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<blockquote data-quote="orcaauntie" data-source="post: 460830" data-attributes="member: 12721"><p>You've described the difference between my sister and I perfectly. I never followed my friend's mistakes. Well, I can't say that because yes, I did do some things that I wasn't supposed to but I didn't get drunk, smoke, do drugs, sneak out, party, have sex, etc. When my "friends" started doing that- I found new ones. Same thing with my Mom when she was growing up. She found new friends because her old "friends" were engaging in things she didn't agree with. I guess my sister got a different set of genes. My sister- Niece's Mom of course- had so many issues in her teen years I wouldn't know where to begin. Well I can say (I think I've said it before on here), it involved sex (beginning at 12), alcohol, partying, sneaking out, physical and verbal abuse against my parents, etc. She blames THEM for her problems, just as she is blaming THEM for my niece's problems now. Just the other day she called me to "confirm" something and she blamed my parents for my niece's attitude and disobedience. She actually said she doesn't want her in that environment. It's not the environment! There are rules. My parents are trying to enforce rules. Just because the kid can't take it upon herself to obey a rule doesn't make it a "bad" environment. But my sister apparently "knows" that my niece is "exactly" like her. Maybe so, and if so, we're in for an exhausting, emotionally draining ride. The difference between my sister and my niece is that my mom has no plan of "giving in" like she did with my sister. And my niece is in counseling and medication. I really think she needs a bi-polar medication.. this could really be THE KEY to stopping (at least reducing) the self destructive behaviors if she IS anything like her Biomom. Sorry for the semi-rant! </p><p></p><p> You are completely right. She IS choosing high risk kids and obviously has an issue saying "no" (except to my Mom of course!). The ones that aren't "high risk", she calls "preppy", or "gay". We've seen in her messages where she's told a boy she doesn't want "F***-Buddies, but wants a relationship. Then she is making plans to meet him in the woods... but then she got her period (thank heavens!!!) Who knows if she was really planning to meet him or if she was "just saying things". As far as we know, she didn't get her period until Monday and it was Sunday that she told the kid she got it.. so maybe she used it as an excuse. Lets just hope this is the case.. for my sanity.</p><p></p><p>If this court diversion and (hopefully) medication change/addition doesn't work, my Mom and step-dad are telling me that they will put her in placement because they cannot go through all of this again, they did it once with my sister and if nothing works for my niece- they just can't do it. Then I wonder if they would put her back in her Mom's custody if this was to happen. Mom thinks not because Sister was "proven unfit" and has had to jump through hoops to even try and get unsupervised visits (which were denied!).. but I just worry what would happen if my parents decide one day that they can't handle it anymore. The kid has already been through heck and taken from her Biomom's custody.</p><p></p><p>If only we could know exactly why nothing my parents did with my sister when she was going through all of this worked- then we could know what TO DO and NOT to do with my Niece. This is why I truly think the medication change/addition is SO important because if it bipolar like it turned out to be with her Mom.. Niece's life could be drastically different if she receives medication beginning NOW versus at 19 when they can finally diagnose her. This is why I say my Niece's life depends on them trying this medication!</p><p>Wow.. sorry, this is like a book. </p><p>****Thanks for the hugs.. I really need it!**** (sending some Mom's way too!)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="orcaauntie, post: 460830, member: 12721"] You've described the difference between my sister and I perfectly. I never followed my friend's mistakes. Well, I can't say that because yes, I did do some things that I wasn't supposed to but I didn't get drunk, smoke, do drugs, sneak out, party, have sex, etc. When my "friends" started doing that- I found new ones. Same thing with my Mom when she was growing up. She found new friends because her old "friends" were engaging in things she didn't agree with. I guess my sister got a different set of genes. My sister- Niece's Mom of course- had so many issues in her teen years I wouldn't know where to begin. Well I can say (I think I've said it before on here), it involved sex (beginning at 12), alcohol, partying, sneaking out, physical and verbal abuse against my parents, etc. She blames THEM for her problems, just as she is blaming THEM for my niece's problems now. Just the other day she called me to "confirm" something and she blamed my parents for my niece's attitude and disobedience. She actually said she doesn't want her in that environment. It's not the environment! There are rules. My parents are trying to enforce rules. Just because the kid can't take it upon herself to obey a rule doesn't make it a "bad" environment. But my sister apparently "knows" that my niece is "exactly" like her. Maybe so, and if so, we're in for an exhausting, emotionally draining ride. The difference between my sister and my niece is that my mom has no plan of "giving in" like she did with my sister. And my niece is in counseling and medication. I really think she needs a bi-polar medication.. this could really be THE KEY to stopping (at least reducing) the self destructive behaviors if she IS anything like her Biomom. Sorry for the semi-rant! You are completely right. She IS choosing high risk kids and obviously has an issue saying "no" (except to my Mom of course!). The ones that aren't "high risk", she calls "preppy", or "gay". We've seen in her messages where she's told a boy she doesn't want "F***-Buddies, but wants a relationship. Then she is making plans to meet him in the woods... but then she got her period (thank heavens!!!) Who knows if she was really planning to meet him or if she was "just saying things". As far as we know, she didn't get her period until Monday and it was Sunday that she told the kid she got it.. so maybe she used it as an excuse. Lets just hope this is the case.. for my sanity. If this court diversion and (hopefully) medication change/addition doesn't work, my Mom and step-dad are telling me that they will put her in placement because they cannot go through all of this again, they did it once with my sister and if nothing works for my niece- they just can't do it. Then I wonder if they would put her back in her Mom's custody if this was to happen. Mom thinks not because Sister was "proven unfit" and has had to jump through hoops to even try and get unsupervised visits (which were denied!).. but I just worry what would happen if my parents decide one day that they can't handle it anymore. The kid has already been through heck and taken from her Biomom's custody. If only we could know exactly why nothing my parents did with my sister when she was going through all of this worked- then we could know what TO DO and NOT to do with my Niece. This is why I truly think the medication change/addition is SO important because if it bipolar like it turned out to be with her Mom.. Niece's life could be drastically different if she receives medication beginning NOW versus at 19 when they can finally diagnose her. This is why I say my Niece's life depends on them trying this medication! Wow.. sorry, this is like a book. ****Thanks for the hugs.. I really need it!**** (sending some Mom's way too!) [/QUOTE]
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