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Is it ever ok to just be "done?"
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 687279" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>When somebody, anybody, is repeatedly mean to us, it is normal to numb out.</p><p></p><p>When I was still young and believed thst.love conquered all, my ex and I adopted a lovely, brilliant six year old boy from an asian orphanage. I loved him as if he had been our birthchild, the same as we loved our.other kids.</p><p></p><p>Until he met his now wife, who comes from his country, he was nice to all of it, but was always a bit detached and very robotic in demeaner although he alllways got straifgt As in school, was a good athlete and had tons of friends. Once he met his very beautiful and uber religious wife to be, he changed. As she wanted him all to hersrlf and he went along with it. He was 28 when I lost him.</p><p></p><p>I have found a very good site with stories and support for estranged parents. More than any other time when the estrangement began, trumping even drug use was meeting a partner who the parents could not make.like them. Often the sweetie put the idea that these loved adult kids were abused into their heads and many parents on that site have not seen their kids for 5-10 years. Some dont know where they live or if they have grands. Doesn't matter. The grands are told they were abusive.</p><p></p><p>My lovely brilliant handsome son who now owns his own million dollar plus business refuses to talk to anybody but my ex, and he isn't generous with his time to ex either. Nobody else has seen him for TEN years. I tried many ways, but he was horrible each time and she stood beside him with a hard, unforgiving face that told me she hated me although she never even talked to me. He wont see me without her.i have never seen his kids. I remember my love for him, but my heart was so broken I no longer feel that love, think much about him and he can never come back. I will not risk my heart again...if he did it once for so long he can do it again. Not that he will ask to come back. He wont. And that makes it easy. My other kids all loathe him for what he did and sonic and jumper are so much younger than him they barely remember him.</p><p></p><p>I don't hsve much money right now and he does, but he always wants more. Ex has money, which is why he at least keeps in touch with ex. I will eventually inherit, possibly a lot, from my father. I will give it to my kids. That child, gone ten years by his choice, us no longer my kid. I have four kids. I used to have five. He no longer is. And I dont feel like I'm going to hell or a bad mother.</p><p></p><p>We are human beings. We would fall out of love with a husband who abused us the way some of our kids do. It takes much longer to lose the glowing love for a child, and we may never completely not love them, but to me it makes sense that our feelings towards them can feel dull, flat and tired of how we are treated. And WE did not cause these feelings to wane and go.flat. WE tried everything to make it better. I know I did and I know every single mother here did. But they wear our emotions down until we can feel dead inside. I feel it is a normal consequence when a child is knowingly and repeatedly abusive year after year. In my case, my other kids are loving and caring toward me and I could not change or love my absent child so I gradually lost my maternal glow for the missing one.</p><p>JMO and how I feel about a man who was once a child very much in my life. He can no longer impact my life or emotions. I get it. No excuses.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 687279, member: 1550"] When somebody, anybody, is repeatedly mean to us, it is normal to numb out. When I was still young and believed thst.love conquered all, my ex and I adopted a lovely, brilliant six year old boy from an asian orphanage. I loved him as if he had been our birthchild, the same as we loved our.other kids. Until he met his now wife, who comes from his country, he was nice to all of it, but was always a bit detached and very robotic in demeaner although he alllways got straifgt As in school, was a good athlete and had tons of friends. Once he met his very beautiful and uber religious wife to be, he changed. As she wanted him all to hersrlf and he went along with it. He was 28 when I lost him. I have found a very good site with stories and support for estranged parents. More than any other time when the estrangement began, trumping even drug use was meeting a partner who the parents could not make.like them. Often the sweetie put the idea that these loved adult kids were abused into their heads and many parents on that site have not seen their kids for 5-10 years. Some dont know where they live or if they have grands. Doesn't matter. The grands are told they were abusive. My lovely brilliant handsome son who now owns his own million dollar plus business refuses to talk to anybody but my ex, and he isn't generous with his time to ex either. Nobody else has seen him for TEN years. I tried many ways, but he was horrible each time and she stood beside him with a hard, unforgiving face that told me she hated me although she never even talked to me. He wont see me without her.i have never seen his kids. I remember my love for him, but my heart was so broken I no longer feel that love, think much about him and he can never come back. I will not risk my heart again...if he did it once for so long he can do it again. Not that he will ask to come back. He wont. And that makes it easy. My other kids all loathe him for what he did and sonic and jumper are so much younger than him they barely remember him. I don't hsve much money right now and he does, but he always wants more. Ex has money, which is why he at least keeps in touch with ex. I will eventually inherit, possibly a lot, from my father. I will give it to my kids. That child, gone ten years by his choice, us no longer my kid. I have four kids. I used to have five. He no longer is. And I dont feel like I'm going to hell or a bad mother. We are human beings. We would fall out of love with a husband who abused us the way some of our kids do. It takes much longer to lose the glowing love for a child, and we may never completely not love them, but to me it makes sense that our feelings towards them can feel dull, flat and tired of how we are treated. And WE did not cause these feelings to wane and go.flat. WE tried everything to make it better. I know I did and I know every single mother here did. But they wear our emotions down until we can feel dead inside. I feel it is a normal consequence when a child is knowingly and repeatedly abusive year after year. In my case, my other kids are loving and caring toward me and I could not change or love my absent child so I gradually lost my maternal glow for the missing one. JMO and how I feel about a man who was once a child very much in my life. He can no longer impact my life or emotions. I get it. No excuses. [/QUOTE]
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