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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 697215" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>Hello Gershbunny,</p><p>You have come to a safe place where folks here understand and you are not alone.</p><p> I felt this way for years and kept assisting and encouraging in all the ways I could, but nothing changed and nothing helped, but just got worse, and the spiral continued downward. .... My story is posted on my other threads. .... I finally realized nothing I was doing was helping, and came to the realization that detachment was needed for my own survival, and to give my son a better chance for freedom and some success. </p><p>My 36 yr son then ended up in jail for 6 months and is now released to a transition house /probation program. I am cautious and will wait and see what happens. He is still of the same personality and capabilities as before, but he now has some required structure in his life, which is mandated by others (not me). (The court, the laws, and the probation program are setting the structure and consequences.) Son at least now has some motivation - even if it is only the motivation of not wanting to go back to jail. I am staying out of it. Maybe this is his turning point for some change (?)</p><p></p><p>So true Ironbutterfly. They have not a clue as we are dying inside.</p><p></p><p>Take care Gershbunny. Read the <u>Detachment</u> article at the top of this forum if you have not done so. Detachment is the necessary factor in our relationships with difficult adult children. Detachment does not mean giving up. It is lovingly giving our difficult children the freedom to spread there own wings and learn to fly.</p><p>Here's the article link. <a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz4HIJhbrPc" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz4HIJhbrPc</a></p><p>Stay with us here. It helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 697215, member: 19617"] Hello Gershbunny, You have come to a safe place where folks here understand and you are not alone. I felt this way for years and kept assisting and encouraging in all the ways I could, but nothing changed and nothing helped, but just got worse, and the spiral continued downward. .... My story is posted on my other threads. .... I finally realized nothing I was doing was helping, and came to the realization that detachment was needed for my own survival, and to give my son a better chance for freedom and some success. My 36 yr son then ended up in jail for 6 months and is now released to a transition house /probation program. I am cautious and will wait and see what happens. He is still of the same personality and capabilities as before, but he now has some required structure in his life, which is mandated by others (not me). (The court, the laws, and the probation program are setting the structure and consequences.) Son at least now has some motivation - even if it is only the motivation of not wanting to go back to jail. I am staying out of it. Maybe this is his turning point for some change (?) So true Ironbutterfly. They have not a clue as we are dying inside. Take care Gershbunny. Read the [U]Detachment[/U] article at the top of this forum if you have not done so. Detachment is the necessary factor in our relationships with difficult adult children. Detachment does not mean giving up. It is lovingly giving our difficult children the freedom to spread there own wings and learn to fly. Here's the article link. [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz4HIJhbrPc[/URL] Stay with us here. It helps. [/QUOTE]
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