I know the title sounds bizarre but it really is spot on. It was hard, in the beginning, when he didn't speak much by 2. When he got to 3, he still didn't speak well. We figured out it was because his sister, 2 years older than him, kept talking for him. So we told her to stop speaking for him or anticipating his needs and instead let him tell her (or us) what he wanted. Stubbornly he finally began speaking, in full sentences, very, very well. It was as if he knew how to speak all along! I didn't think much of this delay, since I had heard it was common. But then that also coincided with potty-training. By age 4 he was still in diapers and had no interest to go potty. It was random when he decided to go. I thought, he's young still and we are being hard on him, but I was growing very concerned. My husband and I were both working full-time jobs and he was at a home-sitter all day. She was busy watching two other rambunctious boys and always gave a report that he was so wonderful! However, he was still not potty-trained. Then we moved. We moved half-way across the country where the kids basically met a whole new side of the family. My husband didn't work for close to two years, I worked from home on a computer, and the kids had a very different social life than before. In fact, I feel like we did a disservice to them, because we moved to a neighborhood that was teaming with kids; And then all the families moved in a year. So they went from some kind of social time to, basically, none. My daughter was in school, so she was fine, but my son still lagged behind. Oh, and we had no health insurance. I apparently made too much to qualify for state aid(not sure how) and spent another two years fighting to get it. But I will get to that... So at this point, age 5, he was in underwear and went to the bathroom #1 just fine, but just not #2. He was definitely not trained at night and I was feeling like he was going backwards. He would sometimes have accidents that were both, but I came to figure out he #2 accidents were commonly preceded by his holding it. Here is where we began the range of motivational tools, charts, stickers, rewards, punishments, isolations, take everything away, talk it out, cry it out, yell it out-nothing got through. And we began to find what I called "poop specks" around the house. Getting through kindergarten wasn't too bad, but first grade was a nightmare. First grade met with accidents, that meant I had to go to the school and bring him home to change him. I could bring him back, but I rarely did. I was so embarassed and frustrated-insisting he just "go when you feel it". We also met bahavioral problems. Though he was in TAG (Talented & Gifted), he was constantly having problems. First it was disruptions in class. Instead of doing what he was supposed to do, he would wander around the class or make disruptive noises. After a time, he began to overreact to other students. For example, someone would tattle on him for not doing what he was supposed to do and he would yell at them. So as the counselor and assistant principal started to take notice, they enrolled him into an anger management plan. He went through the course, even knows the ways he can manage it, but would choose not do the methods he learned. In the spring of 2013, somehow it got even worse!! He got suspended off the bus at times for not staying seated or just plain getting hyper on the bus. Other times, he got suspended because he woudln't follow the rules. The final straw pushed us into family counseling. Another student tattled on him outside and he got in trouble. The teacher told him to sit in time out and he yelled out, "I just want to kill myself!" So he was not allowed to return to school until we took him to a counselor who could assure the school he would not be a harm to himself or others. Between the school, counselor, and family counseling, it was determined that he was not a harm, but that he is struggling. He got to return to school for about 2 weeks before the end of the school year, when he was yet-again suspended for the last two days. The school advised that we should get him some help and expressed the ODD as a possibility. I was not offended that he may be suffering from this, but I had not heard anything about it-so the research began. Jumping to June and July this year, we FINALLY got the state aid we needed to get the kids health insurance because financially we qualified (funny I knew this already). He is still struggling with #2 accidents. His excuse is either it hurts or I didn't want to stop playing/reading/find a bathroom/eat! So I've made it simple for him physically by including fiber gummies, milk of magnesia daily, and reminding him to go often. We have our appointment in a week to address it, but I think it's related to the ODD issue. Why? Well several symptoms seem to be pretty much the same. When I point out that he smells like he has had an accident or I find a new "poop speck" he has huge outbursts and insists he doesn't need to go-but thats only sometimes. Other times, he is accepting-cleans up the mess and goes. When I talk about the problem with him, he has progressed to covering his ears or zoning out. The times he does listen, he says, "I know, I know" and does the same thing the next day. If I bring up going potty to be preventative, he is often completely explosive! And the behaviors besides the potty issues are there frequently as well. When I tell him to go clean his room, he will look at me and just say "no". Or other times, I'll ask him and his sister to do a chore together like dishes and he will spend 3 hours whining, having outbursts, and complaining the whole time. He helps himself to snacks by sneaking them from the kitchen and then hiding the wrappers under his bed or he will taunt his sister about playing a game until she gets so frustrated, she gives him the controller and he's just happy he got his way. I read it best in one of the excerpts from one of the books listed in the forum here. It's like he knows the consequences, but thinks that they just don't apply to him. And that is exactly how they described him at school as well. Soooo, looking ahead I am waiting on a referral to a psychologist to go through the insurance and then I am so very eager to get my son in to be seen. I'm wondering what kinds of questions I should ask, what I should be doing to help. I do have a log of some of his behaviors for about a 3 month period but had been slacking in recent weeks. Should I bring the school reports of his behaviors? Also, I am just so beyond frustrated and to my wits end trying to understand, cope, and help my son along. I know there is some confidence issues and I know there are things he is just plain unhappy about, but I don't know how to help him. My patience is wearing thin and nothing bothers me more than hearing the family tell me how they think they could do so much better with our son than us. I'm relieved to have found this forum because I hope it will be a supportive place to find others struggling with the same challenges I face and know we can all get through this together. And to know I have a place to go to get answers/guidance to help my son lifts a huge weight off my shoulders too. I am sorry to unload SOOOO much-but I have been just....lost....for so long. And feeling so alone! The most supportive person, other than my spouse, is my sister-in-law who just everytime she sees me-showers me with compliments about how well I do raising my son. She sees me struggle and helps a great deal to lift me up. Reading some of the other posts here, I see I am not alone. Thank you for this forum-and any advise-and thoughts you have. Please share! I'm just beginning to see help on the horizon and that much...wow, it's world-changing!