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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 746371" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>oh LBL, thank you so much for reminding me. Hope without expectations.</p><p></p><p>Brrrrrr, I see pictures of the deep freeze, it is incredible. Stay warm and safe indoors!</p><p></p><p> Pasa, you have been through so much. I am glad you have reached that place of calm. That is so integral to overall health.</p><p>I wonder how many jail stints it will take for Tornado to wake up. It sounds like an awful place to be, according to her account, but at least when she is there, I know where she is.</p><p></p><p> Copa, I have learned so much from you and appreciate your honesty and wisdom. I have been able to work through those awful feelings for the most part, the holidays always seem to bring out that yearning for change that I have no control over. It became this ache and void that laid me flat for awhile.</p><p></p><p> This happens to me as well. I get close to the rabbit hole when my daughter starts talking about how things will be better when she gets out. It is the one thing that I pray for both of them. I don’t know if she is sincere at the time, or it’s just talk to get out of jail. Maybe a bit of both, but when set free, all of the temptation of using overpowers any notion of change.</p><p></p><p>Copa, you are a saint. That is a long trip there and back. I hope he at least shows for the trouble you go to. The anxiety over how he will appear. How his health is. It is heart wrenching.</p><p></p><p> One small step at a time. We all have our own journey to walk with this. I admire your tenacity.</p><p></p><p></p><p>It is our kids story to write. The hardest part is to watch them derail time and again, to live so desperately. Why? Be it addiction, brain injury, mental challenges, it seems such a waste of breath and life. That’s my feeling, obviously not theirs.</p><p> Its a good mantra Copa. Worth repeating.</p><p></p><p> I think this is smart. Take time to think. It would be so easy to jump in to rescue mode.</p><p></p><p> I feel and have felt the same. I have not seen my two in quite some time.</p><p></p><p> There is not much choice in that. I don’t know how I will feel when my son graduates and moves out. My promise to him that I would not allow his sisters home is what has kept me from caving. That and the PTSD memories of the utter chaos that took over the house. Being afraid of what I may come home to after work.</p><p>I know I can’t go back to that. It will kill me.</p><p>So, for now, I will have to deal with limbo, and keep praying for my two.</p><p>I hope that your Saturday meeting goes well, Copa. Prayers going up for peace of heart and mind.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 746371, member: 19522"] oh LBL, thank you so much for reminding me. Hope without expectations. Brrrrrr, I see pictures of the deep freeze, it is incredible. Stay warm and safe indoors! Pasa, you have been through so much. I am glad you have reached that place of calm. That is so integral to overall health. I wonder how many jail stints it will take for Tornado to wake up. It sounds like an awful place to be, according to her account, but at least when she is there, I know where she is. Copa, I have learned so much from you and appreciate your honesty and wisdom. I have been able to work through those awful feelings for the most part, the holidays always seem to bring out that yearning for change that I have no control over. It became this ache and void that laid me flat for awhile. This happens to me as well. I get close to the rabbit hole when my daughter starts talking about how things will be better when she gets out. It is the one thing that I pray for both of them. I don’t know if she is sincere at the time, or it’s just talk to get out of jail. Maybe a bit of both, but when set free, all of the temptation of using overpowers any notion of change. Copa, you are a saint. That is a long trip there and back. I hope he at least shows for the trouble you go to. The anxiety over how he will appear. How his health is. It is heart wrenching. One small step at a time. We all have our own journey to walk with this. I admire your tenacity. It is our kids story to write. The hardest part is to watch them derail time and again, to live so desperately. Why? Be it addiction, brain injury, mental challenges, it seems such a waste of breath and life. That’s my feeling, obviously not theirs. Its a good mantra Copa. Worth repeating. I think this is smart. Take time to think. It would be so easy to jump in to rescue mode. I feel and have felt the same. I have not seen my two in quite some time. There is not much choice in that. I don’t know how I will feel when my son graduates and moves out. My promise to him that I would not allow his sisters home is what has kept me from caving. That and the PTSD memories of the utter chaos that took over the house. Being afraid of what I may come home to after work. I know I can’t go back to that. It will kill me. So, for now, I will have to deal with limbo, and keep praying for my two. I hope that your Saturday meeting goes well, Copa. Prayers going up for peace of heart and mind. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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