It's 3am, difficult child has been up since 1am

[maxeygirls]

For the last two weeks, difficult child has gotten up every single night between 12am and 4am, and has taken 2-4 hours to go back to sleep. She screams, she yells, she bites, she throws, you name it and she'll try it. It's a battle to the deaths. Cage matches have nothing on this child. Im waiting for the scene from Madagascar where the monkeys are in the train station and get caught. All I can think of what will come next is when the talking one says "If you have any poo, fling it now." It's coming, she just hasn't had any poo. Im trying to back way off the melatonin, I hate the massive amounts but mother in law gave her 3x the max amount she was supposed to have while I was out of town last weekend and it totally screwed with her. Hey it would screw with any of us if we slept for almost 4 days straight and took 18mg of melatonin a day.
Usually difficult child gets up every other night or once every few nights. This every night stuff is killing me. She takes no naps, she gets up on time in the morning. Our next appointment isn't until the 8th and I'm losing my mind. easy child is sound asleep in her fancy little difficult child-proof crib in my room and will be until about 5:30-7am, but instead of getting some much needed rest after a nasty week with all three of us having the flu I'm restraining, yelling(comes out a mouse squeak, my voice ran away), closing doors and ready to pull my hair out.
At this very moment I am so close to grabbing easy child out of the crib in her deep sleep, wrapping her little pink and brown giraffe print blankie around her, telling difficult child to get in the van, strapping them both into their carseats and driving as fast as the law allows to the biobehavioral ward. Mommy is gonna crack. From the sound of my post I think I already have on some level. I have done this on my own for a year solid, and 5 months before that. I only have to survive 3 more months before husband comes home but right now I dont know how to survive 3 minutes without chain smoking and possibly picking up a huge bottle of wine. I don't drink much at all and a glass makes me beyond tipsy, so imagine the fun I could have with a bottle!
Please, please, PLEASE! If anyone has any suggestions on how to handle difficult child at the not-even-funny hour of night for 2 more weeks until her appointment, share. If not, please send super glue so that I may put my hair back before husband comes home.

 

[maxeygirls]

And how great is this? difficult child woke easy child up at 4am then walked into her room, climbed in bed and fell asleep. My Tuesday ended at 12:30am and my Wednesday began at 1:30am. Im so close to calling biobehavioral in-patient, it's the only way the psychiatry office seems to do anything unless I wait for her appointments. I pray she doesnt end up in a manic episode but fear one is beginning. The human body can only take so much sleep deprivation. We will spiral out of control... again.

 

[smallworld]

I strongly recommend putting a call into the psychiatrist this morning and telling him/her what's going on with difficult child's sleep. Most psychiatrists will take telephone calls between appointments when there is a significant problem that needs addressing. Since you're considering admitting difficult child inpatient, I think this qualifies. Perhaps the psychiatrist will make a medication adjustment over the phone or perhaps the psychiatrist will squeeze difficult child in earlier. It's worth a shot.

Hang in there and good luck.

 

[busywend]

Overnight babysitter sounds like a temp solution for a few months - IF she will allow someone else to hang with her in the middle of the night.

I say don't fight it. What is it she wants to do at 2am? Let her. Nobody will get additional sleep if you both get agitated. Maybe say 'I will let you play candy land for 30 minutes then it is back to bed for both of us'. Will she sleep with you?

 

[smallworld]

How often do you see the psychiatrist? You may need to impress it upon him/her that the appointments are too far apart for the severity of her illness.

Are you charting on paper her sleep/wake cycle for the psychiatrist? That can be helpful information when you go in for appointments.

 

[BusynMember]

I'm wondering who diagnosed your child and if you've ever gotten a second opinion. If this were me, I'd be very leery of a hard-to-diagnose diagnosis in such a young child. It could be that something else is driving the sleeplessness and hyperactivity. Maybe she needs interventions. Have you ever taken her to a neuropsychologist?

Are YOU comfortable that they nailed the problem? It is rare to get the final diagnosis when a child is only three...

Welcome to the board.

 

[maxeygirls]

midwestmom, after her initial diagnosis at the local childrens hospital which is known for their biobehavioral program, she's been all the way to Resnick UCLA, was there for 2 weeks, tested with literally everything they could come up with, evaluated by a team of 3 psychiatrists who had never seen her diagnosis from the childrens hospital. The diagnosis was made a second time, identical to the first only they added her inability to self soothe. difficult child's paternal side is loaded with bipolar disorder and alcoholism so there is little doubt.

