Is there anything as too savvy ... to calm

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Apr 10, 2007.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I took kt to psychiatrist today - his comment to me was that I was too calm with my dry sense of humor & far too savvy. My calm reactions are helpful in the moment but doesn't push our SWs to do their jobs when services "fall short", which in his opinion is happening.

    He commented further that if "the system" isn't working, I either make it work or take things on that our waiver of services should be handling.

    I get the impression that he'd like me to "calmly" push the promised services to work as advertised. :hammer: He commented that if we can impress the county & the state with utilizing all the services available for the tweedles he can use this for other patients.

    While I think this was a compliment, I really am not sure I'd like to be an experiment.

    Further, this type of talk makes me nervous - it opens my eyes to the severity of the tweedles illnesses/deficits. Not that I'm ignoring it - just don't want it shoved in my face on a monthly basis. I've been through menopause, thank you very much. Don't need another "period", if you get my drift. :rofl:
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    One can only do so much, Linda. I can only imagine I would let sleeping dogs lie as well if whatever I tried worked even if for the short term.

    Although, I get his point - it takes effort.
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I'm always wary if a doctor tells me I'm remarkably calm, or unbelievably together. I tend to focus on the word "unbelievable" and wonder about their scepticism. I've had reason to - difficult child 1's first pediatrician had some very weird ideas which took their time to sow on my radar screen. He was fascinated with my refusal to react or get angry with him and he kept trying to push my buttons. He then interpreted my lack of reaction as depression, which it was really caution and a refusal to be distracted. I've seen too many mothers allow anger to totally deflect them from their main purpose.

    This pediatrician of difficult child 1's finally became dangerous, in my opinion, when he used difficult child 1's medication level as a trigger to see how I would react. When I tried to cut through his **** with, "What do you intend to prescribe?" he replied, "We could double his dosage, or halve it, or cut it out altogether - what do you want to do?"
    he clearly did not have difficult child 1's interests at heart. But he had the capability of doing a lot of damage to us both, by trying to convince others working with difficult child 1 that I was dangerous and difficult child 1 was being damaged by me. Thankfully nobody else believed him and I've since found this guy has a reputation for being very strange.

    But this sort of talk - it always worries me now. Just because I LOOK like I'm holding things together, doesn't mean I'm as functional as I seem. If I am forced to sit down and look at everything I have to accept and cope with, I end up a blubbering wreck. We all have our own ways of coping, and most of those ways involve a certain amount of denial. When you begin to take action on behalf of your child and pound the desks, you have to put that denial aside. So not only are you increasing your stress, you are removing one of your coping mechanisms at the same time. Maybe you can handle it; maybe you can't. But YOU are the best judge of this, not the psychiatrist.

  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You are the only one who can identify if you are overcompensating
    for the strong emotional aspects of raising the children. It is
    possible that he is genuinely concerned that you are hiding too
    many emotions in your effort to provide an even and calming environment for the children. There is a fine line between dedication to others in great stress and the stiflying of ones
    own needs to the point of self detriment.

    Do you feel he was trying to reach out with a helping hand or
    did you feel he was critical? Alot has to do with how he spoke
    and how he was heard. DDD
  5. lordhelpme

    lordhelpme New Member

    God luv ya linda!!

    just minutes before reading this i was contemplating having my own meltdown but instead grabbed a cadbury creme egg(they are only here for a limited time don't ya know!)and sat down and read your post.

    i think we all realize that there are times that we really have to work hard to keep it together and not lose it so that we can get things accomplished but i understand him telling you that it is ok to show some emotion and fight to get the system to work for you.

    i would take that suggestion that you have it in you to ask forcefully for what you want and yet keep in control and try it.
    let us know how it worked and what happened.

    who knows you could become a bigger inspiration to us!
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    You know, triple D, I truly believe that psychiatrist is reaching out....trying to get me step back.

    He did say I'm doing all I can & given the severity of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) in tweedles dee & dum, the fact that husband & I still are there for them; they can count on us is huge.

    I know that I'm burnt out in so many ways. The energies spent advocating versus the "return", if you will, on those energies is minimal. And will be for a very long time.

    Being a stay at home mom to a child who doesn't want to be parented is probably the worst choice in the world. husband & I have been discussing my returning to work.

    It all works out....

    Thank you ladies for your responses.
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Linda, I'm glad you feel his intentions were honorable. Although
    I have not had the complex issues you have taken on, I saw the
    first specialists in l966 and have been at it since then. The
    one and only professional who actually took time to focus on me
    for a few minutes is the Psychiatrist I found three years ago for
    difficult child. Each visit he invites me into his office for a few minutes
    before he meets with difficult child. Each visit in the most sincere way
    he looks directly at me and says "how are YOU doing?"....and he
    waits for an answer. I've always gotten accolades for my dedication etc. etc. but he is the only one who let me know that
    he can and will be there for me. It helps me. I hope it helps
    you, too. DDD