Is this even close to normal?

[klmno]

My boss let it be known to me today that he doesn't even know if his wife got staples or stitches when she had her c-section. He still has her sleeping in the bedroom with the baby while he sleeps in the master BR. His wife has some "issue" regarding health that caused her to go back to the dr shortly after being discharged from the hospital when the baby was born. He says she is trying to keep up with the baby's feeding needs as she breastfeeds so there's not much he can do to help. He doesn't think she's been back to the dr yet to have any staples removed or stitches checked, etc. He says he "doesn't do well with blood" so that's why he has to "stay away from all that" and that's why he doesn't know.

I asked him how he held up when her water brokoe at home and he said "the power was off so I didn't see any of it".

To me, I don't think this man is normal at all. But I was wondering if others here find this acceptable. I do recall my mother telling me she had a friend in the 1960's who's husband made her sleep in a separate br or on the floor when she was menustrating. That's bad enough- but that was in the 60's and back in a very rural area.

I was a single mom but I would have expected my husband to be involved in all aspects of having a baby and care about my health and medication status, had I been married. Maybe that is why I'm not married. LOL!

I'm not going to get obsesssed with this because I have too many other things to worry about and this issue isn't mine, but I am curious if I'm expecting too much out of people or if others here think this seems out of the norm.

 

[HaoZi]

Has me wondering if he never saw it when her water broke, who cleaned it up? At the least it sounds heavily chauvinistic and squeamish, or else she wants him nowhere near her right now and he's kicking up reasons to cover that. Doesn't sound a normal healthy American marriage to me, but with two divorces take that opinion with some salt.

 

[klmno]

Has me wondering if he never saw it when her water broke, who cleaned it up?

I had those thoughts, too. I'd bet money that he didn't.

He might be a tad squeamish but he's appearing more and more to me like a big baby who bullys others to the point of being emotionally abusive- and it's not just a chauvanistic thing with him. He can get cruel with anyone. There have been a couple of times people will ask about the baby sleeping thru the night or something and he answers "that's his wife's problem". Yet, he clearly is proud of the baby- like a trophy sort of thing. I think he's one of those people that can't bond normally with anyone- even a male friend.

 

[DammitJanet]

Sounds off to me. I think he is going to be one of those people who have a picture on his wall of his kid but couldnt tell you the kids birthdate, friends names or what grade they are in if you gave them a million bucks.

 

[KTMom91]

Miss KT's father, while present in the delivery room, proved himself to be as useless as...well, you know. He did his best to NOT know anything on the subject of pregnancy, delivery, recovery, etc.

Hubby would have been right there 24/7. Too bad we didn't get together during high school; we could have if he hadn't been too nervous to ask me out.

 

[klmno]

Hubby would have been right there 24/7. Too bad we didn't get together during high school; we could have if he hadn't been too nervous to ask me out.

That's so sweet! Give him a pat on the back from a virtual sister in law!

 

[klmno]

I guess it's just me then. I really thought that MH profs, the juvie system, the work environment, and especially marriage, would have progressed far enough to expect more than what was "acceptable" in the early 1960s.

Didn't flower power accomplish anything? Are you telling me I did all those drugs, complained incessantly, and held peace signs up until my hands hurt for NOTHING?? I guess it's a good thing that I didn't burn my bra. LOL!

Mind you, boss claims to be an equal rights advocate, man of the day, defender of women's rights, etc.

 

[HaoZi]

If memory serves, this is same boss we already know is a bit off his rocker to begin with, right?

 

[klmno]

Yes- although that bag of honey (aka the gift bag for the baby/new parents) seemingly has me off the top of his "koi list" for the time being.- not that he likes me now, just that I'm not at the top of the list right now.

 

[hearts and roses]

He sounds strange to me. Not sure whether it's chauvinistic behavior, bonehead, cruel, or just ignorant....but my question is: why would any woman want to have a baby with this insensitive moron?

 

[klmno]

From what I gather from bits and pieces, she was raised in a dysfunctional household with a father simliar to boss and she has her quirks as a result- and she was in her 40's, never had been married or had a baby, and boss came along and they were married and a year later this baby came along. Apparently, they both are the type who think they know everything already so it would do no good to try to tell either of them anything. I feel sure some dr knew she intended to breastfeed and the norm would then be to recommend a lactose specialist for consultation if there's a problem. They are big "natural" people so of course, no consultation with any specialist- they'll let nature take it's course.

