Is it 2007 again?

[JJJ]

Just had Kanga's first staffing since she moved to TLP 30 days ago. I had to look at the calendar to confirm it was 2012.

For those of you that weren't around in 2007, Kanga went into residential due to extreme anger issues with homicidal violence, sexually inappropriate behavior and a general screw-you attitude.

Here we are five years, and many fooled professionals later.....sex with four different men that we know of, and likely several we don't, about 20 medication refusals, fired from her job for sexual behavior and missing shifts, near daily write-ups at school for disrupting class, ditching and sleeping in school, frequently breaking curfew, swearing at staff and other residents, doing drugs, getting drunk, and blowing off therapy. Did I point out that is all just in the last 30 days?

so over $1,000,000 in treatment and she is worse off than when she started. (However, I still fall to my knees in gratitude because that $1M bought my other three their childhoods and so much progress.)

and the highlight of the meeting.....Kanga is coming off birth control....she wants a baby.

 

[HaoZi]

Is sterilizing her an option? No, really, is it?

 

[JJJ]

Is sterilizing her an option? No, really, is it?

No, that is not currently legal. I checked. The entire treatment team jumped on her -- we were very blunt that if she got pregnant that the chances of the baby having a birth defect is very, very high and that the chances that CPS will take her baby from the hospital and she will never get to raise it was 99.999999% Of course, none of this is true in Kanga-ville, that lovely fantasy place where she is worshipped and everyone bows to her greatness and all her dreams come true.

 

[HaoZi]

What about a long-term birth control option she can't tamper with, at least to give a few more years?

 

[JKF]

I use the Mirena IUD for birth control. It stays in place for 5 years and its more effective than the pill. Maybe that's an option?? I mean it won't protect her from STD's but she won't get pregnant. Just an idea.

 

[JKF]

But if she WANTS to get pregnant she probably won't agree. Wish I had some kind of wisdom or better advice but sadly I don't. I hope she realizes that a baby is NOT a good idea!

 

[JJJ]

What about a long-term birth control option she can't tamper with, at least to give a few more years?

Currently, she has the implant but she has demanded its removal. I'm going to call the clinic and ask/beg them to try and talk her out of it.

 

[JJJ]

But if she WANTS to get pregnant she probably won't agree. Wish I had some kind of wisdom or better advice but sadly I don't. I hope she realizes that a baby is NOT a good idea!

She most definitely wants to get pregnant.....it's what all the cool girls are doing....ugh.

 

[JJJ]

She was told that a positive pregnancy test would get her kicked out of TLP. They would help get her into an apartment but then she'd be on her own.

 

[JKF]

She was told that a positive pregnancy test would get her kicked out of TLP. They would help get her into an apartment but then she'd be on her own.

That alone might actually be an incentive FOR her to get pregnant. If she wants out of there bad enough the fact that they will help her into her own apartment probably sounds great to her. Uggggh! These kids of ours don't think! I'm so sorry JJJ!

 

[DDD]

OMG...I am sending such caring thoughts and hugs your way that, lol, you wouldn't believe it! I did not have a difficult child who was that troubled but I remember the sleepless nights anticipating the births of three grandchildren who would never have a normal life with a Mom by their side. I explored options but discovered she had the legal right to make decisions lacking morality. So sorry. DDD

 

[JJJ]

That alone might actually be an incentive FOR her to get pregnant. If she wants out of there bad enough the fact that they will help her into her own apartment probably sounds great to her. Uggggh! These kids of ours don't think! I'm so sorry JJJ!

They will do that for her at her request. She just has to tell them so wants to start the process and she'll be in her own apartment within weeks. No need to get pregnant.

 

[JKF]

They will do that for her at her request. She just has to tell them so wants to start the process and she'll be in her own apartment within weeks. No need to get pregnant.

Oh wow. I didn't realize that. When my son was in his placement they didn't offer any assistance with living arrangements if he wanted to leave. It was either stay there or leave with no support. He left out of desperation, wound up in jail and is now on the streets of the "poorest city in the US". (Sorry - I've been googling too much!!) Anyway, I really hope someone out there can talk some sense into her. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

 

[StressedM0mma]

Oh JJJ. What a mess. I hope they can talk her into keeping her implant. Hugs and Prayers.

 

[AnnieO]

OMG, JJJ. I just can't believe our kids sometimes...

 

[pasajes4]

All I have are huge hugs for you and a steel toed boot for Kanga.

 

[susiestar]

Is there any way that you and husband can get legal guardianship so that you can make this decision? Or would it be best to make darn sure that she cannot easily get to your home and then wash your hands of her? given the danger she presents to the family, a protective order would likely be obtainable. Esp if you can get unbamboozled staff/docs to tell the court that she is a danger to you.

I don't think that even with legal guardianship that you can force birth control. I completely HATE our system where we are legally liable for anything they do, inclluding having chldren, until they are 18 and even until 21 in some states. We have to pay and deal with it all, but we don't get to make this decision. It just creates another generation of kids with severe problems. I was astounded to learn that most docs will NOT follow a parents' requests even in kids as young as 12. Esp in some states where they can flat out refuse medications and mental health treatment, and can make reproductive decisions, but they cannot leave school or even get a job.

I know it is hard, and I am glad that the funds were found to help the rest of the family. I know the devastation that sibling abuse can wreak on a family. I do think that if you push this she will either insist on leaving and having a child and given pregnancy hormones she will be very very violent, esp as she has been using drugs/alcohol.

Part of me thinks something like mirena would be a good option, but I also cannot help but wonder if she would try to take it out on her own or to find a different doctor to get them to remove it.

Do what you must to protect yourselves from this. the ONLY way she will learn is by experience, and hitting bottom for her will come a long, long, long tme after it does for the rest of the family. I am sorry she is so damaged, but if all this time and therapy hasn't helped at all, then it probably won't make much difference what you do with regards to her. Sometimes you have to just let them figure it out in the hardest most awful ways possible. It hoovers because they hurt so many people on the way.

 

[trinityroyal]

JJJ, I don't know what to say. Sending many hugs your way.

I do think susiestar makes a good point about protecting the rest of your family, and letting Kanga do what Kanga does...

 

[busywend]

Ugh! Hugs to you my friend. We can see this train wreck coming from miles away and are powerless to stop it.

 

[JJJ]

JJJ, I don't know what to say. Sending many hugs your way.

I do think susiestar makes a good point about protecting the rest of your family, and letting Kanga do what Kanga does...

The rest of us are well protected. She hasn't seen the other children in three years. I know that once she leaves treatment she will fade out of our lives soon after. I think it will be easier to not know what a disaster she is making of her life.

It's illogical but it shames me that she has our last name. If she follows through on any of these 'wedding plans', my gift will be helping her with all the paperwork to get her name changed.