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Is she a bully?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 693190" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Sounds like she may have borderline personality disorder and, yes they tend to bully and abuse and have lifelong histories of not being able to get along with oth others, especially family. Some parents cut contact because of getting fed up with the irrational anger, cutoffs and abuse. Some borderlines cruelly cut off their parents and withhold grandchildren...because this how people with this personality disorder behave unless they get intensive help and most refuse to accept they have any problems. But they do and so does anyone else who deals with them. They do not do well with compromise or reasoning. It's like they can't. </p><p></p><p>Your daughter is beyond middle age. You can't change her, but you can finally refuse to let her control your life. I learned never to let anyone have more power over me than I have over myself. I know it is hard to apply that to even a middle age child, and there are consequences because they can't stand for us to stand up for ourselves. I felt it was worth it to finally insist on respect. YOU HAVE to Decide How YOU WANT To Handle this. You have to expect anger and punishment from them, but I liked the self respect I gained. Done walking on eggshells.</p><p></p><p>If she has always been this way, she will not change, even if you grovel. And, yes, along with her need to totally control probably everyone, she is a middle age bully in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>Time to put yourself first maybe. You are as important as she is and need to treat yourself with love.</p><p></p><p>Good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 693190, member: 1550"] Sounds like she may have borderline personality disorder and, yes they tend to bully and abuse and have lifelong histories of not being able to get along with oth others, especially family. Some parents cut contact because of getting fed up with the irrational anger, cutoffs and abuse. Some borderlines cruelly cut off their parents and withhold grandchildren...because this how people with this personality disorder behave unless they get intensive help and most refuse to accept they have any problems. But they do and so does anyone else who deals with them. They do not do well with compromise or reasoning. It's like they can't. Your daughter is beyond middle age. You can't change her, but you can finally refuse to let her control your life. I learned never to let anyone have more power over me than I have over myself. I know it is hard to apply that to even a middle age child, and there are consequences because they can't stand for us to stand up for ourselves. I felt it was worth it to finally insist on respect. YOU HAVE to Decide How YOU WANT To Handle this. You have to expect anger and punishment from them, but I liked the self respect I gained. Done walking on eggshells. If she has always been this way, she will not change, even if you grovel. And, yes, along with her need to totally control probably everyone, she is a middle age bully in my opinion. Time to put yourself first maybe. You are as important as she is and need to treat yourself with love. Good luck. [/QUOTE]
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