "rolladex" is in total disarray they can not retrieve the information they need to process it. __________________

This is beautifully said. I keep doing this. It feels what I am to do. Process/jouney vs. outcomes. Comapssion
 

Fran

Former desparate mom
Thank you compassion. I think I put some words and imagery to what all of us with uniquely wired kids feel.
I put that whole school thing on the back burner for years but it's starting to raise an interest in me again. Not sure what I can do but I'd like to find if something like this can happen for our kids/young adults.
 
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