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is wondering if I should change
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<blockquote data-quote="seriously" data-source="post: 438766" data-attributes="member: 11920"><p>You're right - it's more realistic at elementary level and gets progressively more difficult depending on the situation. My daughter's high school principal has been known to show up unannounced in the bedroom of a kid with chronic tardiness to inquire why he/she isn't at school. But I am certain that is the exception not the rule in high school.</p><p></p><p>We have just endured a year of school refusal with difficult child 2. As you may have gathered from my other posts, we have had to tread lightly with him about getting him awake and to school or risk a violent confrontation.</p><p></p><p>I won't do the cleaning - partly because it makes him ballistic. Instead he just can't do other things that he wants to do until it is done and inspected. and inspected. and inspected...</p><p></p><p>I won't play the "I don't know how you want it" game. I told my kid - you know what clean looks like. You know what it looks like when the clothes are in the drawers and not on the floor. You know what it looks like when the trash's picked up, etc. That's what it means and I will not argue with him over stuff. I just say - NO not done. If he has made a good effort and I think he just needs his elbow jogged to take out a couple dishes or empty the trash I will tell him that. otherwise I do not play the "you said to pick up my clothes. you didn't say I had to pick up the trash too" game that is sooo very amusing to him I'm sure.</p><p></p><p>With high school - you kind of have to take the same approach if you can and adapt it a little. One thing that's in our favor - my kid likes to go to school and is motivated to get good grades. He is not a "truant" kid. But he had been out due to illness for almost a quarter and I think it just was all too overwhelming for him along with some other physical health issues.</p><p></p><p>If your kid wants to do well you can probably make things work out somehow. if he doesn't - well you are probably looking at a kid who is not going to graduate.</p><p></p><p>I have a policy that I tell the school everything about what's going on with my kid. I tell them when he's been arrested. I tell them when he's been hospitalized. I tell them when we've called the cops. I tell them when he's sick or when he's refusing to go because he's tired or when he's coming but is probably going to fall asleep on them.</p><p></p><p>They are probably sick of me telling them everything. E-mails, phone calls, faxes.</p><p></p><p>For a long time they took the "there must be something wrong at home" position since my son was 'perfect" at school. But when they wouldn't listen to me and get a more supportive placement going he simply stopped coming to school for more than a couple hours a day.</p><p></p><p>Then he had to work one-on-one with the Special Education resource teacher for weeks while we all tried to figure out what to do. That's what it really took I think. I don't think he'd be in the ED classroom yet if she hadn't been willing to tell the school psychiatric that his behavior was bizarre, unpredictable and even incoherent at times.</p><p></p><p>You have to press the school to respond is the bottom line. They cannot simply make it your problem. do not let them do that. It is their responsibility to educate your child - with your help and support. If he won't go then there should be an IEP meeting to work on changes to his services/placement to try to get him to school or school to him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="seriously, post: 438766, member: 11920"] You're right - it's more realistic at elementary level and gets progressively more difficult depending on the situation. My daughter's high school principal has been known to show up unannounced in the bedroom of a kid with chronic tardiness to inquire why he/she isn't at school. But I am certain that is the exception not the rule in high school. We have just endured a year of school refusal with difficult child 2. As you may have gathered from my other posts, we have had to tread lightly with him about getting him awake and to school or risk a violent confrontation. I won't do the cleaning - partly because it makes him ballistic. Instead he just can't do other things that he wants to do until it is done and inspected. and inspected. and inspected... I won't play the "I don't know how you want it" game. I told my kid - you know what clean looks like. You know what it looks like when the clothes are in the drawers and not on the floor. You know what it looks like when the trash's picked up, etc. That's what it means and I will not argue with him over stuff. I just say - NO not done. If he has made a good effort and I think he just needs his elbow jogged to take out a couple dishes or empty the trash I will tell him that. otherwise I do not play the "you said to pick up my clothes. you didn't say I had to pick up the trash too" game that is sooo very amusing to him I'm sure. With high school - you kind of have to take the same approach if you can and adapt it a little. One thing that's in our favor - my kid likes to go to school and is motivated to get good grades. He is not a "truant" kid. But he had been out due to illness for almost a quarter and I think it just was all too overwhelming for him along with some other physical health issues. If your kid wants to do well you can probably make things work out somehow. if he doesn't - well you are probably looking at a kid who is not going to graduate. I have a policy that I tell the school everything about what's going on with my kid. I tell them when he's been arrested. I tell them when he's been hospitalized. I tell them when we've called the cops. I tell them when he's sick or when he's refusing to go because he's tired or when he's coming but is probably going to fall asleep on them. They are probably sick of me telling them everything. E-mails, phone calls, faxes. For a long time they took the "there must be something wrong at home" position since my son was 'perfect" at school. But when they wouldn't listen to me and get a more supportive placement going he simply stopped coming to school for more than a couple hours a day. Then he had to work one-on-one with the Special Education resource teacher for weeks while we all tried to figure out what to do. That's what it really took I think. I don't think he'd be in the ED classroom yet if she hadn't been willing to tell the school psychiatric that his behavior was bizarre, unpredictable and even incoherent at times. You have to press the school to respond is the bottom line. They cannot simply make it your problem. do not let them do that. It is their responsibility to educate your child - with your help and support. If he won't go then there should be an IEP meeting to work on changes to his services/placement to try to get him to school or school to him. [/QUOTE]
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