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Is there such a thing as 'Aspie-lite'?
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 461697" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>Susie, one of the most difficult things about interacting with mother in law is that it has been ingrained in me to be the consummate hostess, cater, etc. I realized years ago that I only get kicked in the hiney by her when I do that, so I adjusted a bit. I'm still a great hostess, but I make her be responsible for a lot of her wants and needs. Upon arrival, I point out where the towels and family toiletries are so she can get those for herself. I'll also show her where everything in the kitchen is. </p><p></p><p>Yesterday she asked me if I make breakfast every day...I do not...and told her that breakfast and lunch were basically independent meals as I don't eat breakfast until mid morning when I have some fruit....and that I could ask her son to make her breakfast or she can feel free to do so herself. She made herself a soft boiled egg (gag) and that was that. I saw she found herself a towel for her shower. I also incorporate her when making meals as well. For instance, she will be peeling apples later today for apple cake after we go apple picking! Lol. </p><p></p><p>I have found myself on occasion treating H in certain situations as I would a difficult child, but now that I've cracked the code, lol, I will be more mindful of using some of every one here's techniques, I think it may make me less angry. Not because he has an excuse for his behaviors, but because I will change my approach and recognize this about him. Wow, I really do feel relief already. Thanks everyone!!!</p><p></p><p>The service was nice, not as large a crowd or as lively as the service in FL, but very nice. It was good to see sister in law and brother in law, my girls were there and well received, my best friend on LI came as well. It was a very simple affair and sister in law grabbed a scoop of father in law's ashes for me to bury in my yard under the dogwood. He used to call himself 'Old Dog' and he made it possible for H and I to get into this house, so it seems appropriate to me. difficult child asked if we were going to put him wear our dog is buried, I laughed my hiney off because father in law hated all our dogs-called them yappers.</p><p></p><p> I can see H still struggles with being an adult when he's with his family of origin, but baby steps, right? </p><p></p><p>Today I'm spending the morning with MY mom and then the rest of will go pick apples. I'm praying for a nap later today-that never happens, but maybe today will be the exception, because I could really use the break. My mother in law never shuts the F up now that father in law has passed! It's like she's finally able to speak and there's no stopping her. And the stuff she talks about, her voice, tone and cadence, just sends me up the walls. I thought she would fall asleep on the way home last night, but nope. At one point she yelled from the back seat, she's so demanding, "what about some music?!" H hates the radio, but when we are making that drive I usually am the one driving and so as not to fall asleep I like the songs to sing along with. I was glad she asked, but the way she asks is just so obnoxious. Anyway, the radio went on but she still wanted to talk, so I had to keep lowering and raising the volume-it was like entered Crazyland. Lol. Anyway, a nap will help me check out later. </p><p></p><p>And brother in law told me that mother in law loves me, which was strange to hear because you've all heard about how I think she hates me, right? Then father in law's sister (H's aunt) told me how mother in law raved and raved about how wonderfully helpful I've been....blah blah blah. If all this true, why does the woman look at me like I'm a specimen on a petrie dish? Lol! </p><p></p><p>Thanks for listening to me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 461697, member: 2211"] Susie, one of the most difficult things about interacting with mother in law is that it has been ingrained in me to be the consummate hostess, cater, etc. I realized years ago that I only get kicked in the hiney by her when I do that, so I adjusted a bit. I'm still a great hostess, but I make her be responsible for a lot of her wants and needs. Upon arrival, I point out where the towels and family toiletries are so she can get those for herself. I'll also show her where everything in the kitchen is. Yesterday she asked me if I make breakfast every day...I do not...and told her that breakfast and lunch were basically independent meals as I don't eat breakfast until mid morning when I have some fruit....and that I could ask her son to make her breakfast or she can feel free to do so herself. She made herself a soft boiled egg (gag) and that was that. I saw she found herself a towel for her shower. I also incorporate her when making meals as well. For instance, she will be peeling apples later today for apple cake after we go apple picking! Lol. I have found myself on occasion treating H in certain situations as I would a difficult child, but now that I've cracked the code, lol, I will be more mindful of using some of every one here's techniques, I think it may make me less angry. Not because he has an excuse for his behaviors, but because I will change my approach and recognize this about him. Wow, I really do feel relief already. Thanks everyone!!! The service was nice, not as large a crowd or as lively as the service in FL, but very nice. It was good to see sister in law and brother in law, my girls were there and well received, my best friend on LI came as well. It was a very simple affair and sister in law grabbed a scoop of father in law's ashes for me to bury in my yard under the dogwood. He used to call himself 'Old Dog' and he made it possible for H and I to get into this house, so it seems appropriate to me. difficult child asked if we were going to put him wear our dog is buried, I laughed my hiney off because father in law hated all our dogs-called them yappers. I can see H still struggles with being an adult when he's with his family of origin, but baby steps, right? Today I'm spending the morning with MY mom and then the rest of will go pick apples. I'm praying for a nap later today-that never happens, but maybe today will be the exception, because I could really use the break. My mother in law never shuts the F up now that father in law has passed! It's like she's finally able to speak and there's no stopping her. And the stuff she talks about, her voice, tone and cadence, just sends me up the walls. I thought she would fall asleep on the way home last night, but nope. At one point she yelled from the back seat, she's so demanding, "what about some music?!" H hates the radio, but when we are making that drive I usually am the one driving and so as not to fall asleep I like the songs to sing along with. I was glad she asked, but the way she asks is just so obnoxious. Anyway, the radio went on but she still wanted to talk, so I had to keep lowering and raising the volume-it was like entered Crazyland. Lol. Anyway, a nap will help me check out later. And brother in law told me that mother in law loves me, which was strange to hear because you've all heard about how I think she hates me, right? Then father in law's sister (H's aunt) told me how mother in law raved and raved about how wonderfully helpful I've been....blah blah blah. If all this true, why does the woman look at me like I'm a specimen on a petrie dish? Lol! Thanks for listening to me. [/QUOTE]
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