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Is this unreasonable??
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 112727" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Witz, that should be tattooed on the foreheads of every man when they marry.</p><p></p><p>I'm lucky, I married a man who was already housetrained. But we still need to communicate effectively, to be on the same page. </p><p></p><p>Susiestar, I suggest that rather than asking your husband to take more time off work, you focus on asking him to step up to the plate. You are too ill, your daughter is too ill so it's now up to the menfolk to show how easy it all is (after all, I suspect that's what he believes - the housework etc is so easy, a woman can do it after just coming out of surgery). Issue this as a challenge, if you have to - "Darling, show me how easy it is."</p><p></p><p>It's also important for sons to be raised with the knowledge of how to fend for themselves domestically. Just last night, I asked BF2 (technically, a lodger) to put on a load of washing. He didn't know how to use the washing machine, so I talked him through it. He was quite willing, he also didn't need to be reminded to hang it up either. He also gets in his own washing.</p><p></p><p>When I've been bedridden and had to rely on the kids to step up, I made a point of being available for advice. My bed became my office. I supervised homework, I telephoned therapists and doctors (I even did a lot of this while still in hospital) and from my bed at home, I talked the kids through cooking a complicated curry. They burned the onion/curry powder mix, but it only improved the flavour.</p><p></p><p>My bedroom became the throne room, the seat of government. Just because I was stuck in bed flat on my back didn't mean I couldn't still run the house - I just delegated, BIG TIME.</p><p></p><p>Lower your standards. If the 'clean' washing has been put next to the litter tray, let them know and suggest the clothes be re-washed, but leave it up to them. If they choose to not re-wash, but instead walk around all day smelling like a cat litter tray and picking bits of vermiculite out of their clothes, then the lesson will be more thoroughly learned.</p><p></p><p>You do need some standards though - food must be safe to eat (ie don't leave it out of the fridge to decay) and the path to the bathroom must be safe for you to walk. You need a balanced, healthy diet. So do the kids.</p><p></p><p>A man who has not been domesticated needs a list. A small chalkboard is good. A daily routine pinned to the wall is good. We even use timer warnings on the computer calendar.</p><p></p><p>If he can do this while not taking time off work, then that is good. While being at work, he will be in "work ethic" mode and it's easier to swing in to evening duties.</p><p></p><p>Something I learned, back in the days of being a full-time working mother - as much as I wanted to sit down for a few minutes after I walked in the door, I would get a much better rest if I got the kids' needs met first. because once you sit down and kick off your shoes, it's VERY hard to get out of that chair. I learned to just keep going until the kids were fed, bathed and in bed. I might desperately want a stiff drink after the day I had, but trying to deal with the kids at the same time was NOT a good idea. I needed all my energy and wits to handle them.</p><p></p><p>I worked out my own routine. He needs to do so as well - work it out for himself. let him find his own recipes which provide the required nourishment for the required ease of preparation and cost what he is willing to pay.</p><p></p><p>And for all of you who have kids wanting to move out of home and chafing at the restrictions you have - give them the same treatment. Hand over household responsibility for a week. Maybe only part of it - all the household food for a week, for example (which includes budgeting and shopping). Or all the laundry. I developed my own methods which means I no longer use an iron. I take a little longer to hang out the washing and to bring it in, but the end result is sorted, folded, tidy washing with a minimum of effort.</p><p></p><p>Good luck. </p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 112727, member: 1991"] Witz, that should be tattooed on the foreheads of every man when they marry. I'm lucky, I married a man who was already housetrained. But we still need to communicate effectively, to be on the same page. Susiestar, I suggest that rather than asking your husband to take more time off work, you focus on asking him to step up to the plate. You are too ill, your daughter is too ill so it's now up to the menfolk to show how easy it all is (after all, I suspect that's what he believes - the housework etc is so easy, a woman can do it after just coming out of surgery). Issue this as a challenge, if you have to - "Darling, show me how easy it is." It's also important for sons to be raised with the knowledge of how to fend for themselves domestically. Just last night, I asked BF2 (technically, a lodger) to put on a load of washing. He didn't know how to use the washing machine, so I talked him through it. He was quite willing, he also didn't need to be reminded to hang it up either. He also gets in his own washing. When I've been bedridden and had to rely on the kids to step up, I made a point of being available for advice. My bed became my office. I supervised homework, I telephoned therapists and doctors (I even did a lot of this while still in hospital) and from my bed at home, I talked the kids through cooking a complicated curry. They burned the onion/curry powder mix, but it only improved the flavour. My bedroom became the throne room, the seat of government. Just because I was stuck in bed flat on my back didn't mean I couldn't still run the house - I just delegated, BIG TIME. Lower your standards. If the 'clean' washing has been put next to the litter tray, let them know and suggest the clothes be re-washed, but leave it up to them. If they choose to not re-wash, but instead walk around all day smelling like a cat litter tray and picking bits of vermiculite out of their clothes, then the lesson will be more thoroughly learned. You do need some standards though - food must be safe to eat (ie don't leave it out of the fridge to decay) and the path to the bathroom must be safe for you to walk. You need a balanced, healthy diet. So do the kids. A man who has not been domesticated needs a list. A small chalkboard is good. A daily routine pinned to the wall is good. We even use timer warnings on the computer calendar. If he can do this while not taking time off work, then that is good. While being at work, he will be in "work ethic" mode and it's easier to swing in to evening duties. Something I learned, back in the days of being a full-time working mother - as much as I wanted to sit down for a few minutes after I walked in the door, I would get a much better rest if I got the kids' needs met first. because once you sit down and kick off your shoes, it's VERY hard to get out of that chair. I learned to just keep going until the kids were fed, bathed and in bed. I might desperately want a stiff drink after the day I had, but trying to deal with the kids at the same time was NOT a good idea. I needed all my energy and wits to handle them. I worked out my own routine. He needs to do so as well - work it out for himself. let him find his own recipes which provide the required nourishment for the required ease of preparation and cost what he is willing to pay. And for all of you who have kids wanting to move out of home and chafing at the restrictions you have - give them the same treatment. Hand over household responsibility for a week. Maybe only part of it - all the household food for a week, for example (which includes budgeting and shopping). Or all the laundry. I developed my own methods which means I no longer use an iron. I take a little longer to hang out the washing and to bring it in, but the end result is sorted, folded, tidy washing with a minimum of effort. Good luck. Marg [/QUOTE]
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