Smallworld- I am on hold with psychiatrist's office now, the only reason this appointment is so far out is because I had to reschedule, we all had the flu last week. I had a 102 fever and couldn't drive downtown. They won' make any medication changes without difficult child being in-patient due to her age.

busywend- I can't find anyone I trust to handle difficult child overnight like that, she will not sleep with me and if I let her stay up for even 5 minutes she'll never go back to bed.

 

[maxeygirls]

3 calls to psychiatrist, one to in-patient (psychiatrist's boss), and only answering services for both. That means I can hope to hear back from them by tomorrow but doubtful. Her psychiatrist really does work well with us but the office is so large, getting through to the psychiatrist is the problem.
And a fantastic topper to our tired day? It's raining which means no park for difficult child to attempt to wear her out today. difficult child loves the rain, but hates being trapped inside and since she's still coughing I can't let her play in it. Maybe I can get her to play hide and seek with easy child for a few hours...

 

[DDD]

I have been there done that with GFGmom and I was in my twenties. You have my heartfelt sympathy as the memories linger. Have there been any changes in her medications? Does she run around in the middle of the night or is she calmly awake? If, by good fortune, she is calmly awake could you softly explain that you will allow her to play quietly in her room alone but that everybody else will be sleeping. My difficult child was hyper so it didn't work but I know others who slept on the floor outside their difficult child's bedroom door and let the quiet playtime run it's course. I'm sorry you are having to deal with it with-o your husband. I'm sure you're exhausted. DDD

 

[maxeygirls]

DDD I so wish she would do anything calmly but difficult child is always in high gear. Calm reasoning fails miserably. It's like she is teetering on the edge of a manic episode at all times yet they say they cant change her medications. I just keep repeating "survive until Daddy comes home, survive until Daddy comes home" but the reality is that when husband comes home I will have to teach him how to handle difficult child and he will have to get to know easy child all over again. They have only spent a total of 3 weeks together in her entire life. I wish husband's coming home would fix it all but we will have more struggles. He tends to be very patient... until the patience runs out and then it's two hard-headed souls battling it out to the death... usually mine.
I've called psychiatrist 6 times now, and I'm not going to stop until someone picks up the phone or returns my messages.

 

[DammitJanet]

Gosh I really feel for you. She is so young.

What time does she take her risperdal? If its at night it should help her sleep.

You said you guys were all sick last week. Did this amp up in her behavior start after that? Was she on a medication? Oddly enough, my completely mild mannered, calm very easy child granddaughter turned into a hyperactive little she-devil when we gave her mucinex mini-melts over New Years for her horrible chest congestion. I have never seen her act so horribly! We had to actually chase her through Applebee's!!! Shades of difficult child past...lol.

She is the same age as your dtr.

Could it be that some of the lingering effects of her being sick are still causing this behavior?

Dunno, just throwing thoughts out there.

 

[maxeygirls]

Janet,
Throwing thoughts is always great, usually it helps and nobody gets hurt, unlike throwing Legos.
Unfortunately difficult child was given only one dose of dimeatapp(sp) and it did nothing so I didn't continue it. The sleep problems were progressing before she got sick so it has just continued to decline. It seems like every time we think we have her stable it only lasts a month or so. She makes great progress but then slides slowly before falling off the cliff.
She takes her medications at 8am-8:30am, then again half an hour before bedtime. It seems to make no difference. I'm really not happy with her on these medications but they truly say we have no other options with her age.
Today she is walking around in a fit of rage, forced energy and spastic outbursts with one eye open. easy child and I are watching her warily with sleep-deprived eyes and wondering what piece of furniture will fly before dinner time tonight. Poor little easy child at such a young age recognizes difficult child's bad days and crawls off to a remote location to play quietly on days like these. Babies truly are amazing.
A bit of good news though, difficult child's Gigi (my mother) just called to tell me they have rescheduled their "introduce difficult child to snow" trip that they had cancelled due to Gigi being incredibly ill and they are taking her with them for a few days so that easy child and I can rest before driving up. It's a month away. I can survive till then, I hope. Gigi is kind of my difficult child mama. She was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthiritis at 24 and is now in her 60's with osteo perosis and enough fake joints to make TSA wary when she approaches them. But she loves difficult child and will do anything she can for her. Im so glad she has finally embraced the diagnosis instead of fighting it tooth and nail and sending difficult child into a tail spin. Bapa (my dad) is getting there. We almost lost him to TEN two years ago and he is still recovering so you can see how hard it is for them to provide any relief for us.

