It feels like it will never get better

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by HangingByAThread, Dec 26, 2006.

  1. HangingByAThread

    HangingByAThread New Member

    I have found out that my Son has ADHD and ODD for about 5 or 6 months now and I feel like things get better for a little bit then he will do something like cut up my sheets and bed I just don't get when it gets better what I would love to wake up in the morning and feel good about seeing him and not fear what I am going to have to put up with that day I don't even get a break as soon as my feet hit the ground I am running *After him* he has started a rehabilitation this through mental health and then they work with him at school and he meets with someone 3 times a week and is taking adderall XR 10 mg 2 times a day now I am meeting with someone and I feel like I have to much going on and that maybe this is not all good for him but then again may be it's just what he needs something to keep him going maybe it's just to much for me because all I want to do is sleep nap time is not just for kids anymore I just want to see something anything that is going to show me that it's going to be good in the long run and I am going to have a kids that is going to do something good in this world kinda like the light at the end of the tunnel just something...........:hammer:
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Adderrall can cause aggression. It did in my son, and he is mild-tempered. ADHD was the wrong diagnosis. for him and stims made him worse. He actually has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified. The first diagnosis is usually just a "working diagnosis" or a guess. And Adderrall is not MY personal favorite medication--nor are any stims, although I suppose some kids need them. You may want to get him a multi-disciplinary evaluation to see if it could be something other than ADHD/ODD. Cutting sheets and stabbing furniture with knives is a little extreme for ADHD. Here's an online test you can give your child and here are a few links to other disorders--the more you know, the more empowered you are. Don't assume that your professional got it right the first time and, if your child isn't improving, move on. That's what we had to do until we finally got it right. Look at your own family tree to guide you. Do you see mood disorders or sustance abuse? Neurological issues? Your answers are usually close to home.

    www.childbrain.com/pddassess.html (test for Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in kids)
     
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Hanging-
    This is not a sprint, it's a marathon. You have to find a way to pace yourself. Also, you sound like you may be depressed. There's no shame in that when you face what you do everyday. You might consider talking to your doctor about a depression screening. I'll tell ya, there were some days that the only thing that saved this family was that my Duckie had an early bedtime and I could regain my equilibrium before going to bed myself.
    MWM has given some excellent links, I'd like to add one more:
    http://www.adhdnews.com/bipolar.htm
    We don't diagnose here, we're just parents with difficult kids too. But it isn't uncommon for a young child to receive a misdiagnose because so many symptoms can overlap between conditions. Take a look at the links and talk to your doctor about further evaluation if you feel it may be warranted.
     
  4. amy4129

    amy4129 New Member

    I'm so sad to read your post..it brought back some very sad,scary, frustrating times to mind.
    Corey destroyed everything in his path, cut up my slippers, clothes, my sterling locket he bit.
    It was constant and overwhelming. I can't tell you he is cured but he is much better. We love the combination of medications he is on.
    The other thing we did on therapy recomendation was praise everything good and say nothing about the misdeeds. If it was a sfety issue we would just deal with matter of fact and move on. It is hard and draining because some days the only thing he would do well is get out of bed. It has gotten easier..most days.
    We also locked up SHARP- all scissors, knifes, blades, wine opener...everything sharp we could think of.
    Hugs
    Amy
     
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi there.

    I agree with the others but I also have some questions because I have raised both a totally typical ADHD kid and a bipolar kid.

    Is your son cutting things up and hell bent on destruction because he is so hyper and impulsive that he isnt thinking things through clearly or is he deliberately destroying items because he is mad and wants revenge?

    When my ADHD kid was 5 he could easily destroy things but it was because he just didnt think. For example, he was tossing a ball in the house and it never occurred to him that throwing it up in the air meant it could, and most probably would, hit something and break it. Kicking a ball in the house can lead to broken windows. Rough housing can lead to holes in the walls.

    None of these things was done with malice or forethought. They were simply the after effects of him being impulsive.

    Now his brother could destroy property in a meltdown because he was mad. He would hit things or break them because he wanted to. Big difference.

    The results can be the same but the methods of handling the behavior are different.
     
  6. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    You poor dear! I see in your profile you're an at home mom with a young difficult child and a 2 year old and a husband that is gone much of the time. Honestly that often is a recipe for one very depressed mother, especially with the holiday stress added in. I know that the obvious answer is that if your difficult child were only stable then things would ease up for you but there is no guarantee on the timing or degree of progress in a young difficult child--most do start to improve once you find the right interventions and/or medications but in the mean time it's important to take care of YOU. If you want to spend all your time in bed (Been there, done that) then it's time to get help.

    Many of our moms here have turned to counseling and often antidepressant medications even without a toddler and an absentee father. Does the coast guard have any family supports available? Are you getting a break from your 2 year old during the day and doing something just for you--lunch with a friend, library, working out--anything for mom and not just life revolving around kids? When children are very unstable it's a huge stress on a family and not many parents can handle it without extra support.

    My difficult child was one of those kids who couldn't handle a lot of extra appointments on his plate, but sometimes I was just as bad. I just wanted to mention that as you weigh whether this is all helping.

    This was a tough period when my difficult child was young. I was overwhelmed a lot of the time but things did improve.
     
  7. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I think that the others have all given you excellent advice. I really can't think of much more to add. Your post made me so sad that I just had to let you know that I understand how you feel... difficult children make life a living H#LL!!! Hang in there... Hoping you're feeling better soon... WFEN
     
  8. transformtriumph

    transformtriumph New Member

    I have to repeat my mantra: Respite, respite, respite. It should be an integral part of every child's program. Parents need to have regular time without kids. They need a safe place to leave their kids. It is vital for the parents.
    Hang on! All the wonderful things you are doing for your child are worth it. It is hard when you don't see consistent progress. Do you belong to any support groups in person? Or is there another mother with a challenging child you speak to on the phone?
     
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