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Is this another level of letting go?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 556536" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Like Janet, I have been the excluded one even though I'm not a difficult child (most of the time.) And that hurts like hades. It doesn't matter that you are an adult. It doesn't even matter that you have a family of your own. It doesn't matter that relationship is rocky at best. To be excluded by a parent simply hurts. I don't want to say that to make you feel guilty if you decide that it is best not to invite your daughter. But it is the truth and something you may want to take into account. </p><p></p><p>I also get that your granddaughter may well say, and think, she doesn't want her mother around. She has been hurt by her a lot. But do also remember that she is a teen and isn't yet able to make informed adult decisions on things. She may think she doesn't want anything to do with her mother. But she is still her mother and making her persona non grata by you can feel like it reflects to herself. Or she could feel guilty that her mother is excluded because of her feelings. Dysfunctional relationships between a parent and a child are always so complex, so full of hidden mines that it is almost impossible to navigate.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry if I came off as offensive, that wasn't my intention at all. This is difficult choice and I can see good reasons to decide in many different ways, but do remember that it is not your job to teach her any more. You don't have to stay consistent to teach her a lesson. You made a rule about no contact in this situation and if you want to, you have a right call it a truce for holidays, if you so wish.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 556536, member: 14557"] Like Janet, I have been the excluded one even though I'm not a difficult child (most of the time.) And that hurts like hades. It doesn't matter that you are an adult. It doesn't even matter that you have a family of your own. It doesn't matter that relationship is rocky at best. To be excluded by a parent simply hurts. I don't want to say that to make you feel guilty if you decide that it is best not to invite your daughter. But it is the truth and something you may want to take into account. I also get that your granddaughter may well say, and think, she doesn't want her mother around. She has been hurt by her a lot. But do also remember that she is a teen and isn't yet able to make informed adult decisions on things. She may think she doesn't want anything to do with her mother. But she is still her mother and making her persona non grata by you can feel like it reflects to herself. Or she could feel guilty that her mother is excluded because of her feelings. Dysfunctional relationships between a parent and a child are always so complex, so full of hidden mines that it is almost impossible to navigate. I'm sorry if I came off as offensive, that wasn't my intention at all. This is difficult choice and I can see good reasons to decide in many different ways, but do remember that it is not your job to teach her any more. You don't have to stay consistent to teach her a lesson. You made a rule about no contact in this situation and if you want to, you have a right call it a truce for holidays, if you so wish. [/QUOTE]
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