Is detaching ok right now? Or cruel?

[so ready to live]

It's just that I subconsciously (and consciously) associate the phone ring or text from him, to be anxiety provoking. Is the text an angry or discombobulated, drugged/drunk rant at me? Is the phone call going to be the same? Yes, anxiety provoking.

Rebelson-hang in there, so many of us are here with you. I won't say it gets easier, but you get more "used to it". The shutting off of the phone at night and alanon are such good starts. Nights can be especially hard, but eventually as you let him figure it out on his own, you will begin to detach. Detaching always seemed like a negative term to me, I'm realizing now that it was smothering him to not let him figure life out on his own terms. Your son is an adult. We have found most of all, that it's better not to ask questions that we don't already know the answers to, as that is an automatic opportunity for an addict to lie. The hearing of the lie is so painful, isn't it? Do you want to know things so that you can protect him? You can no longer do that-but it's possible that he can do it himself, with practice. Let him practice.
You are going to be alright. Hugs.