It never goes unpunished, does it?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Aug 5, 2009.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Recently I have gotten some pressure from my mom to call my bro and ask him to help me. He feels cut out of my life and he "just wants to help any way he can". After a hot summer, husband was feeling sick and went to haul trash (the co we paid to haul trash stopped coming to our end of the road about 9 mos ago) and got really sick.

    I suggested we call my bro and ask him if he would help us haul off the can to a dumpster and get it all dumped out. Bro has my mother's van (and my father's pickup and 2 trucks of his own and 2 cars of his own - and only my mom's van actually runs cause he broke the others!) ad can pull a trailer behind it. We have permission to use the dumpsters at our church for trash.

    Bro called back after I left a very nice message on his machine. He spoke to Jessie while husband was on the couch right by her. She said that I called to ask if he would help husband with our trash. Then bro spoke to husband. Bro refused to help and gave a 20 minute lecture about how he is so busy working 2 jobs and how he has a system that involves sorting through his trash 3 or 4 times to and then hauling it off. He has his daughter only half the time, and is usually gone at work so he doesn't have much trash.

    Then after flat out REFUSING to help and LECTURING my husband, bro tells him not to hesitate to call if we need any help, anything at all!

    So I thought that took big brass ones, ya know?

    Then I got a call on Monday from my mom. She is at a friend's timeshare with Tyler. My aunt had spoken with bro. Bro is all hurt and upset because husband DEMANDED that he come and haul our trash away weekly. That husband blamed bro for the garbage can being too full because bro didn't haul it regularly.

    NEVER has bro been asked to haul our garbage. We even offered to PAY him to haul it off this time. We have never asked this. None of us demanded anything.

    My mom was LIVID. She said all sorts of nasty things about my husband. Mostly because my bro told her nasty things because he doesn't like my husband. Bro is hurt because we don't have him over for dinner. We don't have ANYONE over for dinner. The house is just too big a wreck. And I am not really up for company.

    I cannot believe that once again I fell into the pressure to ask bro for help. He pushes and pushes and pushes us to call him for help. When we do we get a lecture about being more responsible and frugal (from the man who drank away several hundred thou worth of a settlement and lives on property his mommy bought for him because he couldn't keep a job or run a business and has more junkers than a small used car lot - most of them his parents' cars or ones they bought for him).

    Ad after this my mom really doesn't understand why I don't want my bro to be my bestest friend.

    Next time I start to call my bro for something or about something PLEASE someone stick a pin in my voodon't doll or put some duct tape across the voodon't dolls mouth!

    Anyone want a sister? I am ready to look for new siblings.
     
  2. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Susie, as one who had to abandon ALL of my immediate family many years ago, I'm always looking for siblings that I get to choose.

    I'd be happy to be your sister.

    Consider yourself reminded. Bro is a nasty piece of work who just wants to manipulate you into being the bad guy so that he can look better in front of your parents. Mine did this to me for years and years and years. Good riddance to both of them!

    Sending many hugs, and an extra set of pins for your Voodon't doll.

    Trinity
     
  3. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Another volunteer for a sister here! I would love one my own age instead of two that could be my daughters! LOL

    I really hope you set your mom straight on your bro. I know it won't change anything but she needs to know what really happened.
     
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Another here who would love to have you for a sister. I'm sorry you are dealing with all of this. Hugs.
     
  5. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Siblings can often be a pain in the pants!

    I've got 3 sisters I don't really deal with, one that is ticking me off to the nth degree and a brother who gossips and causes rifts from almost clear across the country.

    Hmmmm, your brother can be THEIR siblings and I'll take you!

    This is looking good!

    Now, what to do with the difficult child's and my h?

    mooooohahaha!

    Plain and Simple Suz - he's being a dork!

    Beth
     
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I've always wanted a sister!
     
  7. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Ugh. Can't pick yer family, can you?

    How 'bout next time he is so chipperly offering to help, ask him WHAT he would like to help do? Put the onus on him to figure it out. Then sit back and see what he comes up with. Maybe it will just shut him up for good.

    As for meddling moms, just nod your head and tell her yes, and then do whatever you want. :p
     
  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    How about this?

    "whoa mum - STOP! Get the info straight from both sides first. You've heard him, now hear me. You told us he offered to help and we should ask him. So we did - we asked him to help, just this time, for payment, because husband isn't able to do it easily FOR NOW."

