Is it boys will be boys or something more?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by livinginazoo, Mar 29, 2007.

  1. livinginazoo

    livinginazoo New Member

    I have two girls and one boy, so I'm a little lost when it comes to my son. I keep hearing that old saying "boys will be boys", I know that boys are rougher than girls but lately my son has been extremly aggresive with his sisters, mainly his youner sister. Monday I had him home from school because he had been sick on Sunday, while I was in the bathroom getting ready for work my easy child came in and told me bubby had hit her. No big surprise till I looked over and seen my shower curtian, edge of sink and her whole left side of her head covered in blood. When I asked Bub(difficult child 2) what he had hit her with all he would tell me is "in sink", I called my husband home from work(to watch P while I took easy child to ER) and started going through everything in the sink, when I pulled out the steak knife, he pointed and said that's it! Once I got her to the ER and they got her all cleaned up the marks were very small but would match that of a serrated knife(small holes in a straight line). Although she is fine, and told that head wounds blead a lot, even small ones. They told me that boys will be boys. I admitted my difficult child 1 to a Psyc hospital for threating to stab us with a knife, but now that it's a boy it's just cause boys are rougher? psychiatric Dr has agreed to see but can't get him in till June. I'm at a loss, we've never had to deal with anything like this and I don't know what to do. Now we are back to keeping all the knives completly put up out of reach from anyone(I use a ladder to get them). Someone with boys please tell me is this something I should just expect from my son? We know that he has emotional problems and is seeing a councler ever two weeks because of behavoir problems, just don't have a diagnosis and they act like it's normal behavior. easy child seems to be his punching post, and we are despritly trying to get him to stop. Bub can be a very loving, and protective brother to his sisters, but can also be very agressive to them. Help please, I thought I had seen the worst with difficult child 1, but I was wrong.
     
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    in my humble opinion, this is absolutely not a case of boys will be boys. I'm having a hard time believing the hospital told you that because they are mandatory reporters to Child Protective Services in the cases of abuse. You need to have difficult child 2 evaluated by a child psychiatrist (psychiatrist) ASAP. Ca you get on a cancellation list for the psychiatrist so you don't have to wait until June?

    As you may know, both depression and bipolar disorder are hereditary. Since both you and your husband are affected, you need to take the symptoms you're seeing in your difficult child 2 seriously. I hope you can find a doctor who will take this seriously as well.

    by the way, I'd recommend keeping the knives and other sharp objects locked up, not just out of reach. Kids have a way of getting into things if they want them badly enough.
     
  3. Dara

    Dara New Member

    I am also shocked that the hospital didnt say anything more other than "boys will be boys" I would also call your pediatrician. and ask him to call the psychiatric dr to see if he can help you get your difficult child 2 in sooner! If your pediatrician cant help than definatly try and get in on the cancellation list to maybe get you in sooner!
    I am sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. I hope things get better soon!
     
  4. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I walked into the kitchen once and found my oldest easy child son (just turned 3) pressing a metal cookie cutter into the forhead of 2 week old difficult child sitting while he was sleeping in his carseat. He was a mild mannered kid, no history of aggression, no significant family mental health history that would show up in early childhood known at the time so for those reasons the right choice was to supervise and babyproof more. I didn't even chalk that incident up to boys being boys but to curious preschool behavior.

    Had my easy child other issues I would have had far more concern. I think you're wise to be cautious and check it out.

    If you haven't done so already, I'd suggest pulling any screen time (tv, video, dvd, computer, video games) with violent or aggressive themes. You'd be amazed what is present even on shows you wouldn't suspect.
     
  5. livinginazoo

    livinginazoo New Member

    We are on the cancellation list for the psychiatrist, I'm tempted to have them switch the two difficult child's appointments since oldest difficult child's apt is next month and is doing well. I'm just stressed, I know that Bi-polar, depression, ADHD ect run thick through both of our families, so it's something that I've been watching for. Unfortunatly because of difficult child 1's problems we didn't notice difficult child's problems till we got her under controll. I'm stressed, and having problems with the schools, but I think that will have to be a differant(and long) post. psychiatrists nurse told me that they will call me if anyone cancels, keep up my apt's with the councler, and try to hang on. I'd take Bub to see a differant psychiatrist, but this one knows us and our history since she's seen difficult child 1 since she was 2.

    Since we have kinda delt with this situation before, we are very, very carefull about what our children watch and what they are allowed to do. They are only allowed to watch things like Elmo, Sesame Street, Thomas and things like that. They are not allowed to play video games(I feel they are all way too young), and only difficult child 1 is allowed on the computer and then only for learning games. We are often told that we are TOO PROTECTIVE, but when you look at the people who say that you can tell they have no controll(not like I do, but I try), and allow thier kids(same age as mine) to run all over town, and do what ever. I had one parent tell me I was too protective- I watched her let her 3yr pump gas the other day! I thought my boss was going to have a heart attack.

    My only intention with my kids is to raise them to be productive members of society(and love/care for them of course), and if telling them NO, not allowing them to do things we feel are not age appropriate, putting them on a scedual with a set bedtime, and having consiquences for thier actions is being overprotective, then I'm proud to be and overprotective parent.
     
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I dont think you are overreacting either.

    To me boys will be boys is accidents like rough housing, falling down, wrestling, running too fast in the house, frogs in pockets, banging into each other because they arent looking where they are going. Can you tell I have raised boys? LOL.

    Mine have hurt each other but it was always because they simply didnt think things through. They jumped off the house and landed on the mattress and it made the other kid fly through the air...oops! One of them threw a ball and it hit a tree and ricocheted into the other one. Things like that.
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I've raised three boys, two to maturity, and none threatened anyone with a knife. I'm appalled that you were told "boys will be boys" rather than being offered help. Hitting each other happened sometimes (not often), but choking, intent to REALLY harm, etc...in my opinion, that's way off the radar as "boys will be boys." I'd have him evaluated by somebody NOT from that hospital. University hospitals tend to be on "the cutting edge." I favor them.
     
  8. livinginazoo

    livinginazoo New Member

    The hospital that I took easy child too is not where there regular pediatrician doctor is, if it wouldn't have been an emergency I would not have takin her there. in my opinion I think our local dr's office is a bandaid station that doesnt' know there head from a hole in the ground. The psychiatrist and councler that he is going to see is affiliated with the University Hospital, were oldest difficult child is seen every six months. He sees the councler monday and I am hoping that she can give me some ideas as right now he hasn't been in school for a week and a half(that's a post in Special Education 101), so that's not helping and I'm wondering if that's not what part of the problem is. Thank you for the answers, figured it would help me to know from someone who has been there done that.
     
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