BusynMember
Well-Known Member
So son woke me up this morning with a phone call and during the talk, in which I thought he was going to be civil, he told me that I can never, never, never, never even insinuate that it's ok if he doesn't get the same custody that he has now. I'm not allowed to say ANYTHING that is not 100% on his side. I don't even know what that means, but he was talking about it like a warning. This (him talking) is such a serious issue that I have to be 100% in his corner or not there at all.
I have to admit, it's effective. He knows that because he knows what Scott did. But you know what? Half the time I don't even know what he considers 100% in his corner. I have spent hours on the internet studying Missouri custody law. I have talked to him five times or more a day when he was at his worse, ignoring my hub and other kids for him because I know how much he loves J. (and needs him...maybe it's not even good that he feels J. is his life). I don't dare say that though. I have even (laugh now) gone on Match.com for him to answer ads so he can find a girlfriend. I'm quite good at it. He probably gets a lot more responses than most guys! I am, after all, a writer. I kind of enjoy doing it, but you know what? I have given him more than all the other kids combined, which is often how it gets with difficult children, doesn't it? We go to ridiculous lengths to try to make them ok. And then t hey threten us and berate us. Of course, if I held the pursestrings, rather than dad, he would never say anything negative to me because he depends on dad's money for this lawsuit. So as heartbroken as I am, I have had it. I shouldn't be afraid that my own child will cut me off because I say something that I can't even guess is against what he wants to hear. I am in tears this morning. But I can't let it get to me this way. j
Funny. There is no narc-anon or Al-anon for a difficult child who treats you like crapola but it's not because of drug use. I wish t here were. I would like to go to a group called "A****hole grown kids Anonymous. I'd like to brainstorm with others who have kids who are not substance abusing but are just A****holes.
I don't think there is anything left to do except not to be there anymore. I have never cut off a kid, and won't do it now, but I just can't be there for him. And you know what? Because his issues are somewhat similar to drinking difficult children (and perhaps he DOES drink too much) I'm going to find an Al-Anon meeting because I think the parents there will have as many similar issues to me as anyone else. I can tell the parents the truth and just sit and listen rather than talk a lot...they will probably believe MY problems aren't serious because at least he's not an alcoholic (at least I don't think he is. He DOES drink every day). My guess he is a functioning alcoholic because he does work and do what needs to be done and does not wake up in some stranger's bathroom or on a park bench. And he doesn't SOUND drunk, whatever that means. At any rate, I can't do this alone in real time anymore and my therapist is just not enough. I need other parents, aside from all you great folks...I need face-to-face support.
I am close to falling apart. I'm going to look up Al-Anon groups and hope there is one today. Does drinking every day make one an alcoholic? If so, I'll feel more at home in the group. but I'm serious. He drinks every day. Plus he takes Xanax for his nerves. Now neither is why he is an A****hole. He was always one. But it can't help. He needs a different type of medication. And he won't take it because an SSRI, say, affects his sex life...blahhhhhhhhhhhh. I like Al-Anon idea. I"m going to look right now. Thanks, friends. Love you all.
Pam
I have to admit, it's effective. He knows that because he knows what Scott did. But you know what? Half the time I don't even know what he considers 100% in his corner. I have spent hours on the internet studying Missouri custody law. I have talked to him five times or more a day when he was at his worse, ignoring my hub and other kids for him because I know how much he loves J. (and needs him...maybe it's not even good that he feels J. is his life). I don't dare say that though. I have even (laugh now) gone on Match.com for him to answer ads so he can find a girlfriend. I'm quite good at it. He probably gets a lot more responses than most guys! I am, after all, a writer. I kind of enjoy doing it, but you know what? I have given him more than all the other kids combined, which is often how it gets with difficult children, doesn't it? We go to ridiculous lengths to try to make them ok. And then t hey threten us and berate us. Of course, if I held the pursestrings, rather than dad, he would never say anything negative to me because he depends on dad's money for this lawsuit. So as heartbroken as I am, I have had it. I shouldn't be afraid that my own child will cut me off because I say something that I can't even guess is against what he wants to hear. I am in tears this morning. But I can't let it get to me this way. j
Funny. There is no narc-anon or Al-anon for a difficult child who treats you like crapola but it's not because of drug use. I wish t here were. I would like to go to a group called "A****hole grown kids Anonymous. I'd like to brainstorm with others who have kids who are not substance abusing but are just A****holes.
I don't think there is anything left to do except not to be there anymore. I have never cut off a kid, and won't do it now, but I just can't be there for him. And you know what? Because his issues are somewhat similar to drinking difficult children (and perhaps he DOES drink too much) I'm going to find an Al-Anon meeting because I think the parents there will have as many similar issues to me as anyone else. I can tell the parents the truth and just sit and listen rather than talk a lot...they will probably believe MY problems aren't serious because at least he's not an alcoholic (at least I don't think he is. He DOES drink every day). My guess he is a functioning alcoholic because he does work and do what needs to be done and does not wake up in some stranger's bathroom or on a park bench. And he doesn't SOUND drunk, whatever that means. At any rate, I can't do this alone in real time anymore and my therapist is just not enough. I need other parents, aside from all you great folks...I need face-to-face support.
I am close to falling apart. I'm going to look up Al-Anon groups and hope there is one today. Does drinking every day make one an alcoholic? If so, I'll feel more at home in the group. but I'm serious. He drinks every day. Plus he takes Xanax for his nerves. Now neither is why he is an A****hole. He was always one. But it can't help. He needs a different type of medication. And he won't take it because an SSRI, say, affects his sex life...blahhhhhhhhhhhh. I like Al-Anon idea. I"m going to look right now. Thanks, friends. Love you all.
Pam