 

[smallworld]

I'm also just throwing thoughts out here . . .

My son had a horrible reaction to Risperdal. It's called akathisia, and it's a kind of agitation that felt like he wanted to crawl out of his skin. He was more irritable, edgy and hyper than he was off of Risperdal. We ended up discontinuing it. Is your difficult child better, worse or about the same since starting Risperdal?

 

[CrazyinVA]

I'm glad your mother is able to give you a break, that is wonderful.

I wanted to caution you about counting on things being "better" when your husband gets home. I was a military wife a long time ago, and while my then-husband wasn't deployed for months at a time, he was gone every few weeks for a week to 10 days. I remember thinking how he'd step in and give me a magical break once he was home after being away for a few weeks.. and inevitably, I was let down, he was frustrated, and the kids still acted out. I found the first week he was back to be even more stressful than the ones while he was gone, to be honest, because it never lived up to my expectations. And that's when we were still getting along

Hope you reach the psychiatrist soon, and get some suggestions.

 

[maxeygirls]

smallworld- no, almost no change when we started it. No reactions, just same old difficult child. Slightly more stable but not much.

crazyinVA-trust me I know, this isn't our first rodeo. I just hope for a shower once in a while and maybe a chance to fold laundry and only hear "MOM!!!" fifteen times instead of thirty.
Deployments change everything and you never pick up where you left off. Frankly, the thought of sharing the reins makes me sick to my stomach, Im scared more than excited but a shower would be so nice, and maybe a teensy weensy little 3 mile run once in a while...

 

[DammitJanet]

Love the names for your mom and dad! Bapa is so cute! My granddaughter named Tony Papa...lol.

Im glad your mom is coming. I can understand her pain. I have arthritis and yeah, its hard. Im looking at replacements too in the near future.

I bet it will be a blast for your dtr to meet the snow...lol. My little one is so fascinated when it snows. We dont get much here so its a real treat. Hope they take a ton of pictures for you.

One thing...Im assuming you are army. Have you checked into any of the oh what do they call it...family ..its not family readiness...its family support services or something like that. Its for military families that have special needs members. My son was marines and at one point we actually looked into that service because we thought about him taking me in to live with him because I couldnt get healthcare and he would have been able to claim me as a dependent and would have qualified to get services for me under that program. He had another friend who had his mom living with him for that reason but we also knew other people who had kids using that program who had behavioral disorders.

In fact, most people who use that program have kids with disorders or other handicapping conditions.

Do you know what Im talking about? I think they provide some services such as respite or child care or other things.

 

[maxeygirls]

You are talking about the EFMP or Exceptional Family Member Plan. It offers respite care and other services for difficult child's. I'd love to participate but husband is trying to transfer from Natl Guard to Active Army and if we had an EFMP in place already it could literally screw us if his command decides we are 'unfit for military duty' due to difficult child. It's ****, I know but thats the truth of the matter.
We need active duty, husband cannot hold a civilian job well and we need stability and insurance and I NEED the GI Bill for my education.
Other services have been offered but not followed through on. At this point, the rest of his company is as strained as we are or living in different part of the state.

 

[GoingNorth]

In the Army, it is called Army Community Services, or ACS for short. The other branches also offer similar support to their members and families.

 

[maxeygirls]

GoingNorth, that is actually different from having an EFMP. EFMP's can provide advocates to attend school meetings with you, respite care and extra inpatient and outpatient programs and coverages for your difficult child. If you are not enrolled I encourage you to do so.
Unfortunately the National Guard offers nothing like what you are speaking of. We have our FRG and it is nowhere near as organized as active duty.

 

[DammitJanet]

OHhhhhhhh.... can you hear me nodding in understanding? LOL.

I will hope fervently that you can get transferred to active duty so you can get these services you so desperately need. Hey, maybe if you get transferred to active duty, you will get transferred over here close to me and I can come help you out! I am 30 miles from Bragg! Bragg has tons of services considering how big it is...lol.