Stella Johnson
Active Member
I agree. He needs to go and stay gone.
Steph
Steph
is the crisis time over yet???
- Thread starter Sunlight
- Start date
I'm Hangin' on by a Thread
New Member
Oh, Janet - I can not imagine your pain.....
I so wish there was something more that I could do besides offering my prayers and condolences. My heart is aching for you. Please keep us all posted on how you are and what you need. Find something special to do for yourself. Reach out to friends.
This too shall pass, hon. Remember your own words......The Lord has a plan. Let go and let God.....are my words.
Amy
I so wish there was something more that I could do besides offering my prayers and condolences. My heart is aching for you. Please keep us all posted on how you are and what you need. Find something special to do for yourself. Reach out to friends.
This too shall pass, hon. Remember your own words......The Lord has a plan. Let go and let God.....are my words.
Amy
Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
I agree with Dazed. You have put yourself thru the ringer and then some for Ant. You've been an amazing warrior Mom to the max. But it looks like the time to let Ant handle this on his own is here. He has got to want it, and be willing to work at it every single day. Not just when he feels like it.
It breaks my heart to see the downward slide. As someone else said, he's more than old enough for tough love. You deserve a life of your own without constant difficult child drama.
((((hugs))))
It breaks my heart to see the downward slide. As someone else said, he's more than old enough for tough love. You deserve a life of your own without constant difficult child drama.
((((hugs))))
WhymeMom?
No real answers to life..
<span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'>Janet, don't have any advice to offer, but thinking of you and your family. It does get better when they are out of the house and you don't have to deal with the day to day grief.....
Do you have a vacation planned soon? Sounds like time to find some sunshine and get away from all these dramas.....hoping for the best.....</span>
:crying: :rolleyes:
Do you have a vacation planned soon? Sounds like time to find some sunshine and get away from all these dramas.....hoping for the best.....</span>
:crying: :rolleyes:
LittleDudesMom
Well-Known Member
Janet,
I am so sorry Ant has come to this again. I think we were all worried a couple weeks ago when you posted about his anger.
Janet you have done so much, and given up so much, for your son. You have done everything you possibly could have done to help Ant learn life's lessons and point him in the right direction. We can't make em do it, only show them how.
I can't express in words how sorry I am that the high potential of a few months ago has come to this. I will pray for you, Ant, and Kaleb.
Sharon
I am so sorry Ant has come to this again. I think we were all worried a couple weeks ago when you posted about his anger.
Janet you have done so much, and given up so much, for your son. You have done everything you possibly could have done to help Ant learn life's lessons and point him in the right direction. We can't make em do it, only show them how.
I can't express in words how sorry I am that the high potential of a few months ago has come to this. I will pray for you, Ant, and Kaleb.
Sharon
I am at peace with having ant out. he did end up staying with a different girl last night, one with two kids. this is his problem now and I will not help him seek solutions. I will not be here watching him get drunk. perhaps knowing he has to fend for himself will push him to stay sober.
Nomad, the codependent no more book was the start of detachment for me with ant (and my now exDH). I read that several times. good book.
boyfriend did come over. he came over to talk about "us". I did learn a few things. he looks like a guy who has not eaten or slept much in a week. When he walked in the door, he grabbed and held me for dear life, kissing me again and again. he put his head down leaning it on mine and held me a long time.
He said he came over because he was still troubled about his decision to break off and wanted to see how he felt after talking with me more. part of it is that he did love his wife of 24 yrs. she had left him 4 yrs ago, within two months, I met him. he did pursue me then but I did not want someone who had recently been divorced. he seemed too lonely and desperate. I encouraged him to date a diff woman in our group at that time. they only went together two months and she left too because she said she did not love him. he and I were very casual friends for 6 or 7 months before he finally had asked to come and make me dinner at my own house. after that we have been inseperable.
I didnt know it but March 30 is his wedding anniversary. he said when march comes he feels depressed. he had also just gotten his annulment papers in the mail, although he wanted a Catholic annulment so he could remarry if he ever chose to...the papers depressed him as well.
He is going to continue to employ ant. he did tell ant he has to get to AA mtgs and take care of himself. he asked me if we could still go out this friday night to a small theater play "Jesus Christ Superstar".
I do not think he knows what he wants and is confused. he said he is not interested in contacting any other women at all, including Marcy, the woman he had emailed. he said he wanted to seek help for his lust issues and is going to deal with that.
I do not know what he wants either but I do know I like my house peaceful. Ant cannot live here, it is not good. I will live with or without boyfriend I am sure.
