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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 376345" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Well, the good news is that if he gets married he is a legal adult and you can get him out of the house immediately and you owe him NO further support of any kind, including not having to let him take any of YOUR possessions like furniture, game systems, etc...</p><p> </p><p>I wondered if the promises of good grades, job, chores if I can just see my friends and have my cell wasn't the first part of some plan to fool you. You gave him at least a day's chance on that promise.</p><p> </p><p>Do you WANT him to live at home?</p><p> </p><p>There is little you can do if he is determined to do drugs, to be with this girl, to have sex, etc... From what others post, even having a PO isn't much help. the POs usually give them a LOT of chances before they even take them in front of a judge to see if they can put them into juvie for a while. Largely because nobody has the $$ to fund it, and it isn't helpful if the teen is determined to do this koi anyway. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Take time to stop and THINK. what are you still willing to do for him, given what he seems to want for himself (life of drugs, easy sex and partying)? Are you willing to continue to let him drive a vehicle you pay for? To pay for his insurance? If not, disable the car that is for his use, be very clear that you will report it stolen (if you will follow through), and make plans to sell the car or store it off-site if you want to keep it for a younger sibling or in case you need it at some point. Be SURE to ask if a cop will bring a drug dog to search it for you. Explain that it is your teen's car and has been taken away because the teen is using drugs, and you want to be SURE there are no drugs in it before you try to drive it, store it or sell it. Even a SEED of marijuana will get you charged. It is best to be proactive and to have all drug charges stay with your son.</p><p> </p><p>fwiw, if you want to store it and have a clear title, consider pawning it for a few hundred dollars. They will store it for 3 mos, keep it in the shape you turned it over, and you will pay about 10% per month, so if you pawn it for $200 that is 20 per month, cheaper than any secured storage I know of!!! You can be SURE that your difficult child will NOT be able to get it either, at least not as long as you hang on to the pawn ticket. If he can find the pawn ticket he CAN get it, so don't store it at home!!! Of course it still won't be in his name, so you can still file theft charges if he takes it.</p><p> </p><p>Much of what he wants to do the cops are not going to get too upset about other than the drugs and any theft you report. He is almost 18 and your control is already much less than it was even a year ago. The ONLY way he will not have sex or use drugs is if HE makes the choice. It is your job to make those choices as unpleasant as possible by removing any possible nice/fun things and possessions that you provide over and above the bare minimum required by law. Sadly if he chooses to go live elsewhere you may be able to get cops to file charges against the adult there (I would sure try if it allowed drugs or was otherwise unsafe) but even that may take a huge amt of effort on your part.</p><p> </p><p>He is almost an adult and there are actually states that will allow him to move out if he wants, you just cannot kick him out. If he chooses to move out you do NOT have to give him any kind of support, from what I know. Be sure to check that.</p><p> </p><p>Is coming down super hard going to mean you never have a good relationship as an adult? I cannot say. My kids would be shocked and likely feel neglected if they tried those things and I didn't, but I have always told them to expect it and at this point they are all pcs. Your difficult child has to find his bottom and learn how hard the world really is with-o you to pave the way for him.</p><p> </p><p>(((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 376345, member: 1233"] Well, the good news is that if he gets married he is a legal adult and you can get him out of the house immediately and you owe him NO further support of any kind, including not having to let him take any of YOUR possessions like furniture, game systems, etc... I wondered if the promises of good grades, job, chores if I can just see my friends and have my cell wasn't the first part of some plan to fool you. You gave him at least a day's chance on that promise. Do you WANT him to live at home? There is little you can do if he is determined to do drugs, to be with this girl, to have sex, etc... From what others post, even having a PO isn't much help. the POs usually give them a LOT of chances before they even take them in front of a judge to see if they can put them into juvie for a while. Largely because nobody has the $$ to fund it, and it isn't helpful if the teen is determined to do this koi anyway. Take time to stop and THINK. what are you still willing to do for him, given what he seems to want for himself (life of drugs, easy sex and partying)? Are you willing to continue to let him drive a vehicle you pay for? To pay for his insurance? If not, disable the car that is for his use, be very clear that you will report it stolen (if you will follow through), and make plans to sell the car or store it off-site if you want to keep it for a younger sibling or in case you need it at some point. Be SURE to ask if a cop will bring a drug dog to search it for you. Explain that it is your teen's car and has been taken away because the teen is using drugs, and you want to be SURE there are no drugs in it before you try to drive it, store it or sell it. Even a SEED of marijuana will get you charged. It is best to be proactive and to have all drug charges stay with your son. fwiw, if you want to store it and have a clear title, consider pawning it for a few hundred dollars. They will store it for 3 mos, keep it in the shape you turned it over, and you will pay about 10% per month, so if you pawn it for $200 that is 20 per month, cheaper than any secured storage I know of!!! You can be SURE that your difficult child will NOT be able to get it either, at least not as long as you hang on to the pawn ticket. If he can find the pawn ticket he CAN get it, so don't store it at home!!! Of course it still won't be in his name, so you can still file theft charges if he takes it. Much of what he wants to do the cops are not going to get too upset about other than the drugs and any theft you report. He is almost 18 and your control is already much less than it was even a year ago. The ONLY way he will not have sex or use drugs is if HE makes the choice. It is your job to make those choices as unpleasant as possible by removing any possible nice/fun things and possessions that you provide over and above the bare minimum required by law. Sadly if he chooses to go live elsewhere you may be able to get cops to file charges against the adult there (I would sure try if it allowed drugs or was otherwise unsafe) but even that may take a huge amt of effort on your part. He is almost an adult and there are actually states that will allow him to move out if he wants, you just cannot kick him out. If he chooses to move out you do NOT have to give him any kind of support, from what I know. Be sure to check that. Is coming down super hard going to mean you never have a good relationship as an adult? I cannot say. My kids would be shocked and likely feel neglected if they tried those things and I didn't, but I have always told them to expect it and at this point they are all pcs. Your difficult child has to find his bottom and learn how hard the world really is with-o you to pave the way for him. (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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