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Is it ever ok to just be "done?"
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 687639" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You can not be there for anyone who is not there for you/me/anyone. A relationship is give and take.</p><p></p><p>I can not have any relationship with Goneboy because he and his wife have decided I can't see them. I'm done trying to find out why and have finished the grieving process. In every important way, he is not my son. I refuse to allow thoughts of him to destroy the mucho good I have.</p><p></p><p>In a very real way, one also can not have a true relationship with any adult who isn't invested in your health and happiness, but only come around to ask for things or to talk about them. Yelling abuse at somebody is a SICK relationship. If the other listens to the abuse and cries and feels guilty that is also a SICK relationship. And hurtful. And demeaning.</p><p></p><p>We can only have normal relationships with people who are usually benevolent and reciprocate our warmth. In any healthy relationship both care about the other and little tiffs are easily worked out.</p><p></p><p>I've had one sided relationships. They suck.</p><p></p><p>I'm only doing healthy relationships these days. We can choose who we wish to interact with and when. Sometimes it gets so bad, even in a family, that we can't take any more. It is especially hurtful if it is a child. And they know it.</p><p>When I think about Goneboys enormous IQ and think about what he did to me and most of his family, certainly he is aware but uncaring that he once hurt us to the core. It has been ten years. He is a Christian, as is his wife, who apparently unwilling to ever forgive/work out whatever the problem was and obviously still is. That reminds me that, although I hate to think it, he is not a very nice person or he would at least attempt to give a break to his mother, whom he knows loved him so much. He is mean to me. And I could never trust him again. I could never risk my heart to him again. I have dismissed him...it is his desire and I now agree with him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 687639, member: 1550"] You can not be there for anyone who is not there for you/me/anyone. A relationship is give and take. I can not have any relationship with Goneboy because he and his wife have decided I can't see them. I'm done trying to find out why and have finished the grieving process. In every important way, he is not my son. I refuse to allow thoughts of him to destroy the mucho good I have. In a very real way, one also can not have a true relationship with any adult who isn't invested in your health and happiness, but only come around to ask for things or to talk about them. Yelling abuse at somebody is a SICK relationship. If the other listens to the abuse and cries and feels guilty that is also a SICK relationship. And hurtful. And demeaning. We can only have normal relationships with people who are usually benevolent and reciprocate our warmth. In any healthy relationship both care about the other and little tiffs are easily worked out. I've had one sided relationships. They suck. I'm only doing healthy relationships these days. We can choose who we wish to interact with and when. Sometimes it gets so bad, even in a family, that we can't take any more. It is especially hurtful if it is a child. And they know it. When I think about Goneboys enormous IQ and think about what he did to me and most of his family, certainly he is aware but uncaring that he once hurt us to the core. It has been ten years. He is a Christian, as is his wife, who apparently unwilling to ever forgive/work out whatever the problem was and obviously still is. That reminds me that, although I hate to think it, he is not a very nice person or he would at least attempt to give a break to his mother, whom he knows loved him so much. He is mean to me. And I could never trust him again. I could never risk my heart to him again. I have dismissed him...it is his desire and I now agree with him. [/QUOTE]
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Is it ever ok to just be "done?"
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