It just never ends.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by mtdenise, Aug 5, 2015.

  1. mtdenise

    mtdenise Member

    My son moved to another state about a month ago with a friend who is trying to help him. Difficult Child found a job at a bar and restaurant working 4 until about midnight. His friend called me today and filled me in on an incident. A few nights ago the bar was broken into. Surveillance video showed a white male with a bandana over his face and wearing black shoes. They questioned the employees. They had my son go for a lie detector test which he failed. He was adamant that it was not him. Cops let him go but were knocking on the door last night and wanted to search the house for black shoes. They took a pair and the cops were supposed to call Difficult Child’s friend today to return them, so I don’t know what the results of that were. Supposedly my son talked to the manager at the restaurant and all seems well between them and he still has his job. (I may have some of the chronological order of these wrong but I was taking in a lot during the conversation)

    Did my Difficult Child do it? I have no idea. He’s lied to us many times in the past. He’s stolen from us and his previous employer here. I would think if they looked into his records from this state they would see that prior conviction (no jail time…just parole and to pay retribution).

    I think his friend just needed someone to talk to which is why he called me. This friend is a great guy, hard worker, and just moved to start a new job in a new town. My Difficult Child went with him to get away from the toxic environment he created here for himself.

    I basically told his friend to kick him out if anything else happens…to set some limits and that if it were me, if the cops come knocking again or he does the slightest thing to get himself in trouble, he’s gone. That probably sounded harsh to Difficult Child’s friend but he knows the history of my Difficult Child and me and my husband.

    As with most of you, it’s hard to imagine how these Difficult Child’s can manage to blow every opportunity that comes their way and all the second chances they are given.

    Although I’m saddened to hear of the incident above, I’m not surprised and I’m not letting it ruin my day. I know there is nothing I can do for my son. I’ve instilled, or tried to instill, in him good values and to know right from wrong. The decisions he makes as an adult have nothing to do with me. I’m more angry over the fact that these issues keep popping into my life. I do think if his friend throws him out I won’t hear from my Difficult Child. He’s never been one to call or ask me for stuff when he’s in trouble. In a way, not knowing anything would be a blessing. I felt like telling his friend I don’t want to know what goes on in his life, but I feel his friend needed someone to vent to.

    Time to go play with the doggies and push this all from my mind. Sorry for the long, rambling post. I tend to do this. Really helps me even if no one reads it.
  2. Seeking Peace

    Seeking Peace Member


    I'm sorry this was just dropped on you. It really does feel like things always circle back to us with our Difficult Child. The friend probably did just need to bounce things off of somebody. We all know firsthand how difficult it can be to trust your own instincts when your Difficult Child can be so manipulating and convincing. Friend is probably weighing what all this means for him too. Maybe feeling out whether he'd be frowned upon if he choose to have your son leave his home.

    All I know, is when you are in the middle of the drama with a Difficult Child, it is near impossible to trust even things you see with your own eyes. So, talking to others who get it, and also see the same things, helps you remember you are in fact sane and justified in your feelings and reactions to a situation.

    Same thing we do here.

    Unfortunately, if it was actually your son, it will catch up with him. He will have to face the consequences.
  3. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Denise, I read it.

    I hope to G-d it was not him because that is burglary.

    Also I hope he would not betray his loyal friend in that way by involving him even tangentially in something like this.

    I wish he could hold you in his heart and mind as precious and protected you...from grief and hurt and worry. Even if you can protect yourself, I wish he would do it too.

    I wish he could hold himself as worthy of doing the right thing....

    We all deserve better. For what it is worth.
  4. mtdenise

    mtdenise Member

    Thank you Copabanana. I often get angry reading all the stories on here. Angry at all the Difficult Children who make our life hell while not seeming to have a care in the world and not caring who they hurt. This group has helped me so much over the past 8 months. I'm truly thankful I found you all.
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  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I hope this distracts you a bit. I remember you from before...the angels who rescues doxies...and I think your dogs are sooooooooooooooooo cute. I am the other extreme dog lover and you are one of my heroes for saving dogs.

    On the other hand, I am so sorry about your son. I am glad you were able to continue your day and send good wishes and lots of caring vibes.
  6. mtdenise

    mtdenise Member

    Yes, I'm the doxie lady! I just got a new foster last night. A sweet chocolate 8 year old girl. I really do love getting them ready for adoption and seeing them with the perfect family. They are a great distraction from the drama my son brings into my life.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    mtdenise, I wish with all my heart I could do that. But I live in an apartment. I'm glad your have your dogs to love on and help when other things go wrong. Dogs are such wonderful creatures, little angels on earth. They love so intensely and so selflessly. And not enough people stand up for them. GOOD FOR YOU!

    Not only is my apartment decorated with dog figurines and pictures and even some stuffies, but I have a sign that reads "Dogs Are People Too." My dogs are in my avator. Two cute little mutts :)

    You obviously have a big heart and do not deserve to have this pain with your son and I am so sad for you.

    Keep us posted. We care and will be here for you and we never take a rest...we are even here on Christmas!
  8. Sherril2000

    Sherril2000 Active Member

    Good for you! Sounds like you've come to terms with- what your son is capable of, & are going on with- your life. This sounds exactly like something my son would do! I hope to learn to deal with- it like you are son day. Hugs to you, because I know you've been through so much to get to this place. I agree with- Copa, we all deserve better!
  9. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    A Difficult Child's actions is the gift that keeps on giving even when we don't want it. Yes, we taught them right from wrong, we instilled good morals, we set a good example and yet they apply none of it to their lives.

    My son has burned so many bridges. He has had many people go out of their way to help him and in the end they always regret it.

    I sure hope it was not your son who was on the video.

    I think it's good the friend called you and that you were honest and didn't sugar coat it. That's all you can do, the rest is up to him.

    Bless you for taking in these sweet dogs
  10. mtdenise

    mtdenise Member

    Well, his roommate called and said it was a big misunderstanding. That management apologized to my son and now believes it was a Hispanic guy who works there. My son still has his job. So for now, the latest drama has blown over. I'm sure another will crop always seems to.

    I am hoping beyond hope that this incident instilled some fear into my son. I know he didn't like being interrogated by the cops, and I'm sure he was really afraid no one believed him. Maybe he'll think twice before doing anything he might regret in the future. I can only hope.
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