    And so on. Keep it brief. It's probably too late to talk to her about it now, but if she begins to yell at you without hearing your side and doesn't respond to the "STOP! Now LISTEN first!" response, then hang up on her and do it without feeling guilty. Because if she will listen to him but not to you - then who knows what she is getting wrong form him (and other people) in terms of mixed signals?

    Marg
     
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Susie* -

    I really think I have a handle on this and a solution for you, buttheadbrother and co-dependent Mom. NEVER engage in a phone conversation with your brother again - WRITE OUT any further requests via MOms asking and copy it to him and her.

    I would cut him off on any phone conversations - by saying - OMG the dog is on fire GOTTA GO - sorry - LOVE you MWAH - later...and hang up.

    Anything where MOm says "Please ask your brother he's left out " SURE MOM - and then I would - WRITE IT OUT - send copy to brother - send copy to Mommie - and thus avoid ANY he said SHE said - I wouldn't put THAT part in it either. For example:

    Dear Judas:

    Mom called and said we could count on you for help with the trash hauling. I thought her idea was such a beautiful and caring one I wanted to make sure she knew how I felt so I'm sending her a copy of this letter as well!!! I'm thankful that I have a family that cares.

    I have two months of trash that needs to be hauled off. I am hoping that you are able to use Moms van (we are happy to pay for your time and gas in cash) How does $XX sound? husband said that he and the kids will be here between XX time or XX time which ever is most convenient for you. After you are done - I will have sandwhiches if you want to stay, then we are off to church. If you are unable to make it would you please call Mom and let her know?? We're not always home and our answering machine is on the fritz - but Mom and I always seem to connect. That way I'll know when to expect you and we'll be able to have things ready for you.

    This is wonderful what you are doing. We appreciate you so much. We're lucky to have a Mom that cares aren't we?? Thanks again!

    Much appreciation -
    Susie*

    See?????? You - Thank your MOM -- Since it was HER idea to make HIM the center of ATTENTION - YOU PUT it back on HER and YOU MAKE HER MAKE HIM THE CENTER OF ATTENTION - you make HER MAKE THE PLANS - YOU MAKE HER RESPONSIBLE FOR HIM GETTING THERE - YOU MAKE HER RESPONSIBLE FOR USING HER VAN - YOU MAKE HER SEE THAT YOU OFFER TO PAY HIM - YOU MAKE HER SEE THAT YOU ARE GIVING HIM A CHOICE OF TIMES AND DAYS - YOU MAKE HER CALL YOU WITH HIS SCHEDULING TIME SO THAT WHEN HE DOESN"T SHOW HE CALLS HER - NOT YOU - AND HE WOULD HAVE TO TELL HER - WHY.....NOT YOU.....THEN YOU TELL HIM AND HER YOU APPRECIATE IT...NO ONE COMES BACK TO MUMMY AS A MARTYR CRYING YOU WEREN"T APPRECIATED.....OR UNWANTED.....AND you also invite him to stay for a bologna sandwhich and get him OUT by telling them you had a date of GOING TO CHURCH.....

    WRITE THE LETTER - :smug:
     
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    WOW!! I now have lots of really COOL sisters!!! I always wanted sisters! Usually as a kid I wanted them to help me beat up my brother, LOL! )I had a few friends with sisters who actually would do it too!)

    Thank you all!

    Star, I have learned long ago to NEVER write things down. They are always used against me, no matter what. Even simple Thank You notes for gifts are used to flog me. My mother still makes pointed comments because I don't do thank yous to family in the form of letters. Not since my wedding when she was U.G.L.Y. to me bc husband wrote about 10 of the thank yous and didn't include a 2 page personal update to her and an aunt and a cousin I only met once and didn't send an invite too and sent me the most butt ugly vase that her 6 yo made. It had holes so it didn't hold the water and it crumbled about a month later nad we didn't even drop it!

    No letters. Ever. She still has one from when I was away at college at age 18 that she gets mad about every now and again. I am 39, so obviously the hurt is still fresh NOT.

    But your letter is very good. I will just avoid all of them. Like a plague.

    I wish we could move, but I don't at the same time. I LIKE our home, our hometown, and the kids like it here. IF only I could get my relatives to move away.

    Thanks to all of you, so very much. I am pleased and proud to call you my sisters, my family!
     
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

  12. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm not so sure this doesn't call for a broom. For mom and bro.

    What was it that broom was supposed to say....?

    Oh yeah, "Was out shopping, saw this, thought of you. Enjoy your new ride!" (courtesy Star*)
     
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    i LOVE the voodoo doll! The other things on that site are cool too!

    I am so glad to have sisters!
     
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