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it was exactly as i suspected....
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 428427" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am witness to the fact that the military approach does NOT produce long term changes in many of the people who serve for one stint. they do NOT all change because this. My gfgbro went to the army when my parents finally told him he had to leave. The situation with him was unique. He was in enough trouble in elementary school that in sixth grade a teacher told my parents that he would either be dead, in juvie or they could try sending him to a very strict catholic school just across the river in KY (we lived in cincy). He took the entrance exam and passed with top grades so he was accepted. the school believed that seventh and eight grade was a waste of time and just repeated lessons from past years. SO they skipped them. he went into high school after sixth grade. Right away he started to tank, so my father made up a form where each teacher had to sign each day that he was in class, had his homework turned in and completed, had the next day's homework writtend own, had participated in class and behaved appropriately. he even had to have lunch signed - that he had behaved. Each negative comment was given a swat. By the end of the semester he had top grades. He studied hard there but also got into things my aprents were unaware of. he refused to eat with the family at home with-o 24 hrs notice and would NOT go out to eat with us with-o a week's notice. he used schoolwork as an excuse. Reality was that he got the winos who hung around the bus stop (took city buses home from school, carpooled there) to buy booze and porno mags for him. the last year, his jr year, our parents discovered that he had filled the next door kid's playhouse (mostly unused until the boys in the neighborhood found this stash) with porn mags and beer cans. he drank it warm - got addicted to alcohol starting at age 12 from a different neighbor who kept a beer fridge in his basement and let his sons and friends hang out and drink there - unknown to the other parents. He didn't have "some" or a "few" porn mags. He had this six by eight foot playhouse lined around the edge with stacks of mags that were over a foot and a half high. (Aspie obsession, anyone?). THAT is what he did wehn we were not home!</p><p></p><p>We then moved when he would be going into his senior year. He went to the reg high school in our new town because it was the only choice. Mostly he did not attend. then he went to college and the first year or two did well. At 18 he moved into the upper class dorm because he was a junior. he got the lowest possible grades because all he did was drink and gamble. I don't think I have ever even heard of anyone getting grades that low - basically you have to not even put your NAME on blank tests and assignments to get grades that low in the classes he was taking. I am NOT joking about this.So my folks stopped paying tuition and he moved back home.</p><p></p><p>He worked low paying jobs and abused me and our home and fought with my parents. Finally enough was enough and they gave him a week to leave - to go live on what he was able to earn. So he went into the Army. It was a total shock as he had always hated the military. He did clean up his act while there. After training (boot camp and the enxt level of training) he was a mechanic and was sent to germany (a couple years before desert storm). there he managed to never hold on to a promotion because he always knew best. Would rearrange things when he was bored or didn't want to do what was assigned. WHile the first time he got a commendation for it because it was more efficient and effective, after that he got bumped down because he then felt he could change anything he wanted. It happened over and over. Mostly he drank on days off. Would go and mix with the germans and avoid the other Army people because they were "ugly americans" according to him. he was fluent in german from the high school he went to, so he blended well. WHen he came home he was NOT NOT NOT over being a difficult child. he was just stronger and better at hiding and more able to hurt me. More convinced that he was right and had the right to know every detail of my life and make me do what he wanted - even in regards to my children and marriage when those happened.</p><p></p><p>Military does NOT fix all difficult children. They DO send people who don't fit into boot camp home. I know a LOT of people who washed out for various reasons. The majority were because their difficult child behavior would NOT bend to the structure and discipline of the military.</p><p></p><p>I do think that a 2yr service for all young adults would be an excellent thing, but NOT strictly a military service. And it is really HARD to do a military style home. You don't have neough people to achieve it for any length of time. Someone has to take time away from consstantly supervising and disciplining a difficult child long enough to earn a living and clean the house and do the shopping, Know what I mean??</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 428427, member: 1233"] I am witness to the fact that the military approach does NOT produce long term changes in many of the people who serve for one stint. they do NOT all change because this. My gfgbro went to the army when my parents finally told him he had to leave. The situation with him was unique. He was in enough trouble in elementary school that in sixth grade a teacher told my parents that he would either be dead, in juvie or they could try sending him to a very strict catholic school just across the river in KY (we lived in cincy). He took the entrance exam and passed with top grades so he was accepted. the school believed that seventh and eight grade was a waste of time and just repeated lessons from past years. SO they skipped them. he went into high school after sixth grade. Right away he started to tank, so my father made up a form where each teacher had to sign each day that he was in class, had his homework turned in and completed, had the next day's homework writtend own, had participated in class and behaved appropriately. he even had to have lunch signed - that he had behaved. Each negative comment was given a swat. By the end of the semester he had top grades. He studied hard there but also got into things my aprents were unaware of. he refused to eat with the family at home with-o 24 hrs notice and would NOT go out to eat with us with-o a week's notice. he used schoolwork as an excuse. Reality was that he got the winos who hung around the bus stop (took city buses home from school, carpooled there) to buy booze and porno mags for him. the last year, his jr year, our parents discovered that he had filled the next door kid's playhouse (mostly unused until the boys in the neighborhood found this stash) with porn mags and beer cans. he drank it warm - got addicted to alcohol starting at age 12 from a different neighbor who kept a beer fridge in his basement and let his sons and friends hang out and drink there - unknown to the other parents. He didn't have "some" or a "few" porn mags. He had this six by eight foot playhouse lined around the edge with stacks of mags that were over a foot and a half high. (Aspie obsession, anyone?). THAT is what he did wehn we were not home! We then moved when he would be going into his senior year. He went to the reg high school in our new town because it was the only choice. Mostly he did not attend. then he went to college and the first year or two did well. At 18 he moved into the upper class dorm because he was a junior. he got the lowest possible grades because all he did was drink and gamble. I don't think I have ever even heard of anyone getting grades that low - basically you have to not even put your NAME on blank tests and assignments to get grades that low in the classes he was taking. I am NOT joking about this.So my folks stopped paying tuition and he moved back home. He worked low paying jobs and abused me and our home and fought with my parents. Finally enough was enough and they gave him a week to leave - to go live on what he was able to earn. So he went into the Army. It was a total shock as he had always hated the military. He did clean up his act while there. After training (boot camp and the enxt level of training) he was a mechanic and was sent to germany (a couple years before desert storm). there he managed to never hold on to a promotion because he always knew best. Would rearrange things when he was bored or didn't want to do what was assigned. WHile the first time he got a commendation for it because it was more efficient and effective, after that he got bumped down because he then felt he could change anything he wanted. It happened over and over. Mostly he drank on days off. Would go and mix with the germans and avoid the other Army people because they were "ugly americans" according to him. he was fluent in german from the high school he went to, so he blended well. WHen he came home he was NOT NOT NOT over being a difficult child. he was just stronger and better at hiding and more able to hurt me. More convinced that he was right and had the right to know every detail of my life and make me do what he wanted - even in regards to my children and marriage when those happened. Military does NOT fix all difficult children. They DO send people who don't fit into boot camp home. I know a LOT of people who washed out for various reasons. The majority were because their difficult child behavior would NOT bend to the structure and discipline of the military. I do think that a 2yr service for all young adults would be an excellent thing, but NOT strictly a military service. And it is really HARD to do a military style home. You don't have neough people to achieve it for any length of time. Someone has to take time away from consstantly supervising and disciplining a difficult child long enough to earn a living and clean the house and do the shopping, Know what I mean?? [/QUOTE]
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