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It all fell apart...
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 738417" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Ksm. I am sorry this is happening. Again.</p><p>I agree with RN.</p><p></p><p>However horrible is this man, it is she who is putting herself into the situation to be abused and manipulated by him. Our children, yes, have their limits. But there is danger in the world too. And they are responsible to learn to recognize that danger and to protect themselves from predators.</p><p></p><p>She cannot be absolved from that responsibility. Because she will be forever vulnerable. For her, like for everybody, there are things that can be done. And you cannot be forever responsible. She must assume some of that. And she seems to not be ready.</p><p></p><p>That is very, very hard. That is the situation in which I find myself. My son is more than a decade older than is your daughter. And I was unable to accept until recently the words I write here: that I cannot appropriately and effectively protect him from his life. That that has to come from him. Or not. And to keep trying to do this for him, leads to a state where I am consumed, my energy is consumed, my resources are consumed...and in time...my identity is consumed. And that this is a choice.</p><p></p><p>It took me to the brink of disaster (my own) to recognize that THERE IS NOT ONE THING I CAN DO. And I cannot make him want for himself, what I want for him. It is my want to deal with.</p><p></p><p>That I was always there for my son to make pit stops, when low on food, without housing, rejected by friends no longer willing to deal with him...did not help him. Forcing him into treatment he did not want...making conditions he ignored...once he was out of sight....I was acting from my want and need. Not his.</p><p></p><p>What I am saying here is that this man is a bad man, changes not one thing. She is the one who is ultimately making the choices. And if her choice is to not exert any responsibility over who she is with and who will hurt her, and how--that is a choice.</p><p></p><p>I do not know the answer. Because we seem to need to engage with them, until we no longer can anymore. Due to health, despair, acute danger, depletion of resources, whatever. We stop.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 738417, member: 18958"] Ksm. I am sorry this is happening. Again. I agree with RN. However horrible is this man, it is she who is putting herself into the situation to be abused and manipulated by him. Our children, yes, have their limits. But there is danger in the world too. And they are responsible to learn to recognize that danger and to protect themselves from predators. She cannot be absolved from that responsibility. Because she will be forever vulnerable. For her, like for everybody, there are things that can be done. And you cannot be forever responsible. She must assume some of that. And she seems to not be ready. That is very, very hard. That is the situation in which I find myself. My son is more than a decade older than is your daughter. And I was unable to accept until recently the words I write here: that I cannot appropriately and effectively protect him from his life. That that has to come from him. Or not. And to keep trying to do this for him, leads to a state where I am consumed, my energy is consumed, my resources are consumed...and in time...my identity is consumed. And that this is a choice. It took me to the brink of disaster (my own) to recognize that THERE IS NOT ONE THING I CAN DO. And I cannot make him want for himself, what I want for him. It is my want to deal with. That I was always there for my son to make pit stops, when low on food, without housing, rejected by friends no longer willing to deal with him...did not help him. Forcing him into treatment he did not want...making conditions he ignored...once he was out of sight....I was acting from my want and need. Not his. What I am saying here is that this man is a bad man, changes not one thing. She is the one who is ultimately making the choices. And if her choice is to not exert any responsibility over who she is with and who will hurt her, and how--that is a choice. I do not know the answer. Because we seem to need to engage with them, until we no longer can anymore. Due to health, despair, acute danger, depletion of resources, whatever. We stop. [/QUOTE]
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