It just got worse. Way worse.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by tishthedish, Jun 9, 2014.

  1. tishthedish

    tishthedish Active Member

    I got a call today from difficult child 2. He asked if I could watch my grandson. I said what's up? And he said he had some things to take care of. I pressed and said what? He said that my grandson had "gotten out" and he had to take care of some things. Then, I heard him ask someone in the background if he could drive my grandson over to my house. I heard a background voice say, "no". I knew then it was the police. I said I'd be right over and hung up. He lives minutes away in an apartment that's part of a bigger house. When I pulled up the street in front was lined with police cars. I saw his landlord (Paul) and said where's the baby, what happened? Paul said that he was okay. The sheriff directed me to another man and said this is Dana, he is the one who found your grandson in the water. He was going under. My grandson is 3, special needs and non-verbal. He couldn't yell help, nothing. My son lives on a lake. They took me to see the baby and he was fine. I was crying. They told me they had to arrest my son and I said "God bless you. Take and keep him". They found marijuana and a pipe in his apt. as well as a drawer full of his prescription medications loose and in reach of the baby. I took my grandson in my arms and home to my husband. Paul called later and said that this was the 3rd time the sheriff had been called to help find my grandson. WHAT????? He said it was about the 10th time grandson had gotten loose. WHAT???? And that the sheriff had told him that if we wanted to get Jonathan out we had to drive to the county jail and pay $125. I said that we were in no way going to help him. Leave him in jail! About 2 weeks ago difficult child 2 had said that Paul was evicting him after this month because the baby is too noisy. Where's the mom? Our grandson's mother's whereabouts are unknown. She told my son over a week ago that she was going into detox and rehab for the next 30+ days and wouldn't be in touch. We have since had a call from the hospital that the jail takes mentally ill/despondent prisoners to. He's there. God help him and God help our grandbaby. DCFS will be contacted by the sheriff's office and we will try to get custody. I don't know what the procedure is and hope to God that difficult child 2 or baby mama doesn't show up on our doorstep. I THANK God that our little lamb is asleep in his crib in the next room. His room at our house. Please pray for us.
  2. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    i'm so glad you live close enough to get the baby out of that mess. thank God your grandchild is safe with you, i hope you get custody they usually try to keep families together if stable family members are available. i agree your son needs some time to figure out that with a baby comes responsibility, i wouldn't bail him out either.

    sending you cyber hugs and some positive energy

  3. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    God bless you for being such angels for your grandson! I'm sorry your difficult child is putting you through so much stress. I can't believe your grandson "got out" that many times and no one called DFCS. What's wrong with that picture? I am very relieved that your little guy was not hurt playing in that water! I bet your grandson can finally relax and get some restful sleep now that he is with you.
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I am sending prayers for your family.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thank God you have your grandson. I hope you're not offended, but I don't feel one bit sorry for your son who allowed his disabled son to wander the streets at night...or your grandson's goofy mother.

    It's scary what some difficult children can do; what their priorities are.

    You have plenty of prayers coming from me.
  6. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Tish, I am thankful that your grandson is okay. in my opinion, things like this are a good turning point, at least for us.

    There is always the possibility---no guarantee---that this situation will be a turning point for your son. When a "dramatic event" occurs, like this, or an arrest, or a call to the police, or a visit to the ER, it brings the whole situation into sharp relief.
    For at least a time, it is crystal clear that addiction is in charge and addiction is affecting his life and the lives of those around him.

    Later, all of the other "stuff" will rush in, like who is responsible, all of the shoulds, guilt, fear, remorse, regret, arrogance, denial, love, shame. But for a brief time, it's just what it is, the facts and the downward spiral.

    Like you posted above, you are now going to try to get custody of your grandson. A big shift has occurred.

    Things rock along for a time, but with addiction and mental illness, if both are left untreated, a crisis like this will occur.

    Addiction is a progressive disease. It doesn't stay the same. Untreated and unarrested, it will get worse. Usually, that means some sort of crisis.

    Tish, I can imagine that right now you are reeling from yesterday. But I hope you can, in time, come to see this situation as the next step in your son's road to the rock bottom.

    This is another turning point. There is always a chance that he will start to see how addiction has affected his life, his relationships, his career, his children, his legal status. Then, he might be ready to start to take responsibility for his own life, and start the hard, hard work of change.

    I am always hopeful that, if I can stay out of the way, and not force a crisis and not rescue my son, that the natural progression of the disease will awaken him to exactly where he is today.

    That may not happen, and my son's life may end before he "gets it" but I will keep on hoping and praying for that miracle.

