I saw difficult child yesterday and he talked a little about pulling the knife on me and the boy that's in there with him for stabbing his grandmother to death at 14yo. To refresh your memory, that boy was being raised by his grandparents because he had no one else and his grandmother was not an abuser- she loved him very much, was a good parent, and the boy was in therapy. He's not psychotic or schizophrenic(sp). I got that info from checking online news articles about the case, although difficult child doesn't know that I checked out this story after he told me about it. I did though and found it to be true. Anyway, difficult child says the boys sometimes just cries and cries over the whole situation but that he never showed remorse during the trial. I asked difficult child if he thought the boy was really remorseful or if he's just sorry he got caught. (It happened because the boy flipped out when his grandparents were trying to stop him from seeing a specific girl, then the girl broke up with him - a situation that I can see happening in my home as well.) difficult child says he thinks the boy is remorseful but understands when the boy says "what good does crying do, it will never bring her back"? I asked difficult child what the boy said about why it happened and difficult child said he just completely lost it. He says that they have discussed what they each have done and the other boy says he did not black out because he remembers what he did but says that he didn't feel like he had any control of it while it was happening- he said it was like he just lost all control. Then, I ask difficult child if that's how he felt when he pulled the knife on me. difficult child said that he could relate to the boy in the sense that he could not see, hear, or think of anything else than what was on his mind. He said he didn't black out either and just felt so mad that nothing could have interrupted him. But he said his goal was not to hurt me- his goal was to get the cigarettes. Now in a way, I'm glad to hear that he was not having thoughts of hurting me and he obviously wasn't trying to kill me and actually, did not cause physical harm. BUT, what would have happened if I hadn't had any cigarettes to give him? Maybe he didn't felt driven by wanting to kill me, he felt driven by wanting me to give him something. But what is going to happn the next time he wants something that much and the person might not be able to give it to him? Will he kill them? I really don't know if difficult child is any more able to maintain stability than the boy who lost it over a girl and killed the best person he had in his life. I'm sure that boy is sorry for it- his grandfather has since died and he has no one now except a father who's in prison but writing him ever since the grandfather left this boy some life insurance. But since difficult child didn't kill me, I know he can't really be feeling the same feelings that the other boy is. Is this a good sign or bad sign in difficult child? I have heard from a couple of people in Department of Juvenile Justice (staff) that difficult child is good as gold in there, that he loves me and wants to come home. But, he does not seem to get the seriousness of what he did and has not shown remorse- I've been told that and I see the same thing in him. How bad of a sign is that? He's never hurt animals or others- although he's had a few squabbles and fist fights with other kids from about 11yo to 12 yo mostly. He has set a brush fire (he swears accidently) and played with fire. He's been evaluation'd by numerous profs and none felt he was a psychopath. He's a sympathetic and compassionate and sensitive child. He's not autistic but has emotional issues. He takes me for granted a lot and always has. Do you think he's just not able to digest his actions or that some part of him doesn't really care? I'm afraid that difficult child is going to get released and at some point he's going to feel that desparate for something again and he's going to not stop and could kill someone because he'll have it in his mind that he did well incarcerated before (this time) and this other boy can do it and survive so he can too.