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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 55486" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>Pamela, it is interesting because I was just reading AllStressedOuts post and she was frustrated over the same thing! I was contemplating how to answer her, and then saw your post with the same dilemma. In order to deal with my own difficult child, I tend to ask the question, "what in the brain is not working correctly for my difficult child". </p><p></p><p>I have read some research about how for these kids there is a lack of blood flow to the frontal lobe that causes them to have an inability to make good decisions. I am not sure how accurate that it - but, lets just say that this is indeed the case. That in actuality your son wakes up, and does not have enough blood circulating in the executive functioning area of his brain - then literally his brain is not operating correctly - and he is not able to think clearly. His brain is not working like yours and mine - and therefore the expectation of him "getting it" like we might get it is impossible. </p><p></p><p>If one is able to operate from this paradigm, whatever the actual biological cause of the brain not working correctly may be, it lessens our anger towards our kids. If one operates from the paradigm that our kids really do want to please, and that there is an actual physical obstruction causing them to not be able to live up to their own internal expectations and desires then it creates in us an intrinsic need to help them be successful, rather than be punitive and frustrated. </p><p></p><p>I don't know if this makes sense - but it helps me tremendously when dealing with my difficult child. It makes it easier to do what Linda was talking about in terms of redoing the behavior, rather than punishing the behavior. It also makes it easier to put things in baskets C and B if need be.</p><p></p><p>So sorry you are having to deal with this day in and day out! I know how it stinks! One other thing that might help is wake him up an hour early to give him his medications, and then let him go back to sleep until wake up time. Then maybe he will be medicated while getting ready for school.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 55486, member: 3301"] Pamela, it is interesting because I was just reading AllStressedOuts post and she was frustrated over the same thing! I was contemplating how to answer her, and then saw your post with the same dilemma. In order to deal with my own difficult child, I tend to ask the question, "what in the brain is not working correctly for my difficult child". I have read some research about how for these kids there is a lack of blood flow to the frontal lobe that causes them to have an inability to make good decisions. I am not sure how accurate that it - but, lets just say that this is indeed the case. That in actuality your son wakes up, and does not have enough blood circulating in the executive functioning area of his brain - then literally his brain is not operating correctly - and he is not able to think clearly. His brain is not working like yours and mine - and therefore the expectation of him "getting it" like we might get it is impossible. If one is able to operate from this paradigm, whatever the actual biological cause of the brain not working correctly may be, it lessens our anger towards our kids. If one operates from the paradigm that our kids really do want to please, and that there is an actual physical obstruction causing them to not be able to live up to their own internal expectations and desires then it creates in us an intrinsic need to help them be successful, rather than be punitive and frustrated. I don't know if this makes sense - but it helps me tremendously when dealing with my difficult child. It makes it easier to do what Linda was talking about in terms of redoing the behavior, rather than punishing the behavior. It also makes it easier to put things in baskets C and B if need be. So sorry you are having to deal with this day in and day out! I know how it stinks! One other thing that might help is wake him up an hour early to give him his medications, and then let him go back to sleep until wake up time. Then maybe he will be medicated while getting ready for school. [/QUOTE]
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