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It happened and I'm devistated
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<blockquote data-quote="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo" data-source="post: 451869" data-attributes="member: 12241"><p>Hi Nellie,</p><p></p><p>so the worst has pretty much happened that you were anticipating when you posted the first time around. There is money missing - not just the $50 or $100 small change, but considerably more. Your credit cards are gone [you did notify the companies and got them cancelled, right?]. She hawked off some power equipment for meth or owing her supplier. She may have sold your address, her housekey, the floor plan and your and your husbands daily work schedule, and god knows what other important information to the highest bidder [supplier]. She may have compromised your financial future [identity theft anyone?]. And she did take off hanging out with friends and using again.</p><p></p><p><strong>And you are worried about what? Having her arrested? Ruining her future with a felony charge? Not having provided her with the best you could and guidance to booth?</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>Are you also worried about your personal safety?</strong> Have you changed all of your locks, deadbolts, alarm system codes, etc yet? Do you sleep well or are you worrying about waking up in the middle of the night with a shotgun held to your head? Are you scared to come home after work because you think someone might be in your house?</p><p><strong>Are you worried about upcoming credit charges to your cards?</strong> Have you contacted the issuers and reported them stolen?</p><p><strong>Are you worried about your financial future? </strong>Have you checked your checkbooks? Counted all the checks in the unused booklets? Found all of your ATM cards? Did you check your jewelry? Your safe deposit box? Did you change all passwords online - not just your banking ones - all of them???</p><p><strong>Are you worried yet about your credit rating and your retirement?</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p></p><p>Nellie - that train has long gone and Elvis has left the building. There is <strong>NOTHING </strong>you can do to help her, other than to let things run its course and maybe push it along a bit to speed it up. She is 30 and not 13. You have given her chance after chance after chance. Are you going to give her your retirement, your house, your life or your husbands life [or any sibs that may still be at home] too? Are you putting your marriage at risk with the stress she is giving you guys? Are you going to throw more good money after bad in trying to bail her out once more and trying to help her? You might as well set up a charge account with her preferred dealer, and have him invoice you every time she buys. <strong>You are NOT HELPING her at all right now!!!!</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>Let her go down, get her charged and committed, go straight to jail, do not pay $200 [or however much bail will be] to get her back out. Leave her there. Do not pay for her attorney! </strong>Give her a chance to dry out a bit, and possibly get her into treatment via court order. Do not offer to pay for her treatment - she does not mean it right now! She needs to do this on her own, willingly and no matter how hard it is, you cannot do it for her. Save the money you think you want to spend on treatment and set it aside for the event that she actually does recover, stays dry and help her with a new start then - but not now. You have done your thing, and yet she preys on you and her family. Will you babysit and coddle her until she is 35? 40? 50? Are you going to give up your [hopefully comfortable future] retirement to support her habit? What happens when you and your husband finally pass on when she is in her 50 or 60ies? [Assuming the stress or worse her + her dealer won't help you along sooner?] who will take care of her then? Oh yeah = her inheritance? How long do you think a junkie can make that last? </p><p></p><p>Wake up Nellie, take care of the rest of your family, and finally set her free to learn about making choices and the consequences that come with bad choices. What does your husband say???</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo, post: 451869, member: 12241"] Hi Nellie, so the worst has pretty much happened that you were anticipating when you posted the first time around. There is money missing - not just the $50 or $100 small change, but considerably more. Your credit cards are gone [you did notify the companies and got them cancelled, right?]. She hawked off some power equipment for meth or owing her supplier. She may have sold your address, her housekey, the floor plan and your and your husbands daily work schedule, and god knows what other important information to the highest bidder [supplier]. She may have compromised your financial future [identity theft anyone?]. And she did take off hanging out with friends and using again. [B]And you are worried about what? Having her arrested? Ruining her future with a felony charge? Not having provided her with the best you could and guidance to booth? [/B] [B]Are you also worried about your personal safety?[/B] Have you changed all of your locks, deadbolts, alarm system codes, etc yet? Do you sleep well or are you worrying about waking up in the middle of the night with a shotgun held to your head? Are you scared to come home after work because you think someone might be in your house? [B]Are you worried about upcoming credit charges to your cards?[/B] Have you contacted the issuers and reported them stolen? [B]Are you worried about your financial future? [/B]Have you checked your checkbooks? Counted all the checks in the unused booklets? Found all of your ATM cards? Did you check your jewelry? Your safe deposit box? Did you change all passwords online - not just your banking ones - all of them??? [B]Are you worried yet about your credit rating and your retirement? [/B] Nellie - that train has long gone and Elvis has left the building. There is [B]NOTHING [/B]you can do to help her, other than to let things run its course and maybe push it along a bit to speed it up. She is 30 and not 13. You have given her chance after chance after chance. Are you going to give her your retirement, your house, your life or your husbands life [or any sibs that may still be at home] too? Are you putting your marriage at risk with the stress she is giving you guys? Are you going to throw more good money after bad in trying to bail her out once more and trying to help her? You might as well set up a charge account with her preferred dealer, and have him invoice you every time she buys. [B]You are NOT HELPING her at all right now!!!! Let her go down, get her charged and committed, go straight to jail, do not pay $200 [or however much bail will be] to get her back out. Leave her there. Do not pay for her attorney! [/B]Give her a chance to dry out a bit, and possibly get her into treatment via court order. Do not offer to pay for her treatment - she does not mean it right now! She needs to do this on her own, willingly and no matter how hard it is, you cannot do it for her. Save the money you think you want to spend on treatment and set it aside for the event that she actually does recover, stays dry and help her with a new start then - but not now. You have done your thing, and yet she preys on you and her family. Will you babysit and coddle her until she is 35? 40? 50? Are you going to give up your [hopefully comfortable future] retirement to support her habit? What happens when you and your husband finally pass on when she is in her 50 or 60ies? [Assuming the stress or worse her + her dealer won't help you along sooner?] who will take care of her then? Oh yeah = her inheritance? How long do you think a junkie can make that last? Wake up Nellie, take care of the rest of your family, and finally set her free to learn about making choices and the consequences that come with bad choices. What does your husband say??? [/QUOTE]
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