Meanwhile I have been taking busywend's advice and started my walking program, connected with some gals from the past, and am going to see what I want for a change. Today I am hemming the new draperies and am happy with being busy with my new window scarves etc. (I had the same window treatment in my livingroom for about 20 yrs. with the recent breakup I had the wise idea to wash them just one more time...they fell apart...lol)tonight I will go to my book group meeting on "the purpose driven life".
one day at a time.
Nomad, the codependent no more book was the start of detachment for me with ant (and my now exDH). I read that several times. good book.
boyfriend did come over. he came over to talk about "us". I did learn a few things. he looks like a guy who has not eaten or slept much in a week. When he walked in the door, he grabbed and held me for dear life, kissing me again and again. he put his head down leaning it on mine and held me a long time.
He said he came over because he was still troubled about his decision to break off and wanted to see how he felt after talking with me more. part of it is that he did love his wife of 24 yrs. she had left him 4 yrs ago, within two months, I met him. he did pursue me then but I did not want someone who had recently been divorced. he seemed too lonely and desperate. I encouraged him to date a diff woman in our group at that time. they only went together two months and she left too because she said she did not love him. he and I were very casual friends for 6 or 7 months before he finally had asked to come and make me dinner at my own house. after that we have been inseperable.
I didnt know it but March 30 is his wedding anniversary. he said when march comes he feels depressed. he had also just gotten his annulment papers in the mail, although he wanted a Catholic annulment so he could remarry if he ever chose to...the papers depressed him as well.
He is going to continue to employ ant. he did tell ant he has to get to AA mtgs and take care of himself. he asked me if we could still go out this friday night to a small theater play "Jesus Christ Superstar".
I do not think he knows what he wants and is confused. he said he is not interested in contacting any other women at all, including Marcy, the woman he had emailed. he said he wanted to seek help for his lust issues and is going to deal with that.
I do not know what he wants either but I do know I like my house peaceful. Ant cannot live here, it is not good. I will live with or without boyfriend I am sure.
Meanwhile I have been taking busywend's advice and started my walking program, connected with some gals from the past, and am going to see what I want for a change. Today I am hemming the new draperies and am happy with being busy with my new window scarves etc. (I had the same window treatment in my livingroom for about 20 yrs. with the recent breakup I had the wise idea to wash them just one more time...they fell apart...lol)tonight I will go to my book group meeting on "the purpose driven life".
one day at a time.
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Wow, Ant's mom, you've been through a lot in the past 24 hrs. I'm just sitting here staring at the screen and thinking I should shut my mouth because I complain about the little things while you've got so many decisions to make and so many things going on. And you're dealing with-it all in such a positive way!
Nomad has some good thoughts. Wish I could help you as much... but you are doing very well and I am proud of you.
Nomad has some good thoughts. Wish I could help you as much... but you are doing very well and I am proud of you.
house of cards
New Member
You have shown me so much about love and strength. You deserve some peace and time for yourself. It was nice that boyfriend backed you up with Ant and will continue to employ him. I'm rooting for the two of you.
Janet,
You are one strong woman! You amaze me each time I read your posts.
I have no great ideas or suggestions, I feel bad that you are going thru this and stuff with b/f. Murphy's law, when it rains it sure does pour! I know, I live it every day :smile:
Hang in there, as Fran said take each day one at a time, even an hour at a time if need be.
Poor Ant, I was so proud of him. I've read your posts for years now, and I was just so darned proud of him. I hope he finds his way back, he can do it, he proved he can. He just tripped up and I hope he soon realizes this before he gets in trouble again.
You are one strong woman! You amaze me each time I read your posts.
I have no great ideas or suggestions, I feel bad that you are going thru this and stuff with b/f. Murphy's law, when it rains it sure does pour! I know, I live it every day :smile:
Hang in there, as Fran said take each day one at a time, even an hour at a time if need be.
Poor Ant, I was so proud of him. I've read your posts for years now, and I was just so darned proud of him. I hope he finds his way back, he can do it, he proved he can. He just tripped up and I hope he soon realizes this before he gets in trouble again.
Estherfromjerusalem
Well-Known Member
Janet,
Just wanted you to know that you have my love and support. I don't think I have anything to add to all the great advice you have received. I think any decision you make is the right decision for you. You sound as if you are getting your act together really well now, and I'm rooting for you.
Love, Esther
Just wanted you to know that you have my love and support. I don't think I have anything to add to all the great advice you have received. I think any decision you make is the right decision for you. You sound as if you are getting your act together really well now, and I'm rooting for you.
Love, Esther
'Chelle
Active Member
I'm sorry that ant has gone this way, he had started out so well. I'm happy you are at seem to be at peace with ant being gone, asking him to go in my opinion was the right thing to do. My husband and I both grew up in households with alcoholics, it is not a fun house to live in. Funny, husband and I hardly ever drink. You've done what you could, and now it's up to ant to choose.
Hope things get better for you, as you said, one day at a time.
{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}
Hope things get better for you, as you said, one day at a time.
{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}
PonyGirl
Warrior Parent
janet I believe you are doing the 100% right thing for your son. You know how sad I am he has chosen this path once again.
:hammer:
I hope it will be some small comfort to you to know that, I myself attend an AA meeting every week, when we begin the meeting we say, "Let's have a Moment of Silence for the Alcoholic who still suffers" and I hold thoughts of ant in my heart.
:warrior:
please do not hesitate to ask if you think me or difficult child could/should reach out to ant.
Peace
:hammer:
I hope it will be some small comfort to you to know that, I myself attend an AA meeting every week, when we begin the meeting we say, "Let's have a Moment of Silence for the Alcoholic who still suffers" and I hold thoughts of ant in my heart.
:warrior:
please do not hesitate to ask if you think me or difficult child could/should reach out to ant.
Peace
terry, I did. thanks for asking. I used to hit the pillow and fall asleep in a nanosecond. I have not slept since all this happened. last night I felt relieved. it is like I know I can regain control of my home, my life and that this relationship will not kill me. I am not the person I used to be, and am glad for that, but I am not yet the person I want to be. but, I can wait for me to grow and learn. God wraps his arms around me and sends me people like those here to uphold me. I am so very grateful.
boyfriend just called and wants to go for a walk outside so he is coming over later. He said ant made it to work today. i want to take it very slow with boyfriend. I am believing he was going thru some kind of depression.
boyfriend just called and wants to go for a walk outside so he is coming over later. He said ant made it to work today. i want to take it very slow with boyfriend. I am believing he was going thru some kind of depression.
donna723
Well-Known Member
Janet, for the record, I think you did exactly the right thing with Ant. It was time, and you had no other choice. You have gone way above and beyond what most people would have ever done. You have given him opportunity after opportunity, helped him again and again, and he made the decision to blow it. There is no more that you can do at this point without it being enabling. The rest is up to him. Hes a grown man and these are his choices to make. I, too, have lived around alcoholics all my life and I think that anyone trying to recover from an addiction should probably expect to stumble a time or two. As others have said, it was very encouraging that he did as well as he did for so long. But instead of picking himself up and trying again, hes giving up and falling back to thinking that its hopeless and that hes powerless against it. But you cant pick him up again hell have to do that himself.
And as for your exbf ? boyfriend ? exbf ? boyfriend ? exbf I hope youll forgive me for being so blunt, but I call them the way I see them. I think hes a self-serving user! I think hes playing you for his own purposes and that he picked a VERY bad time to do it, when you have so many other critical issues going on in your life right now. Yes, he has been very good to you in the past. And, yes, he has given your son a job. But in return, he was treated like the King! Pretty good deal! And dont forget that while he was getting the royal treatment from you, he was also lying to you, betraying you with other women, visiting singles websites, treating you very shabbily, and comparing your family to "baggage".!
Then HE breaks it off with you but he keeps calling and calling, giving you mixed message after mixed message Hes sure Hes NOT sure He misses you terribly Hes confused Hes depressed Then hes asking you to go to a play with him? Its like he dropped this bomb on you about breaking up but then he keeps popping back in to see how youre taking it, trying to gauge your reactions and keep you worried and concerned about him. Thats the payoff for him he misses being the center of your universe! He has to keep you dangling there making HIM feel important! This was HIS idea and whether hes eating or sleeping well or is "depressed" is not your concern anymore. YOU have a lot more depressing things going on in your own life right now that far outweigh his being depressed over an anniversary date! And instead of trying to help you through it, he keeps turning the focus back to HIM! Poor him! :frown:
And at the risk of sounding totally flippant, I don't believe that "lust issues" is a certifiable disorder or anything that requires treatment or should evoke sympathy! From where I stand, there is an awful lot of that going around these days! It's a regular epidemic! It's not like a disease they catch and are helpless against ... "Poor thing, he suffers from 'Lust Issues' - he just can't help it". "Lust issues" is just another term for "bad behavior"! :cool:
I'm not saying not to let him back into your life again, if that's what you want, and if that will make you happy. But if you do, please do it with your eyes wide open and with the knowledge that (to paraphrase Fran) ... he will probably always do what he always did! Then decide if you can live with that. You deserve much, MUCH better!
:flower:
