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Family of Origin
Is there a time we can and should say good-bye to our past?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 664501" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>The pain and the sorrow and the emptiness come of abandonment. Though we had mothers, our primary response was the wariness of fear. Wariness of fear. Hope of welcome. Betrayal...no welcome, here. (Just like in Forrest Gump, when none of the kids will let Forrest sit with them, on the bus to school. Like that. Only we had nowhere to go. We <em>were</em> home.) Fear as second nature; rejection as anticipated truth.</p><p></p><p>And yet, we were made to love. Humans, and puppies and kittens and alligators who carry their babies to safety in their open jaws.</p><p></p><p>That is why that Nietzsche quote meant so much to me. </p><p></p><p>"<em>We love life not because we are used to living, but because we are used to loving."</em></p><p></p><p>The loving comes first. Before any of us really knows we are alive, there we are, all set for loving everything ~ flowers and stormy skies and blue ones and scents and tastes and faces. That is already inside us. So, for a child of a parent who just can't manage her own emotions...I don't know. That's a pretty bitter backwash, to have those wonderful feelings we came hard-wired with devalued, and to know fear, instead.</p><p></p><p>And to know fear, and the shame of it, instead.</p><p></p><p>So, seen this way, rejection has nothing to do with the child. Children do what they do. They are artless and easy to love; curious and so pretty and open and innocent. There is a sweetness about little kids, and even about adolescents, really.</p><p></p><p>So those things that we learned about love and vulnerability must have been very hard things for little hearts to know.</p><p></p><p>We've come through it.</p><p></p><p>Good for us.</p><p></p><p>Good, good work, for us that we know this about how it was for those little girls (or little boys) that we were.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 664501, member: 17461"] The pain and the sorrow and the emptiness come of abandonment. Though we had mothers, our primary response was the wariness of fear. Wariness of fear. Hope of welcome. Betrayal...no welcome, here. (Just like in Forrest Gump, when none of the kids will let Forrest sit with them, on the bus to school. Like that. Only we had nowhere to go. We [I]were[/I] home.) Fear as second nature; rejection as anticipated truth. And yet, we were made to love. Humans, and puppies and kittens and alligators who carry their babies to safety in their open jaws. That is why that Nietzsche quote meant so much to me. "[I]We love life not because we are used to living, but because we are used to loving."[/I] The loving comes first. Before any of us really knows we are alive, there we are, all set for loving everything ~ flowers and stormy skies and blue ones and scents and tastes and faces. That is already inside us. So, for a child of a parent who just can't manage her own emotions...I don't know. That's a pretty bitter backwash, to have those wonderful feelings we came hard-wired with devalued, and to know fear, instead. And to know fear, and the shame of it, instead. So, seen this way, rejection has nothing to do with the child. Children do what they do. They are artless and easy to love; curious and so pretty and open and innocent. There is a sweetness about little kids, and even about adolescents, really. So those things that we learned about love and vulnerability must have been very hard things for little hearts to know. We've come through it. Good for us. Good, good work, for us that we know this about how it was for those little girls (or little boys) that we were. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Is there a time we can and should say good-bye to our past?
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