Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Is there a time we can and should say good-bye to our past?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 664258" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Yes. Forgiving ourselves instead of judging ourselves...that would be love, right?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That would haunt me, too.</p><p></p><p>You have been through so much that is horrifying, horrific.</p><p></p><p>I am so deeply sorry for the dogs, for what that must have been like for them!</p><p></p><p>It's like falling through a trapdoor, to be confronted with that kind of evil. What an awful, awful thing.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>No, Serenity. You are good. If you were bad, you would not feel as you do about what happened ~ about all the bad things that happened to all of you because of that one boy you all believed in and took into your hearts.</p><p></p><p>Maybe I am looking at all of this in a wrong way. Maybe it is true that there are people with something driving them we will never understand.</p><p></p><p>And maybe my mother, and maybe all of our mothers, were people like that.</p><p></p><p>The literature tells us they are out there, walking around in the world...and that empathic people are their chosen victims and their easiest prey.</p><p></p><p>We could not rationalize this boy's actions through drug use or long term addiction.</p><p></p><p>Frightening.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry that happened to you, and to your animals, Serenity.</p><p></p><p>What an awful thing.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>The validation I receive from D H is like that too, Serenity. It isn't that he says "Oh, there, there." He is like, flummoxed at the things my family of origin does. They are literally beyond anything he can understand. </p><p></p><p>It was D H who first told me to forgive myself, where my family of origin is concerned. He said there was nothing to be done for or about them but to see what they do and evict them from our minds and hearts. He is curious about my process here on the site? But he does not understand why any of us gives our families of origin thought or headspace or regret. He does not understand how it is I hold myself responsible for anything having to do with my childhood.</p><p></p><p>He gets it, and agrees, that I was different before the kids ~ before our own family went through what we've been through. He agrees that I am stronger and happier and calmer, now and the longer I am away from my FOO.</p><p></p><p>We were talking last night about that last phone conversation I had with my sister. D H said that is always the attitude I needed to take ~ to respond to my family from that place I am now ~ because they are bullies, every last one of them.</p><p></p><p>Except my father.</p><p></p><p>D H sees him as a victim, too.</p><p></p><p>But he stayed with my mother, and he sided with my mother against me...so there you have it. Peace at all costs? Toss a daughter to the wolves? (Well, not exactly to the wolves. I did have D H and all the "very nice" (like in Lil and Jabber's Monty Python clip) things that we have. "We already got one." That is true for each of us. We already do "got one". It's a matter of seeing the authority of the English king and his demands for the fraudulent things they are. </p><p></p><p>I will put that clip here for us.</p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]9V7zbWNznbs[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>They don't even have any real horses.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I don't know. But I do know we are coming into new understandings about who we were taught we were. That is what matters. We cannot change what happened. </p><p></p><p>We can only change how we respond.</p><p></p><p>That, we can do.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 664258, member: 17461"] Yes. Forgiving ourselves instead of judging ourselves...that would be love, right? That would haunt me, too. You have been through so much that is horrifying, horrific. I am so deeply sorry for the dogs, for what that must have been like for them! It's like falling through a trapdoor, to be confronted with that kind of evil. What an awful, awful thing. No, Serenity. You are good. If you were bad, you would not feel as you do about what happened ~ about all the bad things that happened to all of you because of that one boy you all believed in and took into your hearts. Maybe I am looking at all of this in a wrong way. Maybe it is true that there are people with something driving them we will never understand. And maybe my mother, and maybe all of our mothers, were people like that. The literature tells us they are out there, walking around in the world...and that empathic people are their chosen victims and their easiest prey. We could not rationalize this boy's actions through drug use or long term addiction. Frightening. I am sorry that happened to you, and to your animals, Serenity. What an awful thing. The validation I receive from D H is like that too, Serenity. It isn't that he says "Oh, there, there." He is like, flummoxed at the things my family of origin does. They are literally beyond anything he can understand. It was D H who first told me to forgive myself, where my family of origin is concerned. He said there was nothing to be done for or about them but to see what they do and evict them from our minds and hearts. He is curious about my process here on the site? But he does not understand why any of us gives our families of origin thought or headspace or regret. He does not understand how it is I hold myself responsible for anything having to do with my childhood. He gets it, and agrees, that I was different before the kids ~ before our own family went through what we've been through. He agrees that I am stronger and happier and calmer, now and the longer I am away from my FOO. We were talking last night about that last phone conversation I had with my sister. D H said that is always the attitude I needed to take ~ to respond to my family from that place I am now ~ because they are bullies, every last one of them. Except my father. D H sees him as a victim, too. But he stayed with my mother, and he sided with my mother against me...so there you have it. Peace at all costs? Toss a daughter to the wolves? (Well, not exactly to the wolves. I did have D H and all the "very nice" (like in Lil and Jabber's Monty Python clip) things that we have. "We already got one." That is true for each of us. We already do "got one". It's a matter of seeing the authority of the English king and his demands for the fraudulent things they are. I will put that clip here for us. [MEDIA=youtube]9V7zbWNznbs[/MEDIA] They don't even have any real horses. I don't know. But I do know we are coming into new understandings about who we were taught we were. That is what matters. We cannot change what happened. We can only change how we respond. That, we can do. Cedar [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Is there a time we can and should say good-bye to our past?
Top