    In the meantime, I will continue working on myself, and let time take its time. I am so glad your grandson is okay and I hope your son and daughter in law can get some help now.

    Big hugs to you this morning.
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  7. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Tish. I am so sorry this is going on. I am also so very glad you were present to go get your grandson.

    I have permanent guardianship for my granddaughter. Here in CA. the process is a long one, you might immediately look into getting temporary guardianship which is, at least here, designed to get a child out of an unsafe, neglectful or in any way negative situation. Once you get the temporary guardianship, you can go through with the permanent guardianship. I checked around and found an organization who helped me to do all the paperwork. The paperwork is available on line through your local county government. All the paperwork is there and it will walk you through it. I wrote the truth, a compelling story about how I perceived the situation with my granddaughter and I was awarded temporary and permanent guardianship. I had to appear in court and my daughter appeared as well to fight it. I won the guardianship. You may want to look into the temporary guardianship immediately. Your grandson is in danger.

    Sending you hugs and saying a prayer for your family.
  8. Woriedmom

    Woriedmom Member

    Tish, just reading your story makes me realize my own son's actions will only grow worse if he doesn't get help. He's only 20 and has been charged with possession in 2 counties and resisting arrest in 1 of them. Both haven't even gone to trial yet and now we are waiting for the warrant for his arrest in the mail. I'm so worried and going out of my mind. I wish he would rid his friends...all of them. My son says he's not happy with his life.
  9. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    Deborah - i'm glad you found us but sorry you needed to. there is a couple things your son can do to help himself. like already be in treatment for his drug issues when he goes in front of the judge.

    You probably will want to start a new thread for yourself. what your suffering from isn't listed in the DSM but is very real, what i call "hurry up and wait syndrome" us mom's seem to worry about whats ahead more then the difficult child's do.

    i'm so grateful that tish's grandson is safe and hopefully something will sink in with her son; that having a baby around a drug addict or their friends and lifestyle is dangerous. praying this is the wake up call he needs to get his act together, having my son was my number one reason to get my act together and stop hanging out with a lot of "undesirables".

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  10. tishthedish

    tishthedish Active Member

    My sister, grandson and I spent the day at the courthouse. I was able to get an emergency restraining order against difficult child 2 and my grandson's mother. They cannot contact us or show up on our doorstep for 3 weeks. If they do, we can call 911. It seems extreme but it is the only way we could keep them from coming to get the baby on a whim. It gives us some breathing space and some time to get a family attorney and talk to DCFS. It may ultimately destroy our family, but if our grandson hadn't survived his close call we would have been destroyed regardless. His life is worth it and by God's grace he is happily playing at my feet with husband tonight.

    Deborah, welcome. I am sorry you have to be here but can assure you that it will be time well spent and I have learned so much from the kindness and sharing of others.
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  11. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    I stopped by the forums to read, not to post - which is what I usually do. When I saw this thread I just had to reply .. .. .. and send strength and positive thoughts your way for this heart-wrenching situation you have landed in
  12. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad you got the restraining order Tish. I'm praying for you and your family. Sending good thoughts and hugs.......
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry about everything that has happened. It is really striking a chord with me right now. Somehow CPS was called on my son and his girlfriend about my youngest grandchild. What irks me to no end is the fact that the only thing the social worker seems to worry about is the physical state of my house. My house has holes in the walls and has for years. My kids were raised with them. Some were made by me, some by my mom when she lived with us, some by Cory and a few happened when the boys were horsing around. I own a mobile home and the drywall is so thin. None of the holes are dangerous to a child however now they all have to be fixed by next Tuesday or they will take the child.

    I would understand if they said the house had to be cleaned up. I would understand if they said there had to be sufficient food, clothing and a bed for her to sleep in. I dont have a clue how we are going to come up with the money to patch all the holes though.
  14. tishthedish

    tishthedish Active Member

    Janet, I appreciate your post and read your other in its entirety. I am so sorry you are going through this. DCFS was here today to check my grandson and write up a report. They are going to put my son and his mother on a plan with a case worker. In my state they are so overworked and underfunded. The best they can do is a once a week visit and then ordering random drug testing. Seems to me a child can get into a lot of trouble in a week's time.

    When my grandson's mother was written up and indicated by DCFS 2 years ago I had a similar experience. There was one outlet uncovered because I had just vacuumed. The investigator went on and on about it. When they had gone to the baby mama's she was actually smoking pot with the baby in the house AND had paraphernalia all around. Crazy. Just keep doing what your doing and know that with social service agencies consistency is not their strong suit. Just like anything, sometimes it's just the luck (or opposite) of the draw.

    Sending good thoughts your way.