 

[HaoZi]

LOL, can't wait to see "nature take its course" when the kid starts rebelling.

 

[keista]

Yet, he clearly is proud of the baby- like a trophy sort of thing.

That sounds exactly it. My husband is similar. 7 bio kids, 3 steps, and supposedly, an illegitimate bio that died two years after we married. He'd always brag about his "even dozen" kids. However, husband did deliver our three, and supposedly his other 4 bios, but I think it was only one of them. Having done that, you'd think he'd be the best dad in the world. Think again. Counting all three kids, he probably changed a total of 100 diapers, and only because it was ABSOLUTELY necessary and I wasn't home.

This guy *says* he's for women's rights only because he knows he's supposed to. If he didn't there'd be evidence that he is sexist if an issue ever arose. Just because it quacks like a duck, doesn't make it a duck.

 

[susiestar]

There will always be those who don't care for others. From the very beginning when you posted about this guy he sounded like a poster child for bullies and abusive people. Maybe his isn't physically abusive to her, other than refusing to actually help care for his own child or her. But he sure is abusive.

I would not stop job hunting until you found another job, because this man is NEVER going to be normal or right. Most guys are not like this, but the ones who are sure are memorable.

No man would have lasted until our child was a month old if he acted like that with me. I don't have the patience.

 

[Liahona]

7+3+1= 11 sorry to burst you husband's bubble keista.

husband is on the spectrum. He hasn't a clue how to treat me or the kids. Guess what he is better than this guy.

 

[keista]

7+3+1= 11 sorry to burst you husband's bubble keista.

You're right! maybe he was trying for the even dozen? I honestly don't remember, it was one of those things that really did irk me enough to stop listening when he started in on it.

I promise you, I truly am an intelligent woman, but he had also told me he was 6ft tall. I never questioned it, but CLEARLY he was much shorter. Seriously, love really is deaf dumb and blind.

 

[donna723]

To me, the man sounds like a complete a**! Not even considering that he is making her and the baby sleep in a separate room, he's a looney for making her do this and she's a looney for putting up with it! I would expect my husband to not only be concerned with my health and any medical problems associated with childbirth, I would expect him to do everything he could to help with the baby and to keep up with the household chores while I was recovering. Does he think that feeding the baby is all there is to it, and since he can't help with that, he gets off scott free? What about changing a diaper once in a while, doing the laundry, going to the grocery store, cooking a meal, doing the dishes, vacuuming, dusting ... all those things she either doesn't have time for or isn't physically up to yet?

Those first few weeks after having a baby are mentally and physically exhausting. And if you have had a C-section it's even worse, especially before the staples are taken out! That's major surgery and to try to recover from it while sleep deprived and taking care of a newborn is very difficult if not impossible without a lot of help. After my daughter was born, I couldn't even get up out of a chair while holding her by myself and I couldn't even bend over the crib far enough to lift her out by myself. You need LOTS of help! Not that my ex was all that helpful - I don't remember him ever getting up at night with either one of them even once, but he did pick up a little of the slack with the house and laundry, as little as he could get by with without inconveniencing himself.

If this guys wife puts up with this, she's an even bigger bonehead than he is

 

[InsaneCdn]

OK. Back off. Just a LITTLE bit.

Separate bedrooms? That was MY choice - for the first 6 weeks or so.
husband sleeps very lightly. He wasn't getting enough sleep, and therefore wasn't in top form to be doing other stuff to help, either.
I can get up, do stuff, and go right back to sleep. I didn't have trouble handling the baby at night.

When I moved to the "baby's room" (we had it set up with a bed anyway, in case of a sick kid), husband got really good sleeps, and mine were no worse than before. As a result... he took over the housework, the shopping, returning phone calls, and so on. About the only things left to me, besides the baby, were cooking (zero clean-up), and non-basic laundry (he did diapers, sheets, towels... ). He even did his own ironing if I remember right (either that or put up with the wrinkles).

The point being... just because you can't see the sense in it, does not mean there isn't any sense in it.

However.
The whole rest of this guy's attitude stinks.
Any hubby who cares knows whether his wife has had the stitches out, and what she had to go to the doctor for... and no, looking after baby isn't just HER problem.

 

[flutterby]

I think he's off and I also think it's very odd that he's telling you this stuff.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

I agree with Heather - the guy is a tad off and it's strange that he would have that